To not let other people feed my FF baby?

[Commentsonpic]

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

Still ploughing through this thread but I can’t help noticing that all the lovely, supportive mummies are out in force - taking bitchiness to a whole new level. How delightful.

The baby’s mother decides. End of.

It's perfectly possible to enjoy your baby but also not want to spend every minute with them.

A baby is such a wonderful addition to the family, everyone basks in the love generated by this wonderful new being and wants to be involved.

Share the damn baby.

I can't remember if I've posted already. It's your baby, you get to decide. Yes it would be lovely for the grandparents to feed the baby - but that absolutely does not entitle them to it. It's equally lovely for your baby to have that strong association of food and comfort with you and DP alone.

Your baby and your decision.

But 9 weeks post C-section means that you are more than capable of sorting your bins out.

My children are all old enough to have children of their own and it was what most people I knew did then. The hand the baby round for feeding (or changing) isn’t something I have ever witnessed.

YABU but why post on here OP? You don't think there is any chance you are being unreasonable so seems pointless.

I breastfed by babies and no one- not even my husband has ever fed them. It was one of the lovely parts of having a baby for me. Why shouldn’t OP be afforded the same experience just because she’s bottle feeding?

@Nurse1980 if you’d read my posts,their first visit I was 10 days post section and so no, i wasn’t able to.

@ImAGoodPerson i was happy to be told I was being PFB but being called selfish and not to be surprised if people don’t give a shit about or love my baby as a result for 17 pages, I felt like defending myself.

The really harsh comments are unnecessary. It's not like you've banned them from seeing the baby.

I think you are unreasonable because it is a bit PFB and a bit selfish but we do odd things when our babies are tiny. I very much doubt anyone hasn't.

I don’t think it’s selfish at all.

For the first few weeks for bonding reasons I formula fed baby myself as was combi feeding. He is 4 months now and I am still combi feeding and let anyone else who wants to, give him the bottle.

My children do have their own and my niece is almost old enough to be my sister everyone I've known has let family take active roles in feeding and changing so it's not an age thing. I know in the US there is a big movement to bond by isolating no visitors for 3 months

Was dad's job done at conception?

@jannier so different families work in different way and both ways of raising children have been used since formula became readily available. It’s not a new idea from America.

I think it would be nice to let them do the occasional feed. It's a joyful thing to do and any grandparent would love to do it. Let them do it periodically and go and have a bath or use the opportunity to do something relaxing. As for not taking the bins our or making tea. they have probably sensed the hostility and don't want to suggest anything like this for fear that it looks like they are in some way undermining you. They sound keen to get involved so just say 'MIL, I'd love if you could feed your GC and FIL, it would be such a big help if you empty the dishwasher and I'm going to go and have a bath'. You're making it into a massive deal.

Seems like it in some cases.

You're not being unreasonable or selfish at all about the feeding OP. Baby can be passed around for cuddles and playtime just fine without having to share a bottle. I understand how particular you can feel about feeding issues if you go through them, it's weird to me that you're getting such a hard time about it here. No one is entitled to feed your baby apart from you and the baby's dad.

Re. making tea and bins and so on... Are you getting enough support from your partner with household tasks, or do you maybe need to lower your standards a little? By 9 weeks I would expect visits to be mostly baby visits than practical help visits. But if you already feel overwhelmed then the thought of having to host and then clean up behind guests on top of everything else can be really frustrating. I remember rushing in a panic everytime to tidy up the place before people came and then being left doing all the dishes and vacuuming afterwards (OH was fine with mess but I wasn't). My dad also brought the dog round and let it poo in my garden and didn't pick it up 🤣 At the time it was all so maddening it used to make me really angry and resentful. But I've since adjusted mentally to a new normal where things might not get done that day, and that's fine. Looking after a newborn is so time consuming and exhausting so cut yourself some slack! (And, maybe, cut your visitors some slack too!)

All the best xx

I know in the US there is a big movement to bond by isolating no visitors for 3 months

I hope that's a joke because it sounds batshit crazy! I was just as enamored of my baby as any other first time mother, but I would have gone nuts not having visitors for three months.

Sounds like a recipe for postpartum depression and a strained marriage. Who thinks up this crazy crap?!

It doesn't surprise me. Especially with all this talk about the ''4th trimester''.

I feel like a lot of advice these days could be a recipe for PPD and a strained marriage.

Odd. My kids seem to be the same age as yours, and neither I nor any of my mum friends were precious about this kind of thing. To be fair most of us breast fed, but our babies got passed around doting family members whenever they visited.
I didn't find it threatening to my bond with my babies. I found it reassuring to know that they had a clan around who loved and would protect them. That connection is important too.

I just used to shove mine and the bottle into the nearest visitors arms while I sat with my feet up with a cuppa.
I loved visitors 👍

All these babies who are not allowed to be fed by anyone but their mum and then the other day a thread where mums were saying their kids were (in some cases) 2 years old and they'd never been away from them.

What happens when you have to hand them to a childminder or nursery for 8 hours so you can go to work?

What if the all seeing, all knowing HV were to say it's not good for the baby?

Odd. My kids seem to be the same age as yours, and neither I nor any of my mum friends were precious about this kind of thing. To be fair most of us breast fed, but our babies got passed around doting family members whenever they visited.
I didn't find it threatening to my bond with my babies. I found it reassuring to know that they had a clan around who loved and would protect them. That connection is important too. I don’t think it’s “precious” to want to be the one that feeds your baby, but if you bf you get to have that anyway. I didn’t say we didn’t hold and play with each others babies I said we didn’t pass then round for others to bottle feed. It isn’t threatening to me to have other people hold my children I just don’t think they need to bottle feed tiny babies. It’s a bizarre idea to me that anyone would think less of you for that let alone be calling you “precious” or implying you are weirdly threatened by people holding your child.
Luckily we can all raise our children how we see fit and there is no rule that if you can’t bf you have to behave in the way you prescribe.

I think OP is right to feel that way. I didn’t let anyone bottle feed my babies apart from my partner or my mum (as I lived with her when both babies were born for a short while)

I agree if you was breastfeeding MIL couldn’t bottle feed her, so what is the difference! It is YOUR bonding time. You are feeling normal emotions and my midwife actually said it’s better for only 2 or 3 people to bottle feed the baby!! Xx