To make my complaint about this teacher more formal

[NotTonightDeidre]

DS, 15, Y10 is really disliked by his maths teacher. It's quite obvious in the way he's treated in class (only a handful of negatives overall this year, mainly from her, not a single positive award point from her) and by how she speaks about him (on the phone/parents evening).

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory) but on the whole he tends to save the worst of the attitude for home.

He's a bright kid, top sets across the board & is quite often top of his classes.

I had a meeting earlier in the year with the maths teacher & DS' head of year to discuss the behaviour - it was things like chatting/turning around in class/fiddling with/tapping pens.... all low level disruption but I agree, it needs to be addressed. I explained that DS thrives on praise (I hate it, but the school system created that monster) & that she'd get a far better response if she could acknowledge when he's doing well/catch him being good. I also spoke to DS & told him that he needed to sort his self out & put the effort in. As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition.

Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice".

Now, DH thinks rather than have another discussion we should put our concerns in writing so they have to be addressed. I think he's overreacting a little but then I've also seen DS go from a child who loved maths to one who doesn't even want to go to the lessons. He's even asked to get moved down a set so he can have a different teacher (and it's not because he's struggling, he's been entered for further maths & statistics alongside his regular maths GCSEs).

Would appreciate thoughts from all angles.

This.

At this age they need to be self driven and recognise they're working for their own future. They also need to learn to he respectful to those teaching or working with them.

I’m a teacher and this behaviour, the constant low level disruption, is far harder to deal with than most people realise.
Completely agree with this and the OPs dismissive attitude ('all low level stuff') speaks absolute volumes.

Your son has to learn that sometimes you just don't click with a teacher. I had to move schools GCSE year the English teacher berated me constantly. Now at my previous school I had consistently been top of the class and year. This new teacher thought my English dreadful and would hiss at me precis précis. I wanted to take the exam a year early he thought me stupid. I stuck to my guns.

He was stunned when I got an A in the exams.

So your son can prove him wrong.

It's very worrying that your son feels it is ok to be disruptive of he doesn't get the attention he feels so entitled to at 15.

I also get the sense that boy the boy and his mother think that his bad behaviour is evened out by his cleverness.

"As far as I'm aware, he did for a while - I was seeing fewer negatives coming through but still no positive recognition."

So even after your meeting, and you coming down on him hard about his behaviour, you continued to see negative behaviour points logged in maths? Unless you're suggesting she made the incidents up, he was still being a PITA.

Your complaint is basically 'he's sad that you don't praise him enough.' Crazy.

I think the ‘praise for being good’ would be a bit unreasonable at this age, but, I do think great teachers figure out how to motivate students to a point - at the least aim to engage them with the material. Also to not alienate them entirely due to individual dislike.

"Fast forward a month or two & the behaviour is kicking in again. DS feels unsupported in class, & has reached a point where he's saying "what's the point being good if she doesn't even notice". "

Almost unbelievable that you see his behaviour deteriorating, he admits he cba behaving because 'what's the point' and you want to complain about the teacher. Listen to yourself.

Hhmm..It could work. Embarrass him into shaping up.. Treat him like a child until he realises he is behaving like one

Do you think he's finding it hard? If he's previously been a good mathematician, it might be a shock if he's found himself struggling. Kids often do misbehave to distract from this, like a self sabotage, 'I'm not even trying and the teacher hates me that why my results are bad.'

Agree to a point but for now students are taught by humans - who have emotions and fatigue. If he is disruptive, repeatedly, how much of his and others’ time is he wasting. There will come a point that teachers are not going to go out of their way to individually motivate 30 students per lesson in what might be a year group of 180 students.

OP you could home educate?
I bet the teacher would be happy with that outcome.

@NotTonightDeidre The only thing I see of any possible concern on the part of the teacher's behaviour is your son feeling "unsupported in class".

What does that mean? How is it shown?

In a similar situation, in a school that perhaps had more insight into this kind of thing. my child was moved into the next set down in a similar situation. Best solution all round. There will always be the odd personality clash - no child - or teacher- is perfect.

You can't win 'em all. When I was in school I had a history teacher who, for some reason, really disliked me. It would have never occurred to my parents to complain.

The praise points are more for years 7-9 in my experience. Dd is well behaved and hard working (currently in Year 10) and rarely gets them these days.

Could you do the praise at home? no behaviour points for a week you get a McDonald’s milk shake, for 2 weeks a McDonald’s meal, whole month, £20 cash… whatever motivates him. Angle it as “Your teacher doesn’t see how hard you’re trying but I do” and give clear achievable goals.

Some teachers are great and others bad with the rest somewhere in between. Maths is notoriously hard to recruit into and seems to be the ones my dc dislike the most. Not sure why but that’s my experience. You can’t fix that do you need to take control of what you can.

I'm under no illusion that DS can be an arrogant, attitude filled, gobshite (he's 15, so it comes with the territory)

No it doesn't automatically come with the territory but if a 15 year old thinks his parent has that belief it's hardly suprising that he thinks he can get away with being unpleasant.

Pity the other kids in the class. Why can’t he just behave so she can teach him maths!

I was also top set for everything, top of the top set for many things academically. I am a female. However, I did dick around in class - a lot - because I was arrogant and thought (or in hindsight, maybe knew) I knew better than the teachers. I most certainly wasn’t the favourite pupil, even though I was often the brightest. I most certainly wasn’t the most hard working pupil; but I did get amongst the best grades. I’m not lying when I say I did not submit a single piece of homework for my entire high school career, but I managed to fly under the radar, they couldn’t really discipline me because I’d always completed all my work before I started dicking around.

However, I was at school in the 90s and 00s, when school was a different place. Parents respected teachers and their opinions. Differentiation wasn’t a thing, nor were learning intentions, active learning, or even using technology in the classroom.

Sure, my teachers probably hated me. My report cards were littered with “very capable but is a distraction to others” - I sound exactly like OPs son.

However, my mum wasn’t like OP. My mum recognised that my teachers acted like they disliked me because I was objectively unlikeable in class. Instead of trying to blame others, my mum addressed the real culprit (me)

By the time I came out the other side of puberty, I had developed the resilience and motivation to do well. I turned things around in my last three years of school, got good grades, and now I’m a teacher working with the very same colleagues who I pissed off for three years.

Op, boys generally are at their most challenging in the classroom at this age. However, usually by 16 or so, they do come out the other side of it and do well.

Personally, I’d be asking for my son to be involved in a restorative chat with the maths teacher, another trusted member of staff, and maybe a member of senior management. No accusations, solutions.

A parent once suggested to me that there was a “personality clash” between her 15 year old son and me, his Maths teacher. I said the clash was due to the fact that I required him to behave and do the work, and he didn’t want to.
It was clear that he had her wound round his little finger, and he expected other females to acquiesce to his wants as she did. (TBF, he was generally a pain, not just for me.)

I wouldn't take him either. He can't behave in school. Why would she trust him as a representative of the school elsewhere?

I’ve got one like this this year, only 12 though. Mum thinks there’s a personality clash because I “don’t like him and prefer teaching girls.” I actually prefer teaching kids who have been brought up with a modicum of respect for others and some basic manners and don’t really give a shit what sex they are, but I guess I don’t get to choose 🙄😅

Bloody hell people calm down here!

To me the question is why is this kid kicking up in the maths class when he likes the subject just as much as other subjects, when he has zero trouble behaving elsewhere?

The thing that's going on here is a teacher that has written him off and can't be bothered with him any more. YES his behaviour is a bloody drain for anyone and does impact the class. But it is also part of a teacher's job to deal with it effectively. This teacher is not doing this, while his other teachers are.

The OP is trying to stop her kid getting disillusioned in a hugely important subject. They want practical suggestions, not being told their kid is a shit.

My advice: I think writing is not a bad idea but I would put it in language of concerns rather than complaints. Suggesting a 'new start' after half term is a good thing to do. I'd be totally up front - given how much negative feedback you're getting at home from your kid you have strong suspicion he's not being easy in the classroom and you want to nip it in the bud. You can say you're asking him to start afresh after half term so would be really grateful if they can keep an eye out for improvement and feed back to the kid when they see it - or indeed when they don't. Be clear with your kid too - this will work both ways, it's an opportunity for them.

Of course, could already be too late to really do much tbh despite all best intentions - I'm sure we all remember our least favourite teacher and once I'd formed that opinion very little would have changed my mind or attitude as a teenager.

As the parent of four kids who have never been in trouble at school. They don’t like school particularly - to varying degrees. But the bane of their lives have been kids like yours who can’t let them get on with what they are there to do. Support the teacher and let other children learn.

Personally, I’d be asking for my son to be involved in a restorative chat with the maths teacher, another trusted member of staff, and maybe a member of senior management. No accusations, solutions

And if I was that teacher I'd be saying no. The boy disrupts the learning of others. By his mother's admission he does it deliberately.