Am I mad to want to have a second child on my own?

[Ostryga]

For context I have a 6yr old that I’ve raised as a single parent since she was born so raising children on my own is very much the norm for me.

I am secure financially, own my home, can afford childcare/take maternity leave.

I’m also 35 so I worry it’s just my hormones telling me I’m running out of time for another baby!

@Coyoacan but you daughter had met her father, known him and presumably made some level of relationship with him to have that interest later on (you said she didn't like him so she must have known him?) that's quite different to never having had one at all.

I did read it. Try reading what I said at the start of the post. This shows the impact of father absence in a child's life.

Keep clutching at the idea that having no father in their life is not damaging to their lives, though.

@CleverLilViper what do you mean there will be no benefit to the potential child? They will be - err - alive??!

You might meet the man of your dreams tomorrow and have a baby with him which would be better than a donor.

If we can all agree that having a two-parent household is optimal, why would anyone think it was a good idea to deliberately orchestrate a situation where that was not the case?

@CleverLilViper that's not what is shows though.. it shows what it says. The impact of poverty because of the lack of a father (which isn't applicable in many cases if the mother has money) The negative impacts of a father leaving and having a bad relationship with the mother ( which isn't applicable in donor smbc) etc etc.

You have your stance and its up to you to chose to never have a child without a father. however you simply haven't provided any justification for anyone else making the opposite decision, so I think we can conclude it's up to the individual who knows their own circumstances best, on whether they have the money and support system to make it work or not.

Who has babies for a reason other than that they want babies?

Who has children thinking they're just getting babies and not little humans that are going to turn into adults?

Tbh I think you’re one of the only people on this thread that doesn’t see DCC as children

We don’t all agree. I think our little family is ideal.

@CleverLilViper haha I really don't think you've looked at any studies! One link you posted was to a blog hosted on a medical practice website in Franklin, USA, titled "The importance of a father in a child's life." The other link you posted was to a discrete review of the relation between single-parent families and criminal behaviour of adolescents, which said: "Concluding, this systematic review provides insights into the positive relation between single-parent families and crime by adolescents. However, this systematic review also shows that research is lacking regarding the consequences of growing up in different types of single-parent families. Therefore, we recommend researchers to expand these results and policy makers to wait for those results before making programs that target all children in single-parent families, while maybe these increased levels of crime were only caused by adolescents of one type of single-parent family."

OP if you think you can do it then go for it. You know already that the baby tears go by fast and before you know it you have a school aged child.

There are some strong opinions on this thread about fathers etc. I never knew my father and honestly it’s never been a big deal for me because I had bigger problems in terms of a lousy mother and her abusive ex. I can also see from my eldest a lousy father is worse than no father at all.

Poverty is one of keys reasons for a two parent household being more ideal. Poverty affects every aspect of a childhood and has lasting effects. It has a huge negative affect on a parent/child relationship too IMO. If a woman can provide for her children keeping them out of poverty then that child will more than likely have a loving, secure home environment.

@catchthedog

I don't know what your point is, but I'll refer you to my comment about my friend who never had the opportunity to meet her father.

It would be lovely if every man was a good husband and father but life isn't perfect. However I do personally think, without having any proof other than observation, that it is very hard for a person not to know anything about their father.

@Crunchingleaf that was very fair and balanced and reasonable… are you sure you’re in the right place? 😂

"but more than that it’s about the gamble you’re taking with your daughters current life. She currently has the absolute best of you. You’re not a sleep deprived exhausted single mum dealing with a younger child who for many reasons could demand so much more of your time, effort and money than she does. But that’s what you may become.
of course you could have a completely easy, healthy, happy second child who slots right in but there’s no escaping the fact that it’s a gamble."

This is just nonsense. The same could be said for anyone having another baby. We all take a gamble every time we reproduce!

@Canthave2manycats absolutely, I think it’s something that a lot of parents consider when they are thinking about adding to their family - how it will impact the existing children. But in my view it’s even more so when you know from the outset that you will be a single parent with no prospect of a dad being on the scene ever. If the second child is very high needs it could really change her daughters life and with only one pair of hands there’s only so much she can do to mitigate that.