To not let other people feed my FF baby?

[Commentsonpic]

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

A bit odd… BUT it’s your baby and so your rules

Really bizarre and controlling. Very PFB behaviour - You’ll cringe about this in the future!

Firstly congratulations! You brought a little life into this world and are navigating a whole new world. It does get much easier after the newborn phase and once they can sit and move etc. I hope you’re ok.

no you’re not being unreasonable. you can feed your baby anyway you like that makes you comfortable. You need to look after yourself in whatever way you need to in the newborn period. like you say if you were bf you would have been the only one. You could easily say you are trying to recreate the same situation as if you were breastfeeding?

Regarding people coming and seeing you and not helping out: this isn’t acceptable. If your partner is at work and your guests aren’t doing things after you’ve had a cesarean then they’re not considerate people. although you and I have had babies recently and the majority of people on here probably haven’t and so they don’t remember. You really do forget the awfulness.

Why are some people so obsessed with feeding someone else’s baby? There’s much more they could be doing to ‘help’.
You are following your mothering instincts by wanting to feed your baby without interference from others.
Whether it’s formula, or breast, feeding your baby is more than nutrition. It’s precious bonding time. Your baby needs to bond with you, not your mother in law.
Smile and nod your head when they start and do what you think is best for your baby.

Even after reading everything else, this still resonates.

If all this 'baby led' , often at the expense of the mother and/or family relationships, stuff was so good surely we wouldn't have so many anxious, unhappy children who lack the ability and confidence to deal with normal childhood situations? Needing to be with the baby/child 24/7 to the exclusion of 'life' isn't the flex people think it is. It really doesn't seem to be benefitting them in the long run 🤷‍♀️

It's just as much your dh's baby as yours, so what does he say?
I think you have unresolved guilt at not bf??

Only 9 weeks old? I get it. You are still bonding and feeding is a lovely bonding time while they snuggle up to you. It's a lovely peaceful moment with a contented baby.

If your MIL gave you grief about not breastfeeding I also get why you are being firm with this.

This is def future cringe material. Also poor DH. He's glared at because he is clumsy and his mum is not allowed to feed the baby and is in trouble for not taking the bins out. Oh dear.

I think 90% of the comments on this thread are incredibly rude.

It is the OPs baby and naturally/evolutionarily they would do all the feeding so why should the assumption be that just because she struggled to BF, suddenly everyone else has a right to feed her baby.

I’ve recently had my first baby and whenever my parents come round they are folding the washing, unloading the dishwasher, making cups of tea, tidying, painting the playroom etc. Whereas my MIL just sits and cuddles the baby which is lovely but it’s not helpful in the same way. Fortunately I’m able to exclusively breastfeed my LO but we are trying to teach him to take expressed milk from a bottle (for the odd occasion I need to leave him for a few hours) and I’ll be honest I’ve restricted that to baby’s father and my own mum for now. Mainly because my LO is very unsure and we’ve only managed to bottle feed him twice successfully, plus I don’t think my MIL will listen to instruction to pace feed and I don’t want her ruining my BFing journey.

Ignoring the fact that your MIL is judgy and unhelpful in other respects, it's biologically normal to want to feed your own baby! It's recommended that you limit the number of people who feed baby anyway, to promote bonding with the primary caregivers (you and your partner).

If you struggled with bf and your baby has latch issues, have you had a formal tongue tie review by a trained infant feeding specialist (not just a midwife)?

Also, what are the chances anyone else is pace feeding the bottle properly, to avoid wind/colic symptoms, especially in a baby with latch issues? If her poor bottle feeding technique leads to trapped wind and baby crying for hours, that's far less helpful than just doing nothing at all!

I’m surprised by all the mean responses.

I’ve never understood why people think feeding someone else’s FF baby is something they should get a ‘turn’ at. I also get that feeding is a really peaceful nice experience and you may be feeling disappointment/guilt about BFing (not suggesting you should feel that way but it is common to feel that way). And your MIL’s comments have made you feel worse.

And as for helping with housework I don’t think you’re unreasonable, if I had a DIL (or for that matter a friend or neighbour) with a newborn and I went to stay with her I’d be bending over backwards to help with housework. It’s what you do isn’t it?!

Pretty normal in my world... Even now children are older we very rarely go out together without them. Definitely didn't before about a year. I didn't even leave them with their dad for more than hour before they were 6 months. Breastfeeding, also no family local.

Haha... nothing to do with COVID, lack of possibility to play outdoors due to too many cars, too much commercial childcare at an early age, too much screen time, or social media then?

Mental health problems in children must definitely must be because grandma wasn't allowed to give a bottle to a 9 week old!

I don’t “cringe” at all about being the only one to feed my babies, nor do I “go along” with whatever is demanded of me in case I’m PFB. So many spiteful little posts. If this is what being a mother is like now I feel so sorry for new mums. I think you sound like a loving caring mum @Commentsonpic and your instincts sound good, trust them.

Don't be silly, that's not the poster said at all.
She was responding to my thread, which I stand by completely. All the baby-led 'guidelines' were around long before Covid. And as I said upthread, will be responsible for a maternal mental health crisis and a rise in divorces. it is not sustainable.

YANBU it’s your baby, your choice.

Some of these comments are ridiculous 😆

It's not a big deal, let her feed the baby if it means a lot to her, and definitely have your husband do it more , you can't expect him to get it right if he doesn't get to do it.

But the point is the OP doesn't want her husband to feed his baby!

Goodness. I'm sorry but you are being ridiculous!

Let her do it!

Why would she want to take the brig fish out instead?

I mean it's up to you (and your DH), but it seems an odd stance to take to me.

OP please ignore the bashers. These early days are crucial at forming your bond, you are only acting on instinct, thats why breastfeeding is so great at boosting all the oxytocin etc etc which is good for both you and baby as it protects this precious bonding time.

Many people on MN get v sensitive over MILs and come running to their defence with little consideration for the OP’s very valid and very normal feelings (probs because they are salty MILs themselves)!!

So my advice is do what makes you comfortable. Just tell MIL that for now you’d rather do the feeding but you’d really appreciate help with X, Y and Z. Enjoy these early days and block out the BS.

I’m very surprised at the amount of posts here that suggest you are being precious or unreasonable. No one outside of you and your partner, even grandmas, should expect to have any rights to undertake any of the intimate caring for your baby and I think they would be the unreasonable ones to do so. They had their time. Now their role is to support and care for you imo. If you want them to do so then fine. I also happen to think (possibly controversial here) that a mother/daughter relationship has an intimacy (often) that may well mean that maternal grandmas might get special or first access to treasured parts of child rearing. I’d like to think that paternal grandmothers would be (secure and mature to be) able to accept that. Obviously that might not apply in all cases. I realise that.
OP, I had my first baby over 21 years ago. I was absolutely bound up with my baby. I do think it was good for me to challenge myself (I needed to!) to also let my husband form his relationship with his daughter and that included some hands on trial and error. If there’s any advice I’d give you it would be to bear that in mind. I found it hard to begin with though.
Personally my MH would have benefited from increased amounts of supportive company, maybe someone to hold baby to allow me to shower, and help to learn to manage baby with the rest of life. Not someone who turned up to do the bits I treasured.

I completely get where you’re coming from! I’m EBF, so no one has the option to feed my baby, but my MIL came to stay when baby was 2 weeks old and all she wanted to do was hold him, didn’t once offer to change a nappy or anything remotely helpful. And yes, I’m not the biggest fans of my in-laws, but my mum will go out of her way to be helpful whereas they don’t have that same inclination!

I agree with this...100%

I don’t see the issue