To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

What about our men folk!?

Living up to the stereotype then I see. I am even more glad I didn’t join the PTA when my children were school age.

I was one of the “lazy mums who fucked off home”. With a DP who travelled extensively, it was down to me to sort out getting MIL to visit FIL when he was in hospital for a year, work full time on my own career and parent the children. I did find time to be treasurer for a local branch of a national charity though.

How dare you call mums who don’t participate lazy.

I have been in a pta since my eldest was in Year R and still in one now as he is on his last year in primary. I will probably do it all over again with the youngest too!!

I have experienced a range of how it's gone, and have to say a few years of people doing what they want and not involving the rest of the team (as they should), and this has left it feeling clicky to some.

But we have brought the school so much for the children over that time that the schools couldn't afford themselves, and the kids have benefitted so much.

I absolutely agree. As funding is worsening we really depend on our PTA. The work they do makes our school better for all children.

Now this should actually be at the heart of a thread like this.

Now this should be the actual discussion we should all be thinking about.

The problem with the 'money in an envelope' at the beginning of the year is that people say they will contribute this way and they just don't. Our school runs a scheme like this and gets very few donations, the PTA do a fundraiser for a new bike shed and the money is raised.

I agree with the OP. Don't take part if you don't want to but don't excuse yourself because you see issues with the PTA. If you see issues then step up and change it for the better. It's in your power.

When I was on the PTA committee for my children's middle school there was a parent who used to yell at us when we ran the sign up stall at the first day of school event about how the PTA was a waste of time and nobody should join it.

We used to raise over ten thousand dollars a year for the damn school from our grant applications and fundraising. One year we raised fifteen. We put in new equipment for the science labs, a whole garden for the school to use as an outdoor classroom. We handled all the volunteer opportunities for the school and that parent did Jack Shit year on year to help her child or anyone else's.

The PTA at the DC's elementary school was like a business - they raised seventy thousand dollars a year. I volunteered but avoided the committee work like the plague, I didn't want to mess up a good thing.

Come on OP, even you yourself didn't help with your PTA for years before you started getting involved. You weren't lazy, you were busy and had other priorities. You don't know everyone else's lives.

I agree people shouldn't slag the PTA off though. I'm on ours and I hope no one is slagging me off behind my back. I strongly feel that if you want a great community you have to put time and effort into it - I get involved at school but don't with our local community association, there's not enough time in the day.

If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you don't want people to "slag off" PTA's maybe not doing the same to others might help.

Whilst this is a lovely observation of womens plight for equality, how many people supporting this statement have a partner who does 50 50 domestic labour?

I'll start....mine does, and he is on the PTA.

Yes perhaps PTAs have had their day.

In years gone by, PTAs were organised by SAHM mums who had plenty of free time and enjoyed putting their efforts and capabilities into running events.

Nowadays (as you say op) most mums are juggling full time work, caring for elderly parents, some are lone parents and many feel very resentful that they’re “roped in” and others aren’t.

I was roped into setting up a PTA whilst I was a single mother to 3 children, worked full time, was studying for a PhD in my own time and was volunteering in various other capacities
Is this for real? I’m surprised you didn’t have a breakdown.

You see, that’s in your mind. I don’t have that attitude, and I never did. I just wanted to help raise money. I was always friendly and welcoming, and whilst it was frustrating at times have to beg people to get involved, I was never really too bothered about it if they said no. Not until I started reading on MN that PTA parents are disliked so much, and assumed to be doing it for nefarious reasons.

Read my last paragraph. Honestly, all you’ve seen is the word lazy. Read it again.

I dunno... the PTA mums at our school are the worst type of mum. Nosey, competitive and super bitchy gossips. I am sure not all PTAs are the same though.

Im just very very grateful. I have absolutely no thoughts beyond that.

It seems ironic that u seem to hold stereotypical views on why parents don't join PTAs while moaning about parents thinking stereotypical opnions on PTA parents 🤔

I was on the PTA, a necessary evil to get stuff done, trips, fundraising etc. Bizarre experience, yes it was cliquey and highly ineffective really given the woman-power available (no dads). I did what I could though.

I do completely understand why a lot of parents are put off from joining. Particularly working mums who have limited time and are judged for lazily buggering off after a 14 hour day.

I made the point that people may not have time, or may simply not want to get involved - fair enough. It’s the criticism of PTAs on here that bothers me, implying we’re all cliquey bitches who only do it to get chummy with the teachers so our kids get special treatment

I never ever criticised anyone. I was welcoming to those who wanted to help, in whatever way they were able. I never grumbled at people who didn’t help.

The point I was making is that it’s inevitable that if you get involved with these activities, you will end up talking to the teachers. It’s not that I ever set out to befriend the teachers for selfish reasons. It was an inevitable part of being on the PTA, so it shouldn’t be labelled as an ulterior motive.

I’ve said that people don’t join the PTA because they’re too busy, or they don’t want to, or they might be lazy. I’m honestly not bothered if people are any of those things. It’s absolutely none of my business, nor am I interested. What bothers me is when they come on MN and accuse PTA parents of being bitches who only do it to get preferential treatment for their kids. Why should that type of accusation be considered OK?

That does not excuse your comment.

I think trying to derail a thread by fixating on one word is pretty childish.

Surely no one would disagree with OP's original point that it is not ok to slag off a group of people in this way - even if you don't support what they are doing. In any other context would it be acceptable?

I think if you enjoy volunteering for a PTA then don’t get too bogged down or paranoid by the bias you see on social media.

Its not particularly representative of real life opinion. In reality most parents don’t have strong opinions on PTA members and aren’t even aware who is on the committee.

If you resent the time or effort you put in, then don’t feel guilty about stepping back.

Surely it just depends on what people have experienced from their PTA's.

At nursery PTA were great.

At primary school, the PTA is full of people doing it purely because they are nosey fuckers who enjoy having a tiny bit of power and being able to self-righteously proclaim they are on the PTA at every opportunity.