To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

If he were 3, I'd agree with his needing more positives from his teacher, but he's 15 and poorly behaved FFS.
I think the root of the problem is clear TBH.

I think you’ve underestimated how annoying your child is in class. Tbh at this stage she probably does dislike him, with good reason. Maybe ask to move him… I think she’d be grateful as she can’t just move him herself. He sounds quite unlikeable and I think you’re really not teaching him an important life lesson - you won’t always be praised for doing the minimum expected, sometimes you need to suck it up and get on with it and you will also work with people you don’t necessarily get along with.

Your dc sounds like a child I teach - swans in, arrogant and dismissive in how he talks to me, thinks he’s cleverer than he is and is deliberately annoying with talking / tapping etc. If he gets called out on poor behaviour, he acts outraged and then complains he’s being picked on. He’s playing his mum and I overheard her talking to another teacher at parents evening and it was frankly embarrassing. She looks like a complete idiot and her child is very different in school to how she portrays him. Just because he behaves with other teachers, it doesn’t mean he is being unpleasant to his maths teacher. If I were you, I would take a real close and frank look at who the real problem is. I’m guessing it’s not the teacher…

Low level disruption in class isn't low level, it stops all the kids around him learning. He is lucky he hasn't just been sent out. He isn't 2, he doesn't need a sticker, surely getting good grades in his tests are reward enough

If he was in our school he’d have one warning and then would spend 5 hours in the Ready2Learn room. I net he wouldn’t be tapping his pen, turning round and giving low level disruption after that. If he did, it would be escalated and you’d be called in. Just saying.

I'm not expecting him to be praised constantly, & the need for extrinsic reward is created by school reward systems, so.... 🤷‍♀️

He can go above & beyond (and has done) and it's not noticed or rewarded by her (the school have a reward system in place to be used, you know, the one that created & perpetuates a need for extrinsic rewards).

I've met her, I've heard her speak about my son & the disdain is evident.

I've spoken to him several times about the importance of listening, being respectful etc and he generally is. I pointed out that he can have attitude etc because if I hadn't I'd no doubt get similar responses but they'd accuse me of thinking that my son was an angel who could do no wrong.

If you're coming here to do nothing than ne derogatory about my child, then move on.
If you're coming with sensible & considered responses, thank you.

I have a DS year 11 - he does have Sen’s so there are differences .

He has been pulled from one lesson - he like your Ds saves most of it for home - however this teacher received very rough treatment from my Ds . Her approach whilst worked for the majority of children for my Ds did not . I think we went from my Ds thinks they doesn’t like him to they probably don’t now .

I don’t think they area bad teacher , I don’t think they deserved the treatment from my Ds but I do think we reached the point it broke down .

I also love the fact no one thinks 15 year olds don’t like praise . I love praise at work . I am not a disruption at work either but still like to hear good things . we aren’t talking sticker chart but great work …. Is nice to hear .

I think in terms of a formal complaint there is not even a shred of anything to complain but I feel it isn’t working can we have a meeting how we can move forward . Take Ds to this meeting . State what he says - give her the right to reply and options for moving forward.

"The basis of my complaint is that she consistently singles him out for negative reasons & never acknowledges the positives so he doesn't feel valued"

Oh, poor boy. He is playing you like a fiddle. The year is almost over. Let it be. Your son will survive, I assure you.

If you want her to stop focusing on the negatives then he needs to stop doing the negatives. Without that behaviour she will not have anything to focus on. Your son is being a pain in the arse. What will you do in 12 months when this is happening in his job and he is not getting good feedback for being a knob in his job? Well we all know the answer to that.....wipe his arse as you have done and ring up complaining that they are wrong and your son should be entitled to carry on.

I bet there are students behaving far worse and she doesn't bat an eyelid
What an extraordinary statement @romdowa

‘Bollocks to the fact you landed a major contract - your appraisal is just all the things your boss dislikes you doing.’

This is not analogous to a teacher asking your son to stop ruining the lessons for everyone else 😂

He needs to shut up and you need to reinforce how he SHOULD choose to behave. And stop enabling him by blaming the teacher.

At 15, they should not need to 'catch him being good' in school, it ought to be the default. From the sounds of it he will likely be at uni. in 3 years, and lecturers like me and my DH will have to 'manage behaviour' in NT adults who have not been set proper expectations. It's fucking embarrassing how common that is in HE these days.

I'd absolutely love to see parents of children that are disruptive watch a video of their child.

As it turns out, I asked a child to move quickly to their classroom yesterday. He threw a hurl of abuse, including that I was a racist because he was on the phone to his mum and wouldn't proceed until he'd finished his call. He also told me I wasn't to touch him.

Two things went badly wrong;

His mother heard every word and phoned the school to say he was in the wrong

A workman saw and heard the entire exchange and went to the office to say he was in the wrong

To your son. If the teacher observes SUSTAINED behaviour improvement it is highly likely the relationship will improve. That's how adulthood works.Having to manage disruption and constant lip is fucking exhausting. Speak to the HOY, but brace yourself for feedback from his classmates that it's him that's at fault.

Would I make a complaint about a specialist maths teacher who
is trying to teach my admittedly ‘gobshite’ son. Errr no I wouldn’t.

I’d worship at the feet of the teacher and be eternally grateful he was being taught by someone qualified in the subject and not the PE teacher.

Your DS is clearly accomplished at Maths. How about he offers to help some of his friends/peers with topics they’re struggling with? It might renew his original enthusiasm and make amends for previous behaviour in his teachers class.

On the upside it sounds like he has the perfect personality to set his sights on being the Prime Minister 😄

Unfortunately I join those saying this attitude is the reason for many teachers leaving the profession.
All rights, no responsibilities.

I think it’s quite clear where this boy gets his attitude from 🙄

I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good

You seriously said this?! He's 15 not 3!

He can go above & beyond (and has done) and it's not noticed or rewarded by her (the school have a reward system in place to be used, you know, the one that created & perpetuates a need for extrinsic rewards).

He's 15 and a very clever kid. Those rewards are given to children who find it difficult to follow the rules for whatever reason. Not for middle class children living in happy supportive homes as a carrot not to be an arsehole.

This is less a him failure than a parenting failure to be honest.

So your son needs to be praised for behaving otherwise he won’t behave?!

If there’s 30 children in a class how much time do you expect a teacher to spend praising children for doing exactly what they should be doing? Or is it just your son that needs special treatment?

Put in the complaint, it will probably make the teachers day to get rid of him from her class if he behaves as you describe.

This

I also said he tends to save it for home.

How can you be so sure that's the case? Your snippy reaction to comments saying the teacher might have a point suggests the apple doesn't fall far.

If you're coming here to do nothing than ne derogatory about my child, then move on.
If you're coming with sensible & considered responses, thank you.

The majority of people on here are trying to help you understand that it doesn't sound like the teacher isn't in the wrong. You just don't want to hear it.
Suggest you put the complaint in writing and have the conversation with the head of year/department/whoever responds to your letter, rather than people who only know what you've told us (and that's bad enough TBH)

Sorry, should have also mentioned neurotypical there.

If you feel this teacher and your son don't gel, ask for him to be moved to a different set.