To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

I agree with you completely.
It’s just so mean spirited.
Whatever their reasons for joining the PTA they are giving up their time, energy and often money. To facilitate events for all children in school and to raise money for equipment for all children in school.
You don’t have to join in and you don’t even have to like them but at least recognise what they are providing for your child and stop whingeing.

With the exception of your reference to 'lazy mums', I agree. It's a thankless task, running discos, Costco runs, organising Christmas and summer fairs etc. I don't expect praise, it was a choice I made, but yes, the odd comments did sting. We were very grateful for any extra adhoc help, didn't sneer when shop bought cakes were donated, didn't take the front row seats but I still heard sarcastic comments along the lines of 'god, I could NEVER be on the PTA!' We're just trying to raise some money to help towards school trips and enrichment activities FGS!

I’ve seen this on here too. Sneering at ‘PTA types.’ Well who else is going to step up and run things, that the whole school benefits from? I’m at a school where the PTA is being disbanded as no one wants to take it on.

Some parents bitch about the PTA in much the same way that kids bitch about the child who always does well in tests. They make the ones who can’t be arsed look bad.

Well done running a PTA whilst working full time and being a single mum, where on earth did you find the time?

Its a little jarring to hear you describe “lazy mums who fucked off home early”

Lets not equate parents who don’t contribute more time to helping PTA groups with laziness. That sounds a little pious.

It’s worth remembering that PTAs are funded by the parents attending (spending at) all the events you organise- the raffles, the fetes etc.

Absolutely!!

I’m not in the PTA and am truly grateful for the people that are - they do an amazing job. I’ve not observed any clique mentality from ours, as an outsider

I’m not lazy though 😜

I'm not a snob or lazy, but thanks for letting me know that's what you think of me when I'm parting with my money

Well I'm not lazy. And I'm not a snob.

I'm anti pta because I had a horrendous experience on one. I joined and the meetings were held at 3.30 when I worked til 5. There were constant demands to do things at school again during the working day. Similarly, weekend events I was expected to be there all day on a Saturday when I worked full time, my older kids played sport and needed ferried to and from their events and I was caring for my mother who was dying at the time. I got stuck on a candy floss stall all day one year and never got to see my kids at all or enjoy the summer fair with them.

They never asked my ex husband to do anything.

And they had no idea at all of the demands of being a single parent and working full time whilst studying.

The PTA are a royal PITA though and no they don't do much and yes they do sit with a huge bank balance while pleading poverty and asking for yet more money. They are essential but they are also the "cool kids" from school who have time on their hands because they've stereotypically given up work so throw themselves into the PTA and can't understand for the life of them why no one else does.

Why is it "PTA women"? Why aren't the men expected to step up?

In the pta of the school my kids went to there were a lot of mums who didn't work out of the home and who thought that I should "just make time" to bake and cook and sew and wrap Christmas presents.

They had no idea how little time I actually had and the day I got slated for supplying bought baked goods for the end of term party was the day I resigned.

Doesn’t it rather depend on the PTA? Ours seem nice enough but all meetings are during the school day and then there are comments about people not helping. Does rather put backs up of anyone who works office hours.

That said, as a Scout volunteer I’m here to tell you that all volunteer roles are thankless and people will complain whatever you do. It’s far from limited to the PTA. Which is utterly frustrating. And therefore if you aren’t doing anything that limits people’s ability to help whilst simultaneously complaining loudly that they don’t then you have my complete sympathy!

Totally agree, lazy stereotypes about bitchy gossips who don’t work and whose kids get picked for everything.

wasn’t like that in our school. Rightly so as I didn’t join the PTA for my kids to get any sort of advantage. It was to improve the school experience for all kids most notably the leaving dance so that all the kids could enjoy the same without anyone having to pay. I also worked as did the majority of other parents. Kids never got picked for anything and no special treatment/front row seats at assembly etc either. Which is of course all fine, I wasn’t on the PTA for those things.

I am incredibly grateful to the PTA who give up so much time to help the school. I have other volunteering commitments so I haven't joined but volunteer for most events. The chair of our PTA is a lovely woman who does a fantastic job and not heard anyone complain about her at all.

Also my children are in the same classes as both of her's and I haven't seen or heard of any preferential treatment of either of them!

Does your PTA not hold fairs / concerts / cakes sales or whatever? How do they raise the money that's in that huge bank balance?

If you read my post you’ll see I acknowledged that people don’t always have time, which is obviously fine. But plenty of them did have time at my school (I knew them well) but chose not to help. Some even made a virtue of it, boasting that they’d never once run a stall or helped out in any way, because it “wasn’t their thing”.

But my point is that if you don’t have time, or you don’t want to do it - that’s fair enough. But don’t slag the PTA off and say they only do it to get preferential treatment at school. And don’t moan if the PTA parents seem to know the teachers a bit better.

I don’t have much free time, so I donate a (very) substantial amount of money direct to the PTA.

But I’ve still been told it’s disappointing that I don’t bake fucking cakes.

And of course my husband gets none of the shit.

It was a struggle to find the time. Which is why I don’t like reading such negativity about PTAs on here.

I'm not on the PTA but I am on the committee of a sports club that my children are involved in. All of us are volunteers who hold down demanding full time jobs. We don't get many complaints but we do get some. Of course when you ask people who complain or make "helpful suggestions" if they would like to join the committee then the answer is invariably "NO".

Those go complain should do something proactive rather than complain about those who are trying their best.

I've never been on the PTA but did run a popular stall a couple of times.
One parent complained the queue was too long and I suggested she came and helped me serve for 10 mins to get it under control. She said she couldnt because she had children!
So I cant imagine its much fun running the PTA.

Is this thread inspired by the thread this morning about “my invisible daughter”?

That was written by a mum who thought it was unfair two daughter’s of PTA mums were favoured by a teacher?

That sort of favouritism does go on even if it’s not your experience.

Most posters on that thread were not “slagging off” PTAs.

Unfortunately, PTA mums are given a bad name by the few who are unbearably pushy and use their position to elevate their child’s status in school, whilst guilt tripping and hounding extremely busy tired mums into giving up their free time.

I found it quite humiliating to be constantly grilled in the school playground by the head of our PTA asking why I couldn’t man a stall at the summer fete (or similar) and having to justify myself.

Its an unfortunate stereotype but there’s an element of truth there even it doesn’t apply to your PTA.

I know what you mean.
DS2 plays football and it drives me mad when parents criticise the coaches, who give up their free time to run the team. Whenever I suggest that maybe they could step in instead, they laugh and go quiet.

There’s a saying isn’t there - no good deed ever goes unpunished. Certainly applies to this kind of volunteer work.

Absolutely no need at all to use that kind of language (lazy fuckers, snobs) to describe other parents. You sound unpleasant and precisely the kind of PTA mum I would avoid.

The PTA at my DD’s school barely disguised the fact it was an invite only members club. They made lots of noise about wanting all parents to join but anyone who wasn’t in the right parent set was ignored at meetings or given drudge work whilst the inner circle of mums ruled the roost. There were nevertheless lots of sneery comments about mums who wouldn’t give up their time to help ( a school mum friend who joined and quickly left told me about this). The Queen Bee mums in the PTA once deigned to talk to me when they discovered I worked for a well known technology company that provides free software for children. They wanted me to arrange hands on sessions for the children but of course the priority was the year groups their DC were in. Horrendous.

And as pointed out by a PP, the non participating parents who you seem so pissed off with are no doubt the ones contributing to and funding the activities you and the other martyrs in the PTA organise so a bit of gratitude for that wouldn’t go amiss?

I didn’t get involved because of the way it was run at my children’s school. Asking for ‘good quality’ home made cakes to raise funds, then selling them off for less that the cost of ingredients. What’s the point in my giving up my only day off for that or wasting my money in effect? After this experience I made a monthly bank transfer directly to the school.

I agree OP. Fine not to join the PTA if you don't want to, but it's nasty to put them down and sneer at them (online or IRL).