To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

I hear you op. My 15yo has locked horns with a PE teacher. It’s bizarre but I’ve just had to let them all get on with it.

ive done as much as I can do at home. I felt a bit sorry for the teacher but she’s like a dog with a bone. Again it’s the only behaviour points/detention she gets. The rest of it is glowing.

im not losing any sleep over it. I’ve honestly got more to worry about. I’ve absolutely done my bit but the rest of it just goes on in school regardless of my input at home.

How would you like your appraisal at work to focus only on the negatives? Bollocks to the fact you landed a major contract - your appraisal is just all the things your boss dislikes you doing

What exactly is the major contract he's landing in her class in this analogy though

If you are not there all the time you don't know the full story

So you're a teacher and you still think your academically able (and presumably confident and happy as you haven't said otherwise) son should be praised for not being disruptive like a little child?

Idiots like your son are exactly why I sent my very bright and hardworking DD to an all girls school. Nobody should have to put up with this kind of low level disruption, especially in a stem subject where the need to concentrate is so important.

Instead of trying to pick tiny holes in the teachers actions, try addressing the yawning chasms in your parenting which has produced such a badly behaved son.

How would you like your appraisal at work to focus only on the negatives? Bollocks to the fact you landed a major contract - your appraisal is just all the things your boss dislikes you doin

If your behaviour at work was disruptive and stopping everyone else landing major contracts too bloody right your appraisal should be negative. Besides which, do you really expect your boss to say well done every time you manage the bear minimum of work expectations?

And no being arsey doesn't automatically come with the territory.

He's singling himself out. No chance I'd put in a complaint. Once he gets a job he very well could have a manager who only mentions when things go wrong. This is a chance to grow his resilience not complain about the teacher. Back him here and you'll properly create a self entitled monster of a man.

My DD is that quiet, hardworking girl sitting next to the disrupter.

She's tired of the childish behaviour, the way each class is focussed on either a) the negative behaviour being reprimanded or b) the teacher praising on the rare good behaviour. "Why on earth can't he just sit in class and do his work so that the rest of us can learn ready for our exams?"

In fact, and admittedly unkindly, most of the class mock the disrupter whenever he gets a merit point because it comes across as a 'pity point'.

so your son is an arrogant little shit, and you want to make a formal complaint about the teacher because she doesn't praise him enough🙄

How long will you expect the positive praise for not misbehaving ? A-levels? Uni? Work?
He's been at school long enough to know what kind of teachers he gels with and what what kind he doesn't but he needs to respect the teacher and behave well in both kinds of class.
If he finds the work easy as he's top of the class, is there any chance that he's not putting in the effort ? Not chatting etc is usually something that primary school kids can cope with and expecting praise for something like that is pretty silly.

Your DS is fifteen and you want to make a complaint because he's not praised enough? Really?
I'd suggest you tell him the teacher has 30 plus kids in their class and he needs to grow up and be more respectful.

It my son (16) behaved like a 'gobshite' at home or school then he'd get very short shrift from me and I'd be backing up the school/teacher not my son. Your DS will soon be in FE territory and be expected to be more independent and mature.

I've seen teachers like this in action . it's like a cycle , he misbehaves and she gets on his case and the more she gets on his case, the more he misbehaves. Her nitpicking is making him wonder what is the point of behaving when she's on my back regardless of what I do. I bet there are students behaving far worse and she doesn't bat an eyelid. She doesn't like him and she's making it obvious, which in turn affects his behaviour.
If he's behaving in other classes then it's clear she's the issue. I'd definitely raise the fact that she's singling him out. She's supposed to be a professional and to rise above her dislike of students.

So many people are telling you the same thing, OP. It's your son who is at fault, not the teacher. You are minimizing his disruptive behaviour, which has a detrimental effect on the rest of the class and is probably driving his teacher insane.
You try working when someone is tapping a pen next to you, and see how irritated you get.

OP, teachers are leaving education in droves, particularly in maths. In my experience one of the main reasons is student behaviour. I have found the toughest students to teach are the arrogant bright boys ~ they know exactly which buttons to push. I also had one for a son! When he was in a similar situation (‘she hates me/she’s always picking on me’), I just said ‘If you shut up and do the work, she won’t say anything’. He did and she didn’t.

Honestly this is a learning moment for your son. He has no god given right to be liked. He has to be likeable. She sounds like she is trying to be professional and the fact that he’s threatening to get difficult again doesn’t make him sound great.

I’d tell him to suck it up, do the work and realise he benefits from getting his head down. She’s got her exam results ~ he hasn’t. And in 18 months, she’s forgotten.

I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory)

Not all 15 year olds are like this in class at all. Plenty are engaged, pleasant and polite.

A 15 year old " who cant see the point of being good". There is so much wrong with that statement. So he thinks it's OK to misbehave because he doesn't get praised for listening and getting on with his learning? That is what is expected of year 10. He sounds very immature. Maybe he could have a sticker chart.

Why should the teacher praise your child for doing the bare minimum required of him, AKA listening is class, working hard, not being disruptive?? He's hardly going above and beyond is he!

It doesn't "come with the territory" for teenagers to be arrogant gobshites. Most are neither. At 15 he is old enough to get his head down, work hard and behave himself appropriately without being praised for doing the things that most of the other kids are just quietly getting on with.

The fact that his parents think his attitude is typical of a teenager and are wanting to pin the blame on his teacher speaks volumes as to why he is apparently so entitled.

I thought I’d give advice while I’m waiting for today’s reward from the Mayor of Entitlement for not breaking any laws and for going to work today.
You might want to tell him this isn’t how the world works before he becomes a career criminal because there’s no point being good.

It’s the teacher I feel sorry for, by the time they have dealt with the “low level disruptions” there’s about 20 minutes of quality learning taking place in a 2 hour lesson if that.
What about the kids who could be as able as your son but actually need help from the teacher - help with learning that is - meanwhile teacher is too busy telling your son to show some basic manners and respect and do his work.

Your son is being a pain in the arse and you think it's the teachers fault and that they should praise him??????
How will
He cope when at work once he's older? Will his manager have to praise him all the time? Will you fight his battles for him then?
You need to teach him how to behave. This is not for the teacher to do. YOU need to teach him and have consequences for when he doesn't behave.

Your son needs to realise that it isn’t personal. It is the negative behaviour that the teacher dislikes. She doesn’t dislike him. She is a professional and he is a young person in her care.

Good behaviour is a base line expectation, it is something very ordinary. It isn’t something that neuro typical 15 year olds in mainstream schools are praised for.

This.

He's choosing to behave in this way and playing the poor victim. Or perhaps her standards are just higher than some other teachers who may well let him away with it. I've had this when I wonder why pupils are 'fine' for other teachers, but I find them a nightmare. I've realised over the years I just have higher standards of behaviour/ am old school (after 29 years I know my onions and how to get the most out of kids/ lessons).

😂😂😂

Well then, shame on you.