To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Currently I mean.

They know im under services to stop drinking and they know I was hospitalised last year to withdraw from alcohol. They know im not in a long term relationship so they know im meeting new people

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I think you live in a group of people who are very different to 'normal' society and you are judging what is normal by looking at the people you hang around with.

I work as a therapist and see some of the most damaged and screwed up people and can tell you it is very normal not to drink in front of kids, it is normal to go years without sex (I have been 3 years without sex) and I only know one person out of around 400 that has been arrested

However, if you have grown up around drug users, alcoholics and rapists.... of course you have a different view to most people, as you haven't ever known what 'normal' is.

Sorry, this is a silly example... but it is like if you lived on a small island where everyone wore shoes as hats. Then when you posted to the whole wide world... what shoes do people wear on their head? And people came back and said 'that's mental, people wear shoes on the feet not their head'. You would be confused cos everyone you know puts them on their head. Just cos people in your small area do it, doesn't mean it is normal. People aren't coming on here lying, they just dont know people like you and your crowd. But equally, it must be very difficult to understand if you have never seen 'normal'.

In the wider world, most people use condoms, most people don't cheat, most people dont drink in front of their children, most people don't get arrested. Sure, some do, but it is rare. But then again, most people don't have their kids removed or have BPD. This IS NOT a dig at you. It is just a reminder that your situation is very unusual, so of course your version of 'normal' is going to be a little out of whack

But im not doing that anymore

Not only are you still doing it, you're drinking alcohol and doing drugs with random men, too.

I despair.

Short term is a few days not a year

Not when you're in a long term relationship.

What would you have suggested I do during pregnancy?

I was hospitalised with severe sickness and was still being sick on the day I gave birth. I could barely move without being sick so sex wasn't an option. Then obviously I had to recover from giving birth.

Ty for being understanding and I actually loved your shoe and hat example 🤣

I don't expect you do anything but I also wouldn't expect a partner to abstain from sex for a year

I think anyone who says that cheating is justified/inevitable because people have needs and shouldn’t have to wait around for their partner to not have health issues… has a sex addiction.

People manage to go years without sex, OP, it’s not some weird alien motion. You can have all sorts of fun by yourself (arguably more successfully than with a partner).

I don't expect you do anything but I also wouldn't expect a partner to abstain from sex for a year

So you think it would have been acceptable for my DH to cheat on his pregnant wife?

Bit of an exaggeration

I think its unacceptable to expect someone to not have sex for a year.

A vibrator is never gonna give u what a man can. Enjoying sex does not make someone a sex addict

I don't count but I'm single this is what single people do until they meet someone they wanna spend more time with.

Thankfully, almost nobody would agree with this. Well, not since the 1950s, anyway.

Nobody is entitled to sex. It is not unacceptable, in any sense, for a woman to not provide her husband with sex. It is not acceptable for him to cheat as a result.

You’re essentially saying that it’s ok for men to break up their families before their children are even born, just to get some sex. That’s literally bonkers and I actually don’t believe you really think it. I think you’re just trying to wind people up.

I think its unacceptable to expect someone to not have sex for a year.

That's not really answering my question is it?
Do you advocate men cheating on their pregnant partners?

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who values you for something other than sex?

I’ve managed to go my entire life without sex from a man, OP. How I’m not dead is beyond me.

I’ve had better sex by myself then with another person. You need better sex toys.

Also, I didn’t say enjoying sex means you’re addicted. But you’re an addict, and you know the difference, so stop trolling.

Obviously I don't advocate men cheating but I would also understand if I hadn't had sex with them for a year as I would do the same.
Sex is a big part of a relationship otherwise what's the point u might aswell just be mates

I'd like to know what condition causes sex in pregnancy to be dangerous for the baby

Less