Parent & Child -v- Disabled Parking Bays?

[Lambstails]

Hello,

Firstly, I feel the need to apologise for posting on here, but I'm genuinely interested in the view of any parents or other guardians of children who use dedicated parent and child spaces. The reason for my apology being that I am not, and have never unfortunately been a parent myself - this was not a lifestyle choice.

I am however, registered disabled and in receipt of the higher mobility rate of PIP which automatically entitles me to use a blue badge. The nature of my condition means that some (very few) days I am quite capable of parking in a 'normal' bay if there is one available relatively close to where I need to be, but most days I HAVE to use a wider bay to get myself in and out of my car, together with my wheeled walker. On days where I can cope ok with just a walking stick, and where there's a regular space available close enough, I steer clear of the blue badge bays, preferring to leave them for people who have no option but to use them. I also would like to add (as it's relevant further down) that my 85 year old Mother is also registered disabled (we have the same congenital spinal condition). My Mum is also sadly now in palliative care for terminal cancer and she cannot walk more than about 10 metres, so is a wheelchair user. She is rarely well enough to leave the house, but on hers and mine 'better' days, I do try and get her out for an hour or so.

A month or so ago, I was able to take Mum out and parked at a local retail park where the ratio of blue badge spaces to parent and child spaces is about 8/15 in the P&C space's favour (I find this bewildering, to be honest). There were no BB spaces free, but plenty of P&C bays were unused. I therefore parked in one and ensured my blue badge was displayed. Fast forward to when we returned to my car, having pushed Mum around the shop for 5 minutes or so, got her out of her wheelchair, into the car and the wheelchair in the boot, I was about on my knees myself. I cannot describe how difficult this is sometimes, for both of us. Anyway, before I could get myself in the car, a furious woman came over to me and lambasted me for parking in a P&C space. She was also parked in one next to me (with her suspiciously tall teenage children in the back). I tried to explain that there were no blue badge spaces free at the time we parked but she called me all sorts of unrepeatable names and "a lazy b*tch" to boot. I pointed out that she and her 'children' looked quite capable of walking, she didn't have a pushchair or pram and that my Mum cannot walk, which she clearly could see with the difficulty getting her into the car, but she was having none of it. I decided to then ignore her and just leave, she was the sort of person there was going to be no reasoning with and being yelled and sworn out in a public car park isn't really for me.

I put this out of my mind and today went to the car park to pick up some items for Mum from Boots. Once again, there were no BB spaces free and around a dozen P&C spaces unoccupied. Today is a 'bad' day - I am in a lot of pain and walking more than a few steps at a time is difficult and I needed my walker. So I reluctantly parked in a P&C space, knowing that I would be little more than 5 minutes to pick up some medication. And yes, once again when I returned to my car, there was a young Mum waiting for me by her car (parked next to me). And yes, once again I received a berating. This lady was a different model to the previous angry woman - she politely asked me if I was aware I had parked in a P&C space - I was completely honest and said yes, hence why I had displayed my blue badge. Maybe I should have lied and pleaded ignorance, as at this point she changed - having ascertained I had knowingly parked here, she promptly called me selfish and said she was off to find a security officer to report me and my selfishness. The source of her fury seemed to be that she said she wouldn't dream of parking in a BB bay if all the P&C spaces were full. I pointed out that she has a choice whether to walk a little further or not, I usually don't. I suggested she maybe should have considered this before deciding whether to have children, if it was to become so important to her, she said it's nothing to do with not wanting to walk, and everything to do with the safety of parents and their children, apparently it isn't safe for a Mother to be pushing a young baby in a pram around a busy car park. The way my legs operate most days, I wouldn't be particularly safe walking on bubble wrap!

I am more distressed, rattled and upset about these two incidents than I probably should be. With my own middle age, the impending mortality of both my parents, together with both my nieces recently having had their first babies, perhaps my own child-free status is playing on my mind at the moment, although I don't think I am the 'woe is me' type. I am not an unhappy, bitter old bag (honestly!) - I've got a fantastic husband, and a great job; I've had a lot in my life to be so very thankful for. Children of our own would have been the icing on the cake, but it's never been the be-all and end-all. On both occasions, whilst being sweetly polite to these women, more than anything I wanted to scream at them to be damn thankful for what they've got and just go and enjoy it. Having a blue badge is not a choice for me, to have had children would have been - that's how I see the difference.

I really would like to get some opinions on this emotive subject, more to try and understand the perspective of these two women. I have no idea if P&C spaces are 'legal' spaces as are BB bays, but even if they are, if there are dozens of them available and not being used, what is the real harm of a BB holder using one? I'm not convinced that P&C spaces aren't actually a marketing ploy conjured up by the retailers, as typically these spaces now tend to be nearer shops' entrances than actual BB ones!

I'm interested in all opinions, particularly those that can put a different spin on this and make me see it from the point of view of these two women. One of my 'new Mum' nieces has joined in the attack on me - she too believes that I have acted selfishly and reiterated how difficult it is to get baby/child seats out of a car without sufficient space around them. I do understand that. But thinking about it, if the situation was reversed and BB spaces were available where P&C ones weren't, I doubt very much I would begrudge a parent or guardian parking in one if it was obvious they needed to!

(I've just realised how long this post is, apologies if you made it this far down and are still with me 😂)

Thanks,

Beatrix x

Yabu to give these people any head space whatsoever. Sure it is easier said than done, but you know that you can use those spaces if necessary, that is why you displayed your badge in the first place. I personally would have just gone about my business, and not even bothered explaining anything to anyone addressing me in such a manner.

Blue badge holders should take priority over other car park users.
My understanding was that P&C spaces are a courtesy thing and not legally enforceable in the way that blue badge spaces are.

The big P&C spaces are of course nice to have when kids are babies and toddlers, but they’re really not a necessity in the way that disabled spaces are.

Ds has a blue badge. We will park wherever we can (legally) in order to make his trip easier.

A minority of parents sadly can’t see beyond the end of their own noses when it comes to parking and think having children is somehow comparable to being disabled.

Blue badge holders come before parents with kids. If the disabled parking is full, you have every right to use P&C. You have more of a priority than a parent as you have the greater need.

The fact that they automatically assumed someone who needed a blue badge wouldn't have children tells you all you really need to know about their narrow minded stereotypical viewpoint

I can honestly say I never used the P&C spaces. Not sure why but I guess I always went when it was quiet so had plenty to choose from. So I’m probably not the best person to comment. However, I have no idea what possesses people to pick arguments with strangers. I get it if someone is blocking you or driving dangerously but starting a fight over someone who clearly needs the bay more and you are capable of parking elsewhere seems bonkers

I have small children and wouldn't have begrudged you parking there for one second. Your need 100% would trump mine. Both those women are hateful and should be ashamed of themselves! Sorry you had that horrible-mess!

I always smile to myself when I see the P and C spaces filling up after school pick up time.

I wouldn’t have said anything to you but it is annoying when people park in P&C spaces.
I’m not going to know whether you usually qualify for a disabled space in a fleeting second in a carpark.
‘You should have thought about that before having a child’ is a really weird argument. I should have thought about what? Someone parking too close to me which means I can’t get my toddler in and out of the car seat?
Personally I think P&C spaces should be further back so there’s no desire for other people to use them.

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such awful entitled people. I personally don’t use the p&c spaces as I don’t drive but I have absolutely no issue with a disabled person using the spaces for safety and accessibility, you have every right to be parking there and often the p&c spaces are discretionary anyway.

I’d rather see the entire p&c spaces occupied by bb holder rather than the lazy people without children using them, people with kids who’ve parked up and stayed in the car while their other half’s have gone in the shop or people with massive teenagers I see using them. It’s entitlement and the attitude a lot of our society has now.

I know you said you're open to all opinions etc but I really don't think anybody here will be able to post anything other than blanket agreement with you without being torn apart as ableist here.

Obviously these women were in the wrong. They sound very confrontational and unpleasant, I'm surprised you managed to come across two of them in the same place.

I will say one thing though - I think it's rare for there to be more P&C spaces than disabled spaces. I've noticed a lot lately, especially in family friendly places like big parks etc, that there is just never anywhere near enough parking for the demand. People are always circling the car park like vultures trying to find a space, and there are always rows and rows of disabled spaces standing empty. I'm not saying that's a bad thing - I get that disabled people need designated spots more than anyone else. But I wouldn't be surprised if this is where some of the pent up frustration is coming from.

You aren't in the wrong, in fact the p&c spaces are a courtesy and not defined by law so anybody can park there! They are particularly useful if travelling with anyone who requires help with their seat belt or the door fully opened. We use them with dsd who does qualify for a blue badge but inevitably one of her care team or her mum has it - she's an adult

You don’t need to know if someone is disabled or not.

if a p and c space is free use it if not never mind and park elsewhere. Plenty of car parks don’t have P and C spaces yet people manage somehow.

I have young twins and I wouldn't have begrudged you using the P&C spaces - it's unusual for there's to be more than BB spaces - usually the ratio is far higher in favour of BB

That being said it does annoy me when all and sundry use P&C bays because "having a child is your choice" - I could park in a normal bay with one baby and get them out by parking over to one side but with twins it's impossible

It does mean however that I park at the back or walk round with the pushchair shame more adults didn't use their legs rather than their cars but hey ho

But these people did know she qualified for a BB.

In the first example she has to get her disabled mother out of a wheel chair and into the car. Regardless of whether the OP was obviously disabled or not the person could have seen the wheelchair at a fleeting glance.

And in the second one the woman tried to get security involved after finding out the OP was disabled.

So it's not like people were having a go at her because they didn't realise she was disabled. In this case they were having a go at her despite knowing that she, or her passenger were disabled which is pretty crappy.

Near where I live the P&C bay signs actually state on their for people with children under 12yrs and for blue badge holders.
Whilst agreeably it is awkward getting a child out of a car seat in a regular bay, I would absolutely never begrudge somebody who needed a P&C space more than me!!!

You’re not wrong in the least, but just to give you a little perspective from the other side (as this is what you asked for in your op):

I had a very difficult birth, third degree tear (i.e. millimeters from having “one hole”), prolapse, etc. It took me a good year before I could walk more than 20 minutes at a time and at six months I had next to no balance (I think because all my core muscles had gone). I was close to housebound for months, but was obviously not eligible for a blue badge. (As a side note, the dr who delivered my baby considered my birth absolutely textbook - a real success story! Just to give you an idea of how bad a “normal” birth can be.) I absolutely valued those p&c spots when available, as I had such a hard time getting around, lugging baby, carseat, pushchair in and out of car, etc.

However, the whole experience has given me a lot more empathy for people with disabilities, and there is no way I would have begrudged you that spot (tbh I wouldn’t have before the birth either).

You are utterly and completely right. Your bb allows you to park wherever you want, the blue bays are there for your exclusive use but no other place is banned from you.

If there were loads of blue bays available and only one free p&c bay and you took that one, it would be a little inconsiderate, but even then you would be in your rights.

Completely agree. Sorry you had to deal with such selfish people OP.

I would let them finish talking and then just say that if they would like to get someone from the store and then I will discuss it with them.

Its a choice to have a baby, not to be disabled. I find it incredibly frustrating even on buses where parents with prams dont move when a wheelchair wants to get on. I say this as a parent who always gets off the bus in these situations. Similarly with parent and child bays. Again, never used these myself despite being a single parent of two but disability badge holders always trump parent and child!

I can't think of anyone that would think you were being unreasonable, if there are no BB bays available then you park in the nearest spaces to the store, if anyone says anything different then they are very selfish individuals.

I have a blue badge for my severely disabled 3yr old but use the P&C spaces rather than taking up a disabled space because my boys still tiny. However I have utilised the disabled parking on occasion and have received use for it. It's bizarre because when I get him out people don't apologise and he's clearly a very poorly boy. They always assume the driver needs to be disabled. People are rude in my experience.

I’d have told them both, and any other idiots doing things like this, to fuck right off.

entitled arseholes

Disabled bays are obligatory. P&C spaces are a courtesy. Being a parent is a lifestyle choice. Being disabled isn't.