To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Why are you agreeing with this its the most dangerous advice ever

I don't think you're a bad person at all. I think you've coped with serious trauma and you're trying to make positive changes.

But your perspective on the world is seriously skewed. Most people have never been arrested, most people have never lost custody of their children, most people are able to establish relationships in which sex is a part of the relationship but not the most important thing. I hope you will be able to move beyond the significant trauma of your past, improve your self-esteem, and develop strong, loving connections to others.

I don't think much of your current sexual partner. If he knows you're an alcoholic and former drug user, he absolutely shouldn't be encouraging you to drink or smoking weed in your presence.

OP you're kidding yourself if you think that drinking vodka with your new lad is in any way "weaning yourself off alcohol".

And don't get me started on the weed.
Not necessary.
You should be horrified with yourself.
Your children are in care because of your drug and alcohol problems.

Put them first for a change. I am sick of seeing you post that you would die for them.

Had to come back.

You've been dealt a really shit hand in life.

Why do you think you are right and all these other people are wrong?

Why do you not realise that your reality isn't the norm and most don't share it?

Of course most people have never been arrested! (Unless you're including being stopped for speeding, and even then...)

People do drink with their children around but it's unusual for them to be incapacitated. One glass of wine/beer/cider. Not drinking to oblivion.

And whilst sex is important in relationships not everyone thinks it's the be-all and end-all. And what do you think people do when for various health reasons they can't have sex? Do you think all their partners rush off to have affairs?

You've certainly made some rotten choices, but your experience of abuse played a significant role in that.

However, that doesn't excuse anything going forward. I think you need to put some work into counselling (which is tedious, hard work and takes a long time) to get your head straight as well as addressing the substance addiction.

When you can recognise unhealthy patterns of behaviour you can stop them. While you think they are "normal" and "everyone" does it, you're just going to repeat them.

I wish you well.

It’s not the most dangerous advice ever. Anyone who gives up drinking with AA stops. The alcoholic I live with went from two bottles of wine and half a bottle of vodka a day to nothing overnight. Still sober with no ill effects several years later.

To be fair though that doesn’t work for everyone. Managed medical withdrawal can be necessary depending on what someone has been drinking. 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of vodka is at the lower end. It’s not that excessive.

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy this is an absolute car crash I’m sorry to say. I don’t know what the answer is here because you have such disordered thinking that stopping drinking isn’t going to touch the sides. I hope someone intervenes.

Oh, love. I wish I could take you out of your environment and show you what a stable life is like. As far as I am aware, not a single person I know has ever been arrested.

I smell weed in my town but I’ve never taken it myself, or any other drug, because I value taking care of my body - it’s the only one I’ve got and I want to live in it for a long time. We know that weed is bad for many people’s mental health. Your girls need you to take care of yourself mentally and physically - you’re the only mum they’ll ever have.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4816963-how-much-and-how-often-do-you-drink-once-your-dc-are-in-bed-and-asleep?latest=1

There you go

Thankyou for sticking up for me on this when I was hospitalised last year for withdrawals I was fitting because I tried to quit cold turkey the drs had a right go at me for how dangerous it was then I stayed in for 2 weeks had loads of meds and was on a drip of some yellow stuff not sure what it was every few hours until it was safe for me to go home they would literally put my doses up if I was shaking to much and it just meant staying in longer as I needed the drip for longer. I was told never ever to go cold turkey again

Thanks im curious x

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As my doctor friend put it. Women drink for a reason. Those of you who have not known trauma have no idea and sorry things like divorce and miscarriage are nothing like child rape, they are sad and traumatic child rape is a whole different level. Maybe some of you need to think why opening post is here and still engaging after all the abuse. I assume her mum is out of the picture. She needs help and guidance and is on here asking for it. Yes she argues back but isn’t that a healthy mum to daughter relationship rather than her just agreeing.

Thankyou so much. Your right I don't have a mum. I love it when people actually get it ❤❤

I'm single
Don't smoke weed but smell it regularly around the area
Don't drink
Never been arrested
Sleeping with one person on and off for the past 3 years (FWB, we aren't together)

Does your fwb stay at urs when ur kids are there (if you have kids)

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I don't have children, he does and I've never met them or seen them

I even think most people have been arrested at least once in their lifetime

You jumped the shark here. Of course most people haven't been arrested!!
Maybe most people you know, but definitely NOT most people.
I know one very distant cousin who was arrested for getting into a fight, that's it.

Re drinking alcohol with kids in the house, yes I do that. Mine are now teenagers but I will admit to that when they were younger, once they were in bed. I actually do it less now because they need lifts here, there, and everywhere at the weekends.

Thankyou for admitting that as I do genuinely think that is quite normal behaviour when kids are in bed

This really needed saying.

As did the poster who pointed out that the op is not lying about alcohol withdrawal - it is dangerous to go cold turkey for some people.

Honestly the po-faced self-righteousness on this thread is doing my head in

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Perhaps it would be more helpful if the questions about people being arrested and taking drugs were reversed:

OP - How many people do you know who have never been arrested?

And how many people do you know who have never taken drugs?