To not let other people feed my FF baby?

[Commentsonpic]

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

You’re absolutely right- It’s really recommended as few people as possible feed your baby, this lets them learn a consistent technique & feeding is about connection as much as nutrition. You obviously enjoy feeding your baby and relatives may feed differently which can be distressing for your baby. No need to share until you feel ready, don’t be pressured into it. There’s many many other things they can do to help.

That’s absolutely fine and it’s also ok for more than a week.

The first three months are really important. I’m not saying you shouldn’t let other people feed a small baby, Im saying it’s perfectly ok to keep it to the mother. I hate horrible judgemental comments to a new mother.

You haven’t heard of it because it’s utterly unremarkable.

Do whatever you want, it's your baby. Tell them if they want to help they can wash the bottles.

If you get on with and like your MIL and you don't mind her being involved in other ways I really can't see what the problem is to let her feed the baby once in a while?! It absolutely shouldn't be so much of an issue unless of course MIL lives with you and is around ALL the time badgering you at every feed?! You need to chill just a little or it will get out of hand and spoil an otherwise potentially good relationship with your MIL who's help, I can categorically assure you, with many things in the future you will be VERY grateful for, especially if you have other children!! 🙄👶

I hope I wasn't being horrible or judgemental. I certainly didn't mean to be. There's an awful lot of pressure on new mums. I remember seeing a young mum in floods of tears at the clinic, because the health visitor was really having a go at her for not breast feeding.

Hormones can affect how you feel about anyone else interacting with your baby. You can't help it if you feel strongly about it.

My midwife actually told me if I was going to FF to only let me and DH do it as to encourage bonding.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong though. It’s your baby, do what you feel comfortable with!

I get where your coming from; feeding a baby that takes time to match on is incredibly frustrating to watch especially when you know the baby is hungry; it’s lovely that in laws visit but great when they piss off home & your home becomes your sanctuary again😂 perhaps your mil is like mine has sling like a rhino; she just doesn’t take the hint; I love her dearly but sometimes I want to scream “WILL YOU JUST STOP” maybe make arrangements to be going away next time they suggest they’re visiting

I’m surprised by the responses. Quite interesting!

For me, your baby, your rules regardless of why.

Hi OP, I note your baby has issues with the bottle so just wondering if they may have a tongue tie? This can cause problems with latch. Apologies if someone has already mentioned this but just thought it might be helpful. In regards to people feeding your baby, if you're not comfortable there's not much you can do to change that, I'm sure you're relatives would enjoy being involved in other baby related things such as bath time. I also felt inner rage when my MIL kept asking to take my baby out in her pram to parade her around. I now know I was being ridiculous but at the time she didn't offer any other practical help and just wanted to show her off. It's not easy having a new baby!

Why do people say stuff like this? It's not true for everyone.
Some parents don't want to 'share' their newborn, I'm in that category, instinct said keep them near.
If anyone is later not interested in my DC because they didn't feed them or get to take them out without me or their dad I really don't care. I'm not looking for unpaid childcare, there is no bargaining chip.

All 3 of our DC have been FF. I started off wanting to do all of it with DH. By the time DS1 was about 4 months, I was happy for MIL or FIL to help out. By the time DD and DS2 came along I was happy for almost anyone to have a turn.

I have breastfed all my babies but can totally empathise. Feeding is a great chance to comfort and connect with your baby so can't MIL do something else?!

You are not being unreasonable. You may not be breastfeeding but it is still your time to bond with your baby. You may let your husband do it with you, but that’s your choice. Me and my husband didn’t let anyone else do it until our baby was around 10 weeks old and then it was only with my mum as she is the next care giver. It might upset your MIL but she should respect your decision and quite rightly there are many things she can do to help you and the baby besides this. Like cleaning the bottles for one!! Christ if you were breastfeeding she wouldn’t be able to do anything.

I was told not to let anyone else bottle feed my baby, and for the first eight weeks or so I didn't. It's still bonding time, even if it's not breast.

Maybe your parents feel more comfortable with you so just get on and do while mIL is worried doing housework would be overstepping or taken as criticism that your not keeping the house well enough?
Do you think you're feeling bad about not being able to do it so it's making your feelings more intense?

YANBU.

I found feeding such a lovely, bonding experience. I didn’t want to share it really either. As I got older i found the need to please others over what I wanted, less difficult to say no to. You want to feed baby and I bet baby wants you (or DH) to feed them too, nobody else at 9wks old. Baby is still very young and finds comfort in being in mum or dads arms.

I don’t have gc yet but have had DN&Ns and when I have looked after them it’s the parents rules not mine. And I have stayed with my sibling when they had just given birth and I took bins out, made meals, did housework etc all so she could just concentrate on baby. I never once thought I needed to feed baby, I was just so happy she let me support her and that’s what I think it’s all about; supporting new parents.

Nobody else is entitled to anything. They had their babies.

Maybe that's the time to say I really would like to eat a hot meal just once this week...here you go daddy/mil etc. You will benefit from a hot meal and they get a turn....you might not feel so bad about it once you do it.

I think it's another American trend

@WheelsUp 9 weeks and in laws are on their second visit. It’s different as we live a 5 hour drive so they stay with us, it’s very intense and creates more work. My parents also stay but are self aware and really want to make my life easier.

DH can of course but even then I don’t like it. Our baby struggles to latch and it’s frustrating watching people clumsily shove the bottle in their mouth.

Were you perfect on your first few tries? How's he going to learn to do it right without practice? There are going to be many things he won't do your way in this child's life but it is his baby too if you want him to feel involved and to be helpful you have to try and relax about it if you're taken ill he will need to get on and do it. In years to come you maybe on here moaning about him not doing his share.

in my world @Avondale89 some parents actually enjoy their babies and don’t want to be apart from them. My DD is 11 months now and hasn’t been away from myself or DH. Not seen the need personally.

@Commentsonpic posters here are so OTT. It’s your baby. If you don’t want MIL feeding baby it’s your choice. Myself and DH have done all feeds for our 11 month old (breast and formula). She’s now 11 months and going to be minded by her granny from 14 months so her granny has done a few feeds recently. I don’t see the need for anyone else to have done any. I’d wonder why some posters have children if meeting their basic need for food is so tedious for them they’d apparently hand the baby to anyone!

Oh my god, the absolute rudeness of some people on here. No YANBU, absolutely not. It is your baby and you carried it for 9 months. You do what makes you feel comfortable and happy, as you said if you were able to breastfeed no one else could could do that. Hope you’re doing well, motherhood is tough!!

Maybe your parents feel more comfortable with you so just get on and do while mIL is worried doing housework would be overstepping or taken as criticism that your not keeping the house well enough?
Do you think you're feeling bad about not being able to do it so it's making your feelings more intense?

The above point is very valid. There have been posts on here where people are insulted their MIL tidied up while visiting, they really can’t win in some cases.

Your baby your choice, just say no and explain that you don’t want to share feeding. I shared with everyone (my Mum had my daughter overnight regularly from 2 weeks) but I’m not a very maternal person, I don’t believe it’s affects bonding though and I’m very close to my adult children.

I felt similar op. I couldn't feed my first dc (found out later it was due to a medical issue of his) and was so sad about it. I asked my dh if it could just be us two that gave the bottles for the first month at least and he understood.

My mum and dad understood but my inlaws really struggled with it. It wasn't to spite anyone though, just that I wanted to recreate the experience I felt had been denied to me. Think we only stuck to it for the first 6 weeks.

Second refused bottles so had me trapped for over a year 😂Poor mil! I always baffled her.