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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let other people feed my FF baby?

461 replies

Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 17:21

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

OP posts:
WheelsUp · 23/05/2023 18:46

How old is your baby OP? I'm assuming that daddy can feed baby too.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 18:49

W0tnow · 23/05/2023 18:46

I’m with @MightyEagle

I hope when my children have their kids I’ll be like my mum. I’m going to swoop in and clean their house and wash their sheets and batch cook until their freezers groan under the weight of lasagne and pie and casserole. I’m going to cuddle the baby so they can eat in peace. I assume they’ll let me cuddle the baby at some point. 😀

Unless by then they'll be telling mothers only they can cuddle babies for the first few weeks to promote bonding.

Motorcycleemptyness · 23/05/2023 18:49

MyTruthIsOut · 23/05/2023 18:37

I get on really well with them actually.

Sadly, they don’t give a shit about my children as I breast fed them.

I genuinely feel really bad for all the breast fed babies who have grandparents who don’t love them because of it.

Show quote history

I mean, that isn’t what I said but perhaps reading comprehension isn’t your thing.

This has rather gone off the point, but I suspect the OP was just looking for validation anyway. I think it’s fine to hate the in-laws (they might be Satan himself, who knows). If you hate them, stand by that and don’t let them near your kid anyway. If they aren’t bad people and you want the kid to have a relationship with them you might need to compromise bc that’s life. Newborns are cute but let’s face it if you want to palm them off on someone when they’re snotty and disgusting 2 year olds you might need to lay the ground work and compromise now. Choose wisely.

Original poster
Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 18:50

@WheelsUp 9 weeks and in laws are on their second visit. It’s different as we live a 5 hour drive so they stay with us, it’s very intense and creates more work. My parents also stay but are self aware and really want to make my life easier.

DH can of course but even then I don’t like it. Our baby struggles to latch and it’s frustrating watching people clumsily shove the bottle in their mouth.

OP posts:
Sissynova · 23/05/2023 18:53

W0tnow · 23/05/2023 18:46

I’m with @MightyEagle

I hope when my children have their kids I’ll be like my mum. I’m going to swoop in and clean their house and wash their sheets and batch cook until their freezers groan under the weight of lasagne and pie and casserole. I’m going to cuddle the baby so they can eat in peace. I assume they’ll let me cuddle the baby at some point. 😀

MIL's aren't allowed to do that either. Have you not seen all the threads where people complain that cleaning your kitchen or doing the laundry is 'personal' and crossing a boundary??

mooncloud1 · 23/05/2023 18:54

NeverWasAMum · 23/05/2023 18:00

Despite many years of trying, my dp and I never managed to have children. Bottle feeding my sisters 2 when they were babies (I only did it a handful of times, we didn’t live nearby) are very special memories for me. Those big blue eyes staring up at me so intently as they had their feed. I would feel so sad if I thought she might have been feeling this way about it (I know she wasn’t though, she was happy for anyone to pitch in with any job when she had her hands full).

I completely agree, so glad my lovely sister in law let me feed all her babies, really special.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 18:55

Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 18:50

@WheelsUp 9 weeks and in laws are on their second visit. It’s different as we live a 5 hour drive so they stay with us, it’s very intense and creates more work. My parents also stay but are self aware and really want to make my life easier.

DH can of course but even then I don’t like it. Our baby struggles to latch and it’s frustrating watching people clumsily shove the bottle in their mouth.

Why don't you like it when DH does it?

alqoam · 23/05/2023 18:59

Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 18:50

@WheelsUp 9 weeks and in laws are on their second visit. It’s different as we live a 5 hour drive so they stay with us, it’s very intense and creates more work. My parents also stay but are self aware and really want to make my life easier.

DH can of course but even then I don’t like it. Our baby struggles to latch and it’s frustrating watching people clumsily shove the bottle in their mouth.

Your husband won't get any better at feeding the baby if you never let him have opportunity to, I find this attitude really weird.

MightyEagle · 23/05/2023 18:59

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 18:55

Why don't you like it when DH does it?

Show quote history

She literally just explained- her husband is clumsy. When you're in that intense new baby phase, you've got millions of years of evolution screaming at you to do everything in your power to keep that baby safe and comfortable.

Arxx · 23/05/2023 19:00

My husband and I always did it and I hated when someone was round (like his parents) if I had to feed him because I knew they’d try to snatch the bottle off me but I wanted it to be us that did it. I didn’t let anyone else do it for quite a while then we were at my mum’s house one night and her overly forward friend was there. I made his bottle and brought it over to give him and she snatched it off me and was basically force feeding him it, it was all running down his face at one point and it was so painful to watch 😩 I eventually managed to get him back but this time I’m going to try a mix of formula and expressed milk but always from a bottle and I don’t plan to let anyone else apart from us do it again

Mumontherunn · 23/05/2023 19:00

Sorry you’re dealing with this. My DS is one year and was only given milk in a bottle by his grandmother for the first time last week. You do whatever you want and whatever feels right for you.

Scirocco · 23/05/2023 19:00

Depending on your plans for childcare or even just your plans for getting time to yourself in the future, it might be helpful to start getting your baby used to taking a bottle from other people. If they're going to go to nursery while still on bottles, for example, they'll probably need to be able to cope with it then.

Axahooxa · 23/05/2023 19:03

YANBU!!!
She’s your little baby. If you enjoy this as bonding time- YOU get to choose to do it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 19:05

MightyEagle · 23/05/2023 18:59

She literally just explained- her husband is clumsy. When you're in that intense new baby phase, you've got millions of years of evolution screaming at you to do everything in your power to keep that baby safe and comfortable.

Show quote history

She said 'people', I was unsure if she was meaning just family members or also including DH.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 23/05/2023 19:07

OP, reading your updates it seems that there's quite a bit going on here and (perhaps) that's why you're digging in your heels about MIL doing the occasional bottle feed.

You're only 9 weeks post c-section and your in-laws are on their second stay-over visit in your home. Is that correct? Of course having guests creates more work for you and DH and, reading between the lines, doesn't sound as if the in-laws are proactive about offering practical help.

Unless you really love all this overnight company you or your husband are going to need to set some limits. Having houseguests when you have a newborn can be overwhelming. I'd address that ASAP.

If you really don't want your MIL feeding the baby tell her how you feel about it and make sure she has ample opportunity to cuddle and enjoy the baby that don't involve feeding.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 19:08

Posted before I finish.

Apparently evolution failed me because I didn't feel like that at all. I enjoyed watching DH bond with him and accepted that we were both learning and would both make mistakes.

Spicypeanuts · 23/05/2023 19:09

Your baby your choice.

But it would be nice if you to share bonding activities with your child grandparents at the very least

Fandabedodgy · 23/05/2023 19:10

It's seems a bit unfair to not allow loving grandparents a turn.

MyTruthIsOut · 23/05/2023 19:10

Motorcycleemptyness · 23/05/2023 18:49

I mean, that isn’t what I said but perhaps reading comprehension isn’t your thing.

This has rather gone off the point, but I suspect the OP was just looking for validation anyway. I think it’s fine to hate the in-laws (they might be Satan himself, who knows). If you hate them, stand by that and don’t let them near your kid anyway. If they aren’t bad people and you want the kid to have a relationship with them you might need to compromise bc that’s life. Newborns are cute but let’s face it if you want to palm them off on someone when they’re snotty and disgusting 2 year olds you might need to lay the ground work and compromise now. Choose wisely.

Show quote history

I can comprehend perfectly fine.

And you know exactly what you said…..which was that unless she let’s the in-laws give a bottle to her baby how can she expect them to love, or even give a shit about the baby.

Thats why it made me laugh….as well as make me feel sorry for all the unloved breast fed grandchildren out there.

You’re telling the OP to choose wisely so I suggest you do the same about the words you type.

CooCooCaChu · 23/05/2023 19:10

Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 18:08

@trrk lol no one has ever offered to feed the baby if we are all trying to eat, it’s my job then 😁

Absolutely plus I guess she's not offering to do it at 2am?

It's definitely up to you what kind of help you want from others and they should be able to go along with that especially at such an early stage. Some people might want a break from the baby so would welcome someone feeding it, others would be happier being helped with all the other tasks so they can appreciate the baby cuddles themselves.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/05/2023 19:11

WTF is all this about only the parents feeding the baby at first? Would it honestly make a difference to bonding if another relative gave a bottle now and then? Say twice a week, so 2 bottles, out of the (say) 42 feeds per week, assuming 6 feeds a day?

I find it hard to understand how precious people are about new babies nowadays - well, some of them, anyway. Though not my dd, thank goodness - her last baby was taken at 3 weeks to visit ILs and was passed around a dozen or so friends and family for cuddles. And funnily enough, she survived and flourished.

Justalittlebitduckling · 23/05/2023 19:14

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

Not necessarily: I pumped and bottle fed DC right from when he was born because of latching issues and so he took a bottle from birth. DH fed him at least once per day. I realise I was lucky in this respect and not every baby takes a bottle (we did have all kinds of other feeding problems) but it definitely wasn’t just me who fed him. If you want to, that’s your call as your the mum, but don’t feel like you’re missing out.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 19:14

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/05/2023 19:11

WTF is all this about only the parents feeding the baby at first? Would it honestly make a difference to bonding if another relative gave a bottle now and then? Say twice a week, so 2 bottles, out of the (say) 42 feeds per week, assuming 6 feeds a day?

I find it hard to understand how precious people are about new babies nowadays - well, some of them, anyway. Though not my dd, thank goodness - her last baby was taken at 3 weeks to visit ILs and was passed around a dozen or so friends and family for cuddles. And funnily enough, she survived and flourished.

It's the advice you get now at the hospital if formula feeding.

I smiled, nodded and then completely ignored it.

PinkyFlamingo · 23/05/2023 19:15

Commentsonpic · 23/05/2023 18:50

@WheelsUp 9 weeks and in laws are on their second visit. It’s different as we live a 5 hour drive so they stay with us, it’s very intense and creates more work. My parents also stay but are self aware and really want to make my life easier.

DH can of course but even then I don’t like it. Our baby struggles to latch and it’s frustrating watching people clumsily shove the bottle in their mouth.

You've got bigger issues if you dont even like the babies Dad feeding them!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 19:15

@Fandabedodgy @Spicypeanuts
So was it selfish of me to breastfeed & therefore my mil couldn't give my baby a bottle. Get a grip