Page 2 | To say no to looking after children so ex can go on holiday?

Thulio · 2023-05-22T19:25:21+00:00

This is my husband's ex. Custody is currently 3 nights a week with us and 4 with their mum. She wants to go on holiday in June and has asked us to have the children for the whole week. However the week she wants to go coincides with my husband also being away for 4 out of the 7 days so I've said no. We have shared DC who are little still and then my husband's older two and it's too much for me by myself. Both of them think I'm unreasonable but I've said no. AIBU?

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 20:54

Why does she think you are being unreasonable and why is he agreeing? How on earth has it got to this stage?

Fairydustandsparklylights · 22/05/2023 20:54

Thulio · 22/05/2023 20:49

She wouldn't be doing me a favour surely? Not like she'd be watching my children. He has changed days previously whenever asked, just can't this time.

He hates arguing with her which is probably why he's putting it on me.

Yes they'd be in school but it's everything else like drop offs, pick up, lunches, dinner, squabbles etc..

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Surely if your husband were to ask her to take the dc for extra days for something related to your family and dc then it would be her doing a favour for you and your dh… aren’t you a package deal now? Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also.

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 20:55

Takenoprisoner · 22/05/2023 20:54

It's almost like they haven't realised that when you have young dc you will miss out on things like week long jollies for friend's birthdays

It's like they haven't realised they are the parents here not OP. They should be utterly embarrassed

IncomingTraffic · 22/05/2023 20:55

He hates arguing with her which is probably why he's putting it on me.

So a classic case of man who
would rather upset his wife than his ex.

As for the emotive nonsense about the kids feels unwanted if the OP doesn’t have them. Surely they’d feel more unwanted that their parents are both too busy to look after them, so why try to make this somehow the SP’s fault?

His ex will just have to accept that she either can’t go on holiday that week because she hasn’t got childcare. That’s life as a parent. 🤷🏻‍♀️

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 20:56

Fairydustandsparklylights · 22/05/2023 20:54

Surely if your husband were to ask her to take the dc for extra days for something related to your family and dc then it would be her doing a favour for you and your dh… aren’t you a package deal now? Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also.

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

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Haha this is a joke?

Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also. WTAF

Guavafish1 · 22/05/2023 20:56

Definitely a big NO to both

spuddel · 22/05/2023 20:57

As others said, if you have kids you can't just take off for a week so if their dad won't accomodate, she can't go. Why is your DH going away? Is it a holiday or work trip?

IncomingTraffic · 22/05/2023 20:57

Fairydustandsparklylights · 22/05/2023 20:54

Surely if your husband were to ask her to take the dc for extra days for something related to your family and dc then it would be her doing a favour for you and your dh… aren’t you a package deal now? Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also.

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

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Are you going for full house in step parenting bingo here?

Maybe the parents should put on their big girl/boy pants and look after their children.

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 20:58

IncomingTraffic · 22/05/2023 20:57

Are you going for full house in step parenting bingo here?

Maybe the parents should put on their big girl/boy pants and look after their children.

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It's got to be a joke..

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/05/2023 20:58

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

But the DC's actual parents don't have to? Odd choice. She has to suck it up but neither of the parents have to.

Original poster

Thulio · 22/05/2023 20:59

just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do

Isn't this just it though? I don't need to do anything. It's not life or death!

OP posts:

harriethoyle · 22/05/2023 20:59

IncomingTraffic · 22/05/2023 20:57

Are you going for full house in step parenting bingo here?

Maybe the parents should put on their big girl/boy pants and look after their children.

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Amazing isn't it? Almost impressively moronic and dog whistle!

StillWantingADog · 22/05/2023 21:00

normally I’d be ok but as it happens to be when your dh is away Yanbu. Four children is a lot.

I’d say ok but it has to be another week when dp is at home.

harriethoyle · 22/05/2023 21:00

Thulio · 22/05/2023 20:59

just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do

Isn't this just it though? I don't need to do anything. It's not life or death!

Think we found your DH's ex, OP 🤣

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:01

Thulio · 22/05/2023 20:59

just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do

Isn't this just it though? I don't need to do anything. It's not life or death!

No you're right and I'm sure your underwear situation is fine

ThereIbledit · 22/05/2023 21:01

Yeah nah, throw it back to your H.

Whammyyammy · 22/05/2023 21:02

SkandiSkando · 22/05/2023 20:26

YANBU but your problem isn’t her asking, it’s him disagreeing with you.

This. Yanbu. She either doesn't go or your dh takes time off.

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2023 21:03

Dh cancels his trip if he wants to have them

funinthesun19 · 22/05/2023 21:03

YANBU. It’s not your job to facilitate your husband’s ex going on holiday. If he’s unavailable that week then it’s tough luck. She’ll have to book something for another time when he can help.

No doubt someone will be along shortly to tell you how this means you must dislike the DSC.

funinthesun19 · 22/05/2023 21:05

Whoops silly me. Someone already has come along 😂.

OP, put on your big girl pants and tell the parents to fuck off more like.

TeenLifeMum · 22/05/2023 21:05

Your dh is being unreasonable. The dc mum is totally fine to ask their dad to help out so she can go away.

StarDolphins · 22/05/2023 21:05

Fairydustandsparklylights · 22/05/2023 20:54

Surely if your husband were to ask her to take the dc for extra days for something related to your family and dc then it would be her doing a favour for you and your dh… aren’t you a package deal now? Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also.

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

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what?!! Yes op knew he had children with his ex when they got with him so has probably welcomed them as step children, is lovely to them when they’re there etc. there is a huge difference between this & being responsible solely for their childcare while their parents go on holidays.

Op, you definitely don’t need to get your ‘big girl pants’ on at all. You’re definitely not being unreasonable & I would say the same as you.

NatMoz · 22/05/2023 21:06

Fairydustandsparklylights · 22/05/2023 20:54

Surely if your husband were to ask her to take the dc for extra days for something related to your family and dc then it would be her doing a favour for you and your dh… aren’t you a package deal now? Anything to make your husbands life easier surely benefits you also.

I really don’t get selfish attitudes like yours. It’s 4 days… they’re your step dc, just put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. You knew your dh had dc when you met him. I bet you’re the first to moan about the ex but are just difficult yourself.

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Troll post alert ⚠️

You did make me giggle though

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:06

TeenLifeMum · 22/05/2023 21:05

Your dh is being unreasonable. The dc mum is totally fine to ask their dad to help out so she can go away.

She's fine to ask but OP says she also thinks OP is being unreasonable to say no.

Complete shambles. Poor kids their own parents fighting over who doesn't have them

IncomingTraffic · 22/05/2023 21:08

Whammyyammy · 22/05/2023 21:02

This. Yanbu. She either doesn't go or your dh takes time off.

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It’s quite depressing how keen some men are to offer out their wives’ labour, when they wouldn’t dream of putting themselves out.

And really weird how some women seem
to feel entitled to their ex’s wife’s labour. To the extent that they get angry at her rather than being annoyed at the children’s father.

But most depressing is how often other women pull out the stepmum bingo phrases and berate a woman who isn’t acting like the unpaid nanny/housekeeper to a separated couple.