To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

Its frustrating having to beg other parents

Please at least stop with the begging. 😩

Plenty of PTAs fundraise successfully without this approach.

Ive been hounded by PTA members in the playground who simply won’t accept I can’t afford to give up much money or time.
Ive seen a parent asked in front of others Why hasn’t she handed in her smarties tube filled with 20ps yet? How humiliating.

Please just take No for an answer.

If you want people to respect your genuine motivations for fundraising then please respect their genuine reasons for not contributing (time or money).

I don’t think it’s right to say non PTA mums are lazy. No one knows what other people have got on in their lives.

I was with you until your “ lazy mums “ comment.

No offence to you . You clearly deserve a large badge and are doing a supreme job, but please please don’t tar all school mums who aren’t on the PTA with the same brush.

I have a fantastic relationship with my children’s school and I am not on the PTA . I alap know I’m not deemed as lazy . I am going through some pretty heavy stuff in my personal life so being able to help once an event has finished at my school would not be something I am able to do.

I guarantee you that in our school our wonderful teachers and HT would not deem me as ‘ lazy’ so please do hang up your judgy pants and you just do you.

Same, mine was the chair!

Oh god get over yourself.

What about a nurse who’s just finished a 12 hour night shift saving lives in an ICU who’s rushed to watch her child in a school play? Or a builder who’s just spent all day digging the foundations for your extension but has paid for a ticket to see his son? Or the hundreds of people that volunteer in other capacities?

Volunteer at the school if you want but don’t be a bloody martyr about it or expect special treatment.

That's not what the OP said.

It's the parents slagging off the PTA volunteers but refusing to do anything themselves who we are talking about.

Non-involved parents are not the issue.

@ReachForTheMars unfortunately I divorced my ex in large part because he was sexist. How would you suggest I - who divorced him - have made him participate in the PTA?

SmileyClare

You are the one complaining about "special treatment".

No one is a martyr, but it more than makes sense to save a seat for someone who is actually doing something.

Thankfully in the real world being a nurse or a builder has never stopped anyone joining the PTA when they wanted to.

I didn't mind people not volunteering with PTA activities. A few of us were SAHM or self employed so could help with PTA stuff. A lot of parents were working two or three jobs to get by or had to work ungodly amounts of overtime, or just didn't like doing that kind of stuff.

What I objected to was the woman yelling rude stuff at us, when we were trying to sign people up, that we were useless and never did anything worth a damn.

To add, if she made any effort at all she would have known exactly what we did for the school, but she was still stuck in the PTA situation of four years before when there was just one person trying to do it all and not getting much done obviously.

Depends what they do
as in thrusting an empty smarty tube at kids and telling you to fill it with £1 and prize for first 3 back

YaNBU our pta is amazing

I don't participate apart from class rep and volunteer at events.

I use £ excessive donations to ease my guilt.

I simply don't have the headspace but am very grateful for those that do

I really appreciate everything the PTA does, as a parent and a teacher. However, there are a few things that grind my gears a bit:

1. Being really aggressive about demanding help: 'if no one volunteers for this, we will have to cancel the whole event!!!' Messages direct to class whatsapp groups - then not allowing people to bring younger siblings if they are helping (that counts me out then as I have no childcare).
2. Constant requests for money/donations at the most expensive time of the year (Christmas).
3. The classlist app.
4. As a teacher - poorly thought-through events where the kids are really badly behaved - I mean, why oh my would you sell unlimited sweets and fizzy drinks at a disco, then allow the dj to whip the kids up into a frenzy, ending in multiple vomiters and an actual stampede?

But apart from that, crack on.

And another thing - I didn't particularly like feeling 'held to ransom' over a leavers hoodie for a year 2 child. I couldn't afford the £20 at the time but my daughter has never forgiven me for not getting her one. Fundraisers where there is a significant amount of peer pressure don't leave a lot of room for opting out.

Just because someone is volunteering their time doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be questioned.

YANBU
I think a lot of it is guilt, that for whatever reason they can’t be more involved

I work 30 hours a week , and always tried to offer to help. I’ve manned stalls - we ask for help. We had 2 classes a year group so ‘roughly a pool of 120 parents’ per year group that could help. We asked for at least 12 volunteers to cover the 2 hours with 20 min slots and could then enjoy the event…..we had 2 parents and me - was so tough seeing the parents enjoying it with their children but couldn’t offer 20 mins of their time :(

Those same parents always complain, it wasn’t fun enough or not enough to do or we should do more events….but somehow expect the very small pool of willing volunteers to make it happen :(

We put the meeting as an option of a zoom call early evening long before covid and still only had 8 parents show up. We do have a lot of willing Dads - they’ve set up their own drinks & events which has been one positive!

& I had the quiet good child made no difference still wasn’t picked for anything 😂

What bothers me is when they come on MN and accuse PTA parents of being bitches who only do it to get preferential treatment for their kids. Why should that type of accusation be considered OK?

Because it's the lived experience of others?

You have had one experience of a PTA, and based on that one experience, and have decided to berate others for doing the exact same thing, just because their experience was negative. A bit of a case of the pot calling the kettle black-arse, don't you think?

I was on a PTA. Awful experience. Cliquey. Focus was on ingratiating themselves and their offspring to the principal and teachers. Very little focus on what was truly in the best interests of all the kids. I can acknowledge other people have had different experiences on PTAs, but that doesn't mean they're all fabulous.

Being really aggressive about demanding help: 'if no one volunteers for this, we will have to cancel the whole event!!!' Messages direct to class whatsapp groups

Why is it aggressive? It's factually true.

Many parents refuse to recognise this, but many PTA have cancelled events because there was not enough volunteers. Then parents moaned because the event was cancelled. How did they expect everything to run?

You might get direct message to class whatsapp groups because they work! Sometimes that's the only way you attract enough volunteers.

Refusing younger siblings is odd, unless there's a valid health and safety concern. It would wipe out most of the volunteers!

You’re missing my point.

You said any PTA member who has helped organise an event is entitled to have a front row seat. “They probably hadn’t sat down for hours- putting chairs out and selling refreshments” oh boo hoo

I was pointing out that many parents likely “hadnt sat down for hours” either! And gave a couple of examples of very physical jobs.

No your school status is not elevated because you’re on the PTA.

You seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder about parents who don’t volunteer for the PTA!

I agree with you OP, but do stop with the "lazy mums" crap. There are more ways to volunteer than the PTA.

I am with you on this. In my experience most people who end up doing the PTA are the least likely to do PtA stuff. It definitely wasn’t sneery at my kid’s school. They were just grateful for anyone to help. For a while absolutely nobody wanted to and then it got a bit better. But it is hard to raise £15- 20k a year which was the target. (State primary) You tend to fall into it. I always got so fed up with parents wanting the school to have nice new stuff but unwilling to help fundraise even a little bit. Some just would not engage at all. The parents who did it actively were often the ones with 3 kids and a full time job and were run ragged.

Not the PTA but the leaseholders managing committee for my building.

I do loads unpaid (mostly chasing up the paid professional property manager), and do small DIY jobs myself to save us all money. I occasionally ask for people to volunteer to help out.

When the annual service charge invoices there is always masses of vitriol about how much they it is. Yet the people who express the vitriol are never the ones to volunteer when we do small jobs in house to save money. I'm getting totally sick of it.

I'm also getting sick of the abject failure of some young professionals to grasp that you can't just dump your old iikea furniture in the bin story for the magic bin fairy to deal with. There is a comprehensive residents handbook which explains the proper process to access the council waste collection (and it's easily googleable via the council website) and signage in the bin store advising people about this.

I've come to the conclusion that there are those who contribute, those who are neutral and those who take advantage. I sometimes wish I was in the latter group!

You have a terrible attitude. You're the epitome of the bitter martyr PTA mum sneering at everybody else.

Fair enough. I was in the PTA despite working in a full on job, running in last minute to the back of assemblies usually, no front row seat for me!