To not let other people feed my FF baby?

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MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

Don't babies have like 6 odd bottles a day? Course I'd let mil do a bottle.

On one hand it's yor baby and if you want to always do it it should be up to you, but on the other it is nice for others to be able to do this too and give you a few minutes of baby free time. The main bonus of formula feeding is that others can help with baby care more so you can have more rest so you're missing the main benefit if you always feed

Redic.

How old is your baby? Was in having mine 8 weeks ago. The midwife said to the mums ff on discharge to try and only have themselves and dad give the bottle. This is to support the baby in developing their essential bonds with their primary care giver. An older baby, maybe 4 months + I think the odd bottle would be OK.

I understand how you feel. Am certainly not expressing so someone else can feed my baby. FF or BF some mums just want to fulfil their primal role of being sole feeder of their baby.

Why would she take your rubbish out?! That's the shit you or your husband do while she sits and feeds the baby surely?

IMO it's a real shame that you won't let the babies grandma have a go at feeding.

How would you feel if you weren't allowed to feed your future grandchild?

I think grandparents visit and naturally want to feed and care for the baby m, not take the bins out.
Is your Mum allowed to feed the baby?

It's totally up to you but just just consider for a moment what level of contact you'll like to have as a Granny in 25 years time.....

Us grandma's know our place, make the tea and put the bins out...until of course proper childcare is needed or when the parents are desperate for a break...then we're useful.

By ds3 I'd have preferred to take the rubbish out than do yet another feed.

I always let family feed them from the start though and it doesn't seem ti have had any negative affect on bonding

Yanbu. I’m just starting my baby on solids now and prefer to do it myself. I have let others feed her but I end up hovering over them watching, so I can act quickly if she chokes.

I don’t care if it’s PFB 🤷‍♀️

Do what feels right for you. Mothers intuition.

Your logic seems to be ‘Do grubby household chores while I do something I enjoy, even though you would also enjoy it’?

Let me guess, its only MIL not allowed to feed the baby!

Your mum can play and bond with the baby in loads of ways but the only possible job for MIL is to take out the rubbish.

YABU
Feeding is bonding and if you can share with close family that will have a relationship with the baby then I think you should. I do agree that if they want to feed the baby, then that’s more of a reward than a help and they should also be doing helpful things.

BF didn’t work for DD1 and I (It did for DD2 btw). Apart from one occasion only DH and I gave DD1 one a bottle. It’s important part if bonding.

Agreed.

I think it is recommended nowadays that Mum and Dad only and no one else do bottle feeds to strengthen bonding in the early days. YANBU OP.

Yeah, this is my experience. Bf the first, mix fed the second and FF the third and all of them seem to have the same level of attachment to me, their father and grandparents.

Of course it's up to you OP but go easy on yourself (and others) if you are in the thick of post birth hormones and sleep deprivation. Or is there a big backstory with MIL?

Do you think maybe this is your feelings of sadness about not being able to breastfeed talking?

Despite many years of trying, my dp and I never managed to have children. Bottle feeding my sisters 2 when they were babies (I only did it a handful of times, we didn’t live nearby) are very special memories for me. Those big blue eyes staring up at me so intently as they had their feed. I would feel so sad if I thought she might have been feeling this way about it (I know she wasn’t though, she was happy for anyone to pitch in with any job when she had her hands full).

I was the same OP! BF didn’t work out for the first time around, but I gave every bottle for the first six weeks because that’s what I would have done if I was BF. It was a special time to bond and make that connection. After 6 weeks others started to do the odd bottle, but still not loads! You do what you’re comfortable with, it’s your baby

Your baby, your rules.

By the time I had my second I would have let anyone hold her, anything for 30 seconds to myself (dd1 was put on the autism diagnosis pathway when I was 9 months pregnant)

It's actually best for babies to be fed only by primary caregivers while very young.

I assume you let MIL have snuggles at other times? In which case no YANBU.

@MargotBamborough no, it’s the judgment I got not being able to breastfeed from MIL causing me to lash out.

For PP saying why should she take the bins out - when my parents come and stay, they are extremely helpful around the house and always looking for ways to help, so perhaps I am holding her to their standards.