To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

You both sound like nightmares tbf

You need to teach your son to behave OP. He knows what he's doing. Lots of people here are just telling you the facts. He knows what he's doing.

You say he's gone above and beyond. What has he done?

I’m not sure most children ARE full of attitude, arrogant or gobshites.

Even if he saves most of it at home I suspect he’s not the most ‘likeable’ boy.

That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have good work recognised but it might make him difficult to teach.

I have a son with SEN who is 10. He has an EHCP and some tricky behaviour but rudeness, violence etc is absolutely not tolerated (he is able enough to manage his dysregulation in other ways) and whilst his school don’t always get it right, they have my backing with rudeness and poor behaviour and he knows that too.

I think you need to think seriously about how your son behaves everywhere and try to help him have more of a growth mindset (I hate that buzz phrase but I think it has merit) or he will have a nasty reckoning.

I couldn't be arsed to read this whole thinly-veiled teacher bashing thread... But basically you say:

"I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory)"

No. No it doesn't. As a parent of a now 19 year old, I honestly say, no. It doesn't 'come with the territory in school. At home, maybe. But my kid never acted like that in school, college or his job. I know this because I taught at his school, attended regular positive parent meetings, and recently met his superiors. They all praise his work-ethic, autonomy and sense of humour.

I would hazard a guess that your kid is one of those that give you a sob story right before parents' evening so that you start the conversation with something like "Johnny is finding the work very challenging and therefore is experiencing feelings of anxiety...blah blah" which your arrogant devious 'poor' son knows will enable him to be on the front-foot in the meeting. He knows that it will make it incredibly difficult for the teacher to criticise him at all because they will look like the bad guy who doesn't care about their students' mental health (which we all know is a catch-all term to exonerate any teenage attitude or ennui- sadly it detracts from those who really are struggling).

Wind your neck in and concentrate on disciplining your son and reaching him how to not be a "gobshite".

This. Maybe he wants to move down to be with his mates, mess around a bit more or to (dare I say it!) have a non female teacher.
15 year old boys should not treat female staff differently but they do - tell him to fucking wind his neck in - else you will sanction him

the fact he isn’t have the pat of the head like a Labrador

m he needs to behave because he should he needs to be polite and respectful because he should be

if he was genuinely clever he would finish the work and ask nicely for extension work

This. Case closed.

If he's behaving in other classes then it's clear she's the issue.

This is balls.

There are reasons why a kid who can behave in other classes don't behave in a particular class without it being the fault of the teacher.

Sometimes they don't like that subject.
Sometimes they are in with a group of mates who they dick about with.
Sometimes it's because they have that subject more often and so pick up negative points more often in that subject just because the teacher sees more of it and needs to deal with it properly.

I'm also entirely unsurprised that the teacher is female, as they tend to be treated more shittily by teen boys than male teachers.

OP, it might be more of a life lesson if you tell your DS that he has to get his head down stop dicking around, and suck it up regardless of whether he is praised or whatever, because sometimes you just have to get on with it.

Teachers teach hundreds of students a week in a secondary school, your son is just one of them. If he does get negatives he is standing out for all the wrong reasons. Honestly teachers do not have the time or energy to hold grudges against individuals, indeed putting negatives on the system is creating more work so she wouldn't be giving them out willy nilly.
On the plus side reading the responses has been lovely, because it's great to remember that the majority of parents are supportive and sensible, but sadly staff don't get much chance to interact with them!

This! If I was interviewing him for a job (and I have a maths degree and do a mathsy job so a job your son may well be interested in) he would be straight out with an arrogant attitude.

You created the monster not the school...that's simple biology.

God, no wonder there's a recruitment crisis in teaching.

If he wants the negative feedback to stop, then he needs to stop his negative behaviour. And as for expecting praise for not being an arse, Wtaf?!

I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory)

Hmmm-having had three 15 year olds, I have never had a teacher have to discuss their disruptive behaviour in class with me, so I don’t think it does just ‘come with the territory’.

In life, he will meet people who he doesn't like and who don't like him. Give him the tools to deal with it, don't fix it for him.

If you genuinely think he is being purposely picked upon, then by all means, speak to the HoD. However, you know just how exhausting low level disruption is.

In addition, you say he is generally an ok kid. Fair enough. But all parents know that he is probably telling you 80% of the truth. He isn't going to tell you every single tiny time he stops the teacher from teaching effectively. He probably doesn't even realise, coz you know....he's 15. Flicking John's ear for 3 seconds isn't worth telling you about but he might still be doing it.

It certainly is possible that he will improve with a different teacher. But from my direct observation with teenagers, it's often teenage boys trying to treat the female teachers like idiots. And it's usually worse if they are young teachers. Obviously, this may not be your son but I've seen it happen lots of times.

You do realised that one day your son will be in work and may go years without a gold star and pat in the head?

If he wants to mess about, disrupt the class and gob off at the teacher, I think he is probably universally disliked.

OP the chinese whisper has got bigger and bigger that your son is awful. You mentioned he can sometimes be a pain, though more often at home, and that was enough.

Saying he was clever compounds the consensus.

No one wonders why he has been ok in other lessons when he he is evidently such an out and out arrogant brat.

Read the most constructive advice, and any criticisms that resonate as true, but then you should leave this thread imo.

The basis of my complaint is that she consistently singles him out for negative reasons & never acknowledges the positives so he doesn't feel valued

Then how about he stops giving her negative reasons to single him out?

Far too many kids these days want praise for just existing. Stop being an annoying gobshite, get on with the task in hand and keep your head down. She can’t be negative if there’s nothing to be negative about, can she?

My DS has improved a lot but definitely used to err on the side of playing the joker, talking etc. He then would complain that the teacher disciplined him more consistently/harshly than others who were doing the same thing. How I broached it was to ask the teacher whether he could move positions in class away from his friends. I also explained to DS that his actions have consequences. By repeatedly demonstrating low level behaviour he’d marked his card. His teacher was likely to be looking out for behaviour from him rather than others. Not necessarily ‘fair’ in that moment but a consequence that would take time to change. And he just needed to concentrate and behave.

DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Tell him to grow up. How much praise does he want for not being disruptive. It should be basic.

OP, there doesn't really seem to be much substance to a complaint.

Your ds sounds similar to mine. He's smart, knows it and can be one for "low level" messing about if he's bored in class. He also went from maths being his favourite subject to least favourite due to a teacher he didn't get on with.

It's positive he has separated his thoughts about the subject from his thoughts about the teacher. There are only a few weeks of term left. Will he have a different teacher next year? In your shoes, I would be reinforcing that he needs to put up and shut up until then. I wouldn't be excusing poor behaviour, even "low level". A smart 15 year old should be able to get this.

Maybe the teacher is singling him out, maybe she thinks he should be capable of more, maybe she's just fed up of constant "low level" bad behaviour. Whatever. NT smart 15 year old should be able to behave appropriately without this.

At 15 your son needs to be doing his best for himself not the teacher. Your idea of how he should be rewarded makes him sound like a primary child maybe immaturity is getting him into trouble. How do you know he is being singled out? Some teachers just don’t give out many recognitions.

He’s 15, not 5. He is going to find the real world very hard if he doesn’t get over himself, quickly. Absolutely get in touch with the school and be proactive it tackling the situation but I wouldn’t be “complaining” about the teacher. As a 15 year old, is he really coming home saying maths is shit because his teacher isn’t telling him he’s a star every lesson? I honestly don’t think at school year 9/10+ you have teachings doing so much of this.

They don’t love each other. Fine. It’s a couple of hours a week he needs to keep his head down and just do the work and stop messing on. I wouldn’t have any sympathy at this point and he has you wrapped around his fingers if he thinks he can behave this way and say “but mummy, she doesn’t like me” and have you complaining to the school despite the fact HE is the problem

Teacher of 15 years here. Arrogant, attitude filled gobshite does not come with the territory. This is on you and you continue to perpetuate this and then want to complain about the teacher for having standards. Wow.

On the 'singling out' complaint, kids are remarkably self-centred and often insist that you only ever tell them off and that you are picking on them etc etc because they have been too self absorbed to notice any time you mention any other name than theirs.

I've had kids pull the 'picking on me' complaint who have then had to explain why there are other names on the board, or why Jake had actually been sent out of the class while they remained if it was them I was constantly targeting.

I get you and I understand his point of view he tried she didn't acknowledge him trying so he thinks what's the point in trying if she is going to ignore it anyway

Can he make it to July and get a different teacher in September?

DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory)

🙄 NO. It absolutely does not come with the territory.

You have a difficult (putting it mildly) child. Take some control.