To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

Have you considered telling him not to be such a pain in the arse?

A 15 year old shouldn’t need praise to behave. That’s the kind of thing you do to encourage 5 and 6 year olds to behave. His reward for good behaviour is to learn and get good grades, not be patted on the head like a toddler.

He’s a PITA, I don’t like him and I don’t even know him.

You genuinely have no idea how utterly soul-destroying it is to teach a class full of fifteen year olds who all think they’re more important than the learning of the rest of the class.

Teachers are leaving in droves.

Maths teachers are in short supply.

You are focusing on ENTIRELY the wrong thing here.

Imagine you’re the quiet, hard working girl sitting next to him in class trying to learn but being constantly distracted by his ridiculous need for attention. And then he starts getting praised specially for just sitting there quietly.

Yes seems fair!

You’re treating him like a baby and doing him no favours at all.

Exactly, your 15 year old is basically saying 'unless I get praised for behaving as I should in class, I'm not going to behave'? 🤨

Praise for being good is a great idea - if he's 4!!!!

He should be more than capable of not acting up during a lesson. Maybe the teacher prefers to spend her time on pupils who actually pay attention to her

At 15 the 'what's the point of being good' shouldn't be something that comes out of his mouth. Being good is the benchmark, it's what's expected. Excel and you might get praise, behave like a shit because she's not jumping up and down singing your praises and you'll get stomped upon.

We had this with our DS but he was 9!

If I was "an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite" causing disruption at work, I'd expect my appraisal to be all negative tbh (regardless of landing any sort of contract) that sort of behaviour has no place in the workplace (or school for that matter!).

If he stops the negatives, then starts putting effort in to doing positive behaviour (stopping the negative just puts him at a base level of basic decent behaviour which shouldn't be praised) then he might get praise. If he's not acting up in other classes it sounds like he's got it in for this teacher? Perhaps that needs looking at, if he can regulate behaviour elsewhere he can do it in maths.

Try another tactic, maybe he can start teaching maths to other students as a development activity? Maybe he’s bored. It would give him something positive to do, if he needs that, to keep him interested. Then he can see it from the other side too. And who knows, perhaps it could lead to another maths teacher in the future?

Have you considered the possibility that he saves his home behaviour/attitude (and more) especially for that one teacher? Some can and do target one particular woman that reminds them most of their Mum teacher for the mindfuckery of tapping and talking and kicking off that they don't give them head pats and star stickers.

He sounds like a pain in the backside and you are enabling him to behave like this putting the blame on his teacher. He needs to buck and behave like a 15 year old. If he wants to act like a 5 year old treat him like one but I guess that would mean parenting him.

Actually, I do. I taught in secondary before moving to SEN. I know EXACTLY what it's like.

Wow. I'm surprised at all of the negative responses.

It's entirely possible that the teacher does simply have it in for him and another teacher (with a different approach/attitude) would be a better match for him.

I say this as a teacher myself.

Ask for him to move sets. He can still achieve top grades. Don't go in all guns blazing, but this simply isn't working for him or the teacher.

And yet you want to complain 🤷🏻‍♀️

Low level chatter is the chagrin of every teacher. Does he get told to stop then do it again? Maybe 30 times a lesson? Mums don’t hear it but the teachers do.
Send him to my class I’d have him sitting on his own without a pen and the second time he chattered he’d be standing outside the door. Your son is spoiling everyone else’s love of maths. Surely you see that? And no I’m not praising a child for not making me reprimand him.

I hate the praise for doing what is expected culture. I praise for above and beyond the students normal, I will not give rewards for expected behaviour.

I have taught many teenagers that sound like your son, put 3 or 4 in a class and it is a constant battle.

My year 11's who have just left had a student who sounds just like your son, exudes an arrogance but makes a lot of mistakes as he isn't putting in the effort to revise. Getting him to put pen to paper was impossible but wants to answer every question in class - I had to limit him to one a lesson as he would just shout out over the other 31 students.

I am always polite, but will call him out on the poor behaviour.

If he is so well behaved elsewhere, it is deliberate. Sounds like he has decided to behave badly in this lesson. I would be bloody furious with him.

Yabu
Do you have proof that the teacher even gives out merits? Ime some teachers dole them out all the time for practically turning up where as others only give negative marks because they expect positive behaviour all of the time. My kids respect the latter and don't respect the generally less experienced teachers who will give merits out for silly reasons.
The low level stuff like the pen tapping is grating and do you really think that your ds is going to behave if complimented for not annoying others? Maths may be easy for him so the effects of him not listening may be minimal but others deserve to hear the lesson.

It’s time you were telling your son to stop his nonsense in class. Disrupting the class with his selfish childish behaviour isn’t on - get your head out of the sand - you may think he’s wonderful but with behaviour like that no-one else will.

He’s 15 - old enough to stop needing praise for NOT being an arse. No wonder teachers get fed up with the profession if parents consider pushing petty complaints like yours. Life’s tough - teach him to be a decent human being to cope with it.

I’m a teacher and when we organise our GCSE groups (we don’t set in our subject) this is something we think about carefully. Some students/teachers aren’t a great combo for whatever reason. So if we think a particular student will work well with a particular teacher we factor that in. It’s a tricky one because sometimes it’s just perception, teenagers are quite thin skinned. I’d email the Head of Maths,in a non confrontational way and ask for a chat/meeting.

It sounds like he enjoys the attention for being disruptive in class, he’s certainly not seeing value for “being good” also known as “behaving appropriately”. What is his plan for the next personality clash he comes up against? He has less than 7 weeks left before the summer break, I would explain to him that the next course of action is down to him - if he wants to do well in maths then he needs to put some effort in behaviour-wise. His teacher has other children in the class and cannot spend all her time being positive about his minimal effort because most of the others are behaving properly without having to be praised and feted. Being an arrogant, attitude filled gobshite does NOT come with the territory of being 15, 16 or even 17, most teenagers in that class will be behaving reasonably - yours isn’t!

The basis of my complaint is that she consistently singles him out for negative reasons & never acknowledges the positives so he doesn't feel valued.

Does she single him out or is he the repeated troublemaker or the one constantly stirring up trouble?

She shouldn't need to praise him for behaving with the expected school standards. That goes with the territory and is probably in a code of conduct you and he both signed up to.

Look, you say he's smart. He's probably bored. I was that kid. But I was a complete pain in the arse, and he probably is too. And he knows it.

When DS was 15 he wasn’t an arrogant, attitude filled gobshite, it doesn’t come with the territory