To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

A lemon drizzle bitch 😂😂

We had a parent on our PTA and no one else was allowed to bring a Victoria sponge because that was her "signature cake" and she used to throw away others and say they fell off the table or got damaged

Such a PTA mum thing to say 😁

Eye-rolling at the poster who complained about being stuck on a busy stall once, so didn’t get to see their kids enjoy the event. What do they think happens to PTA parents’ kids pretty much EVERY event?! If more parents volunteered to help then they’d only need to do an hour here or there.

Appreciate every school set up will be different but at ours, it really is the same parents volunteering every single time and the same parents (who never lift a finger for whatever reason) that moan about the events (cost, timing, variety, lack of bloody glitter tattoos or face paints or music too loud/not loud enough etc etc). Whilst everyone’s jumping on the ‘lazy’ comment, this is what the OP is on about.

I was with you until you called those of us who can't commit to anything and turn up and then go, 'lazy mums'.

The majority of the PTA at DD's school work PT or are SAHM. Naturally, they have more time than they likes of I, who work FT. Nice to know I'm seen as lazy though!

@KittyAlfred Amazing that so many always just see one word they object to in a post and then attack the OP about it. All you said was that you wish people stopped bitching about PTA parents. Well done for a job well done and just ignore all the pointless ranters who want everything done to their expectations without lifting a finger :)

Even sahm aren't obliged to do PTA stuff. A woman's time is her own, not up for grabs by people who think she should be doing something more 'worthy' with it!

Most parents dgaf what PTA parents do
Youre not curing cancer

There is a stereotype “PTA mum” let’s be honest.
However, I’d advise getting over yourself sorry if that’s harsh.
You aren’t the topic of playground conversation amongst parents, there isn’t a vendetta against you. Most parents might feel gratitude that you’re helping out with some fund raising in your spare time but it ends there.

There are thousands of people worldwide doing great things for the good of mankind, none are above criticism.

Some perspective is always useful!

Agree, but it's not just PTAs. All the hobby groups I've been involved in have had people moaning about the committee or the organisers. When challenged, none of the moaners want to step up and do the actual work involved, or take responsibility for decisions and policies.

Yes, people who love being on these committees probably are a certain type of person to some extent, but where would we be without them? I've always offered my help to the PTA and I've had my arm twisted to join committees.

It extends into everyday life too. I've got a friend who used to organise walking weekends etc for a big group of mums when our children were young. She put a huge amount into it and tended to get moans and complaints for her trouble. The participants were all keen to go, but could be very negative. One year, she'd had enough and said 'Look, does someone else want to organise this year?' Cue the sound of people scampering away sheepishly.

When you do all the organising work, the unfair part is that you get all the blame as well, and hardly ever any thanks or appreciation.

It has to go both ways. People who choose to volunteer their time shouldn't look down on others who choose not to. And parents who don't give up their time should appreciate those who do, and try to support their fundraising efforts. Its so easy for both sides to lose sight of the other.

I keep being asked to join the PTA as they need a treasurer and people know I work in finance. But it would be a disaster because I'd be expected to contribute time I don't have, and I can't make the meetings as they clash with DC swimming lessons, so I have to keep saying no.

I also think the PTA has to realise its the same parents putting their money into the school time and time again. I donated £250 to them during lockdown to fund an extra outdoors teaching space and didn't even get an email acknowledgement. Now I donate straight to the school.

Ah but then the PTA will be sat in the front row watching their kids in the lead roles each time. Swings and roundabouts

@Mygazpachoistoocold I absolutely agree, the dc love the discos, fetes etc. I'll continue to volunteer to work on stalls, do the glitter tattoos etc, but I don't want to be on the committee.
To my mind the aims should be two fold, to provide lovely activities and raise funds. The fundraising is very ineffective but I've no doubt the members are working hard. So rather than sit there frustrated ill opt out and leave them to it.

The point you are missing is that the OP's choice of words and attitude sums up perfectly why the PTA gets so much stick.

Yes perspective is useful. People need to be able to play to their strengths and not be judged.

Contribute in whatever way you can, support the events the PTA put on, donate to the school, volunteer, campaign for more funding for schools from government. Or maybe you are contributing to society in other ways, that’s great. Maybe you don’t have the capacity - you’re juggling kids with the full time care of an elderly incontinent mum and trying to survive on carers allowance. (Maybe PTA funds could help you). It’s all fine in the round.

You're not unreasonable, OP. I've never joined PTA at DS's current school because my work schedule is pretty inflexible past a certain point, but they do a lot for the school, and lots of their input is the 'extra' stuff that has a disproportionate impact on the niceness and fun-ness of DS's school experience. I donate big prizes to fund-raising raffles, sell tickets and get involved in sponsored walks, campaigning etc. I don't recognise the 'cliquey' Mean Girls stereotype I see on here. I can't remember anything about the PTA at DS's last school, but the ones I've encountered at his current primary are a pretty varied bunch -- there's a very cool rock chick older single mother, and a nice purple-haired hippy music teacher, and a two men with impressive beard-grooming who do a lot of stuff around sports and music after-school, equipment etc.

@Peacepudding not at our school! PTA parents have zero input or influence over class-related activities. If that happens elsewhere then that’s shit, yes. And ridiculous.

Eye-rolling at the poster who complained about being stuck on a busy stall once, so didn’t get to see their kids enjoy the event. What do they think happens to PTA parents’ kids pretty much EVERY event?!

That was me. But my ex was never there and was never asked to give up his time. So my kids just had to run wild. I didn't get a break at all that day not even to have a wee. Everyone else did because the pta parents swapped everyone else around. I was "forgotten" about. That's what they said. Oh we forgot about you.

That's not fair. I couldn't leave the stall and when I asked the pta parents who came to the stall with their kids they said I had to go to the chair as there was a rota for times. Except the chair "forgot" about me.

Way to really convince people the PTA ISN'T full of judgmental, rude mean girls 🙄

@notgojira I didn’t say it was fair (that it happened to you), it’s crap. But that’s a very common experience for the parent’s of volunteers and PTA kids most of the time. Hence the eye roll - what do you think those parents do with their kids whilst they’re organising/running things? And yes we have single parents involved too.

But at least you volunteered. The point (as per OP) that the more people volunteer the less pressure on those that do - and if you don’t, for whatever reason, don’t moan about things!

@RoomOfRequirement if that’s aimed at me I’m not even on the PTA.

Exactly this!

@StringersBell I couldn't go to the meetings. They were at 3.30 and I worked full time a 90 minute commute away.

I was told if I wanted to have a choice of stalls then I had to go to the meetings

When I said the chair should consider having meetings in the evenings so that working parents could attend I was told to take time off work to go to the meetings.

I volunteered every year at the summer fair until the year I heard the chair of the PTA slagging me off to another parent for being a single parent and not being well enough turned out and not providing home baked goods but having bought them.

I'd volunteered for every Christmas and summer Fayre from my eldest started at the school. At that point 6 or 7 years.

I'd done loads. And I wasn't going to be slagged off behind my back but loud enough so I heard. Coz that's bitchy.

Why doesnt your children'sfather join? If breaking the stereotype is important to you then encourage him to be the change you want for your children. There are blokes on our childs PTA, including my husband who works full time.

I agree OP, why does it make people feel better if they slag off other parents?

Volunteers: are just as busy
have jobs, families, commitments just as much as anyone else, sometimes more. You know the saying, if you want something done, ask a busy person.

Spend and contribute as much money as others at all the various fairs and events. Probably more money because their children spend longer there, as their own parents volunteer so are stuck there all day!

BUT volunteer and sacrifice the time they don't really have to help out.
You cannot blame them for becoming resentful of the poor attitude and being looked down by parents whose own children benefit from all the hard work!

Some parents enjoy all the PTA events and organising. Other volunteers really have no interest and plenty they would rather do, but as a parent consider their responsibility to step up and do their bit helping towards their children.

There is a nasty attitude "I am too busy and too important to bother with menial PTA fill with bored and lazy people - but I expect my little darling to receive all the benefits from other people's volunteering". It's funny how all these oh-so-busy-people find time to comment on social media trying to justify how busy they are.

Genuinely busy parents don't have time or any interest to bitch about the PTA and other volunteers, they just get on with their own life.

This

Ah but then the PTA will be sat in the front row watching their kids in the lead roles each time. Swings and roundabouts

If the PTA has been unable to sit until the very last second because they had been busy all morning setting up, selling refreshments for example, and will stay later to clear out before rushing to their full time job, sounds fair enough they have a seat doesn't it?
I am sure they would be delighted if you volunteered and you would get your front row seat too.