To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

This. I’ve seen other children cry in frustration with low level disruption, it is frustrating for me and my colleagues but we’ve chosen to be there and we’re getting paid! These poor kids who just want to learn are suffering daily!

Talking in lessons is not low level disruption. It disturbs the learning of others, shows your son is not listening and is just plain disrespectful to the teacher. Part of the issue is you minimising this and instead focusing on him needing praise for having basic manners and listening in class. That should be the absolute minimum expectation you have of him. Rewards should be for contributing, being helpful, being well organised, completing work to his best standard etc. Your son is busy turning around: he’s not focused - do you have any idea how irritating it is to constantly see the back of a kid’s head when you are talking to a class? I’ve been teaching for twenty years and I’m fed up of rude children disrupting lessons for ones who just want to learn. You need to be stricter.

A Maths teacher this week has lost his career for praising a grup with the words Well done girls, apparently he ran foul of the trans lobby. Is it any surprise that teachers are quitting?

Really? Do you not do restorative chats in your school?

They are actually really effective at allowing both parties to feel heard. As long as they are effectively mediated, of course.

Restorative chats are exclusively for kids who intentionally disrupt learning, they aren’t for kids who consistently behave. They are scripted.

Go and talk to the teacher. I also think your child asking what the point of being good without praise is is strange, but the teacher might be able to offer another perspective on it.

I went and talked to my child's math teacher at that age because they complained they were just doing 'busy work' and getting ignored. I was concerned so made a time to talk to the teacher. The teacher explained that my child was working over two years ahead and quite capable of doing the work quietly while he tended to the students who needed extra help to scrape a pass that year. Completely and utterly fair, and I explained that to my child. Problem solved.

Is he 5?

His behaviour needs addressed. So address it, or remove him from her classroom and teach him the syllabus yourself- so she can teach those who want to be taught.

I understand what you mean. This maths teacher is not getting the best out of your son. I'm just not sure you have any grounds for a complaint. They haven't done anything wrong as such. They just haven't gone the extra mile.

He also made homophobic and islamaphobic remarks and got the class to watch a video all about how women want masculine men they can look up to.

The ruling made it clear that it wasn't one slip up 'saying well done girls' but because he couldnt seperate his religious beliefs from his teaching.

Well that’s awful obviously. And not connected to my point.

I work in a school and end up having to remind some students that they don’t have like their teacher, you are never ever going to like everyone you meet…. I didn’t like my teachers, I wasn’t supposed to they are not my friends….. However whether you like them or not you have to respect them in Their classroom.

Your DS just needs to keep his head below the parapet and just get on with the work….

Reading your responses OP, it's clear that your son didn't lick his attitude up from the ground. You refuse to take anything that people are saying on board (and the response is pretty unanimous) and instead argue, refusing to believe that you could be wrong. Kind of sounds like your son's behaviour...

As a teacher and a parent of three teens, I'd say this is a personality clash that's unlikely to be resolved by anything other than moving class.

Not relevant to this thread, but no he didn't not for that, and despite what the Telegraph will tell you, he deserved to lose his job.

Your son is asking for praise for doing the basics of being respectful during a lesson??? This is why I left teaching. Unbelievable

This is a valuable life lesson for your son though. There is obviously a clash of personalities here and that’s life. They don’t like each other so he winds her up by tapping his pen and chatting and in response she doesn’t pick him for stuff. He could be the brightest student but he’s not the best going by his disruptive behaviour.
He will have people like that in every job, hobby and probably friendship group throughout his adult life. He can’t just misbehave or leave a job every time he doesn’t get on with a colleague so for that reason alone i wouldn’t let him change class (I’m not sure if you were considering this or he just asked). He needs to use this as a learning opportunity for him, he should ignore that he isn’t getting picked for stuff yet still prove his worth. It’s not for nothing it’s about him being the bigger person which he will have to learn to be at some point.

So because he wasn't picked for a maths competition you think he's being singled out? Maybe he isn't as good at maths as you think.

The thing is , I find it really confusing when people keep saying " in the real world" " in real life" - Teenagers are actually living their real lives now! I'd hate it if I was told as a middle aged woman- if you keep behaving in this way, how will you cope when you're in your 60s!!!

I empathise with teachers and with the students disturbed by this boy's low level disruptive behaviour which I get must be infuriating to both teachers and other students.

I do feel so many of the replies though are really unnecessarily hostile. Although the teacher has the "power" in this relationship and has 30 other "relationships", they are both still humans and it is still a "relationship" and surely the restorative meeting can only be a good thing?

Wouldn't such a meeting teach good skills to a teenager - - that communication can overcome what seems like an untenable relationship, and that he can gain an understanding that actually his teacher doesn't actively dislike him, she's just frustrated by his behaviour and concerned for how it might be affecting other's learning?

Also, and I'm aware I'm going against the mainstream view on this thread, but as she's the adult with a developed brain ( and some teenager' rewiring of their brains and their hormones is all over the place at age 15) and able to regulate her emotions, and is the professional, isn't there also scope for her using this restorative meeting to develop in some way???

Also, And although this is tangential , I've copied it anyway as think interesting!: Engel, who is professor of developmental psychology at Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts, says: “When you visit schools in many parts of the world it can be difficult to remember they are full of active, intellectual children, because no one is talking about their inner mental lives. How well they behave, and how they perform seem much more important to many people in the educational communities. Often educational bureaucracies have shunted curiosity to the side.”

Ffs what's with all the enabling pior parenting recently. Your son is being a pain disrupting other kids education hes 3 years from becoming a legal adult, you want him to thrive as an adult yes? He needs to learn boundaries. He won't be able to behave like that at work. Work with his teachers and correct his behaviour at home.
Ffs teachers don't hate your son they want him to behave and not cause trouble, he's not a golden boy he's turning into a little shit and you couldn't care less.

You are more interested in him not being offended than correcting him. It's very poor parenting and doesn't do him any favours.

So, he has an experienced Maths teacher who is also Head of Department and has high standards in the classroom?

And you want to complain?

If you really need to say something I’d phrase it along the lines of is it possible to see anonymous praise and negatives for my sons class from this teacher. It may be she is not someone to easily praise and son is being treated the same as everyone else? If he is the only one receiving negatives you have evidence of potentially being treated differently.

Son should work on his resilience though. Many jobs expect independent workers and you won’t be congratulated for turning up.

Does the second set also give the opportunity to do the Further/Stats? If so I'd ask for the head of department if he can move sets. Whether it's him or the teacher, it sounds like a fresh start would be a good idea all round. He's obviously capable of getting on with teachers if his other lessons are fine.

Going against the grain here and I'd advise you to stand up for your Son as best you can OP. I was constantly singled out at school, never rude or nasty to any other student and good on the whole but this one teacher took serious issue with me. I'm nearly 30 and her treatment of me really affected me as an adult. I work in the Justice System and it hit me that I base all of my treatment of juveniles coming through on trying to be the opposite of how she was with me, it affected me that much. I do remember that my mum stuck up for me and walking to school crying on days of her lessons. I also remember one of her colleagues who had a name for being extremely firm sticking up for me and it was a real turning point in my confidence. Not saying its the case here but some teachers are bullies and have no people skills themselves, you know your Son and if this is off to you then certainly make it more formal. Best of luck

OFGS please....

The teacher in this case is giving the kid negative behaviour points for pissing about in class. The OP admits that he is behaving badly.

This is nothing like a teacher picking on a kid for no reason, or bullying them or whatever.

She is there to teach him maths and he is there to learn.

She is not keeping the secrets of maths from him is she? So she is keeping her side of the bargain but your son-according to you-won't concentrate and will only do so if she tells him how good he is being.

So she is teaching him and he chooses not to learn-bollocks to him.

As for , 'what's the point of being good' if he isn't praised-time for you to step him and teach him one or two things yourself;

1. He is good as a matter of self respect.
2. He will not be prised continually in life even if he feels it is deserved, so suck it up
3. Mammy and daddy can't step in to make people like him. He sounds as if he isn't behaving in a likeable way.
4. If he behaves like a low level disrupting twat, he is very lucky that she bothers her arse with him at all.
5. Teachers don't have to like him-they are there to teach him
6. if he continues being a bit of a dick at work because he isn't getting enough praise a toe will be inserted up his arse and he will be given his P.45

Tell your husband that, instead of making a show of himself, running up to school yelping that the teacher doesn't like his boy, he might want to ask himself why his son won't behave unless he's thrown a bone and show a bit of shame.

I do hope that helps you to see the other side.