To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

@Meixo Christmas jumper day etc aren't usually PTA things though? They are school organised mostly.
(Obviously schools do vary but as far as I know - they are rarely a PTA organised event)

@strawberriesandkreme ours isn’t like that at all. It’s 100% give us your money, or else we will shame you. The head is constantly trying to lower their expectations because she appreciates that a lot of parents don’t have the income. Because of that the PTA genuinely believe that the head is combative and trying to work against them.

thats why I try to steer clear, because they are very publicly rude to people who disagree with their stance. They publicly posted on the PTA fb page that it was disgraceful the kids didn’t have a trip to the pan to cos some kids couldn’t afford the £25 ticket/coach each and that their kids were missing out yet again.

it’s really disheartening.

Lol. I couldn't think of anything worse than joining a PTA

I agree with you OP. If people don't want to join a group that's up to them, but constantly slagging them off and stereotyping them is unfair. I've seen horrible comments on here about people who volunteer at their church: 'busybodies' 'nothing better to do' etc.

Try being a charity shop volunteer! We're all thickies who know the value of nothing and love nothing more than pricing a Primark t-shirt at a tenner and looking at it on the rails for a year, steal all the "good stuff", are probably only volunteering because we can't get a proper job, lacking in social skills and sneery.

Networking with the teachers & head every bit as important to some😉

Objectively you are absolutely correct, but my own experience unfortunately feeds into the perceived opinion!

When DD was about 9 I offered to help out at her school disco. The mum organising it was very frosty when I approached her, which through me a bit.

The disco itself was horrendous though. There was actually very little to do as she'd employed so many volunteers, but she micro-managed all of us for the duration. I left what I was expecting to be a lovely time enjoying seeing my DD have fun, feeling pretty useless and over-analysing what I'd actually done wrong. Never again.

It depends on the PTA. I’m sure some are great. Ours is incredibly cliquey. They all even look the same! 😂
I volunteered a couple of times, then saw they were begging for volunteers again so said I’d help. Turned up to collect items I needed and they’d already been collected by I’m assuming volunteers they preferred. Needless to say, after a wasted journey and no real apology, I’ll never help them again.

To be honest I think your posts prove the point of view of the people you're complaining about. You're rude, judgey and feel the need to let us know how marvellous you are.

School PTAs are amazing.

Seriously, the meat has been stripped off the bone funding-wise, and most schools couldn't be without their PTA. They raise money for all sorts of important school materials, resources and equipment.
You're doing a fab job

Sounds like our schools PTA.

Full of their own importance 🙄

Because I thought this was your post:

That was me. But my ex was never there and was never asked to give up his time

It is for real, it was manageable but I had zero traditional social life though 😅
I did make a lot of long term friends out of that and other voluntary projects, lots of like minded folk.
Met my long term partner at a community lunch project I volunteered with on a Saturday.

It certainly all kept me out of mischief, I don't always make the best decisions when left to my own devices 😅

Number 4 on your list reminds me of a Halloween Disco we organised once, the Head decided he wanted to join in but had no costume so found a white sheet and stuck it over his head, he went running into the hall making ghost noises and whilst running around making ghost noises he tripped over a child and went careering into a stack of chairs at which point 2 Year R kids promptly peed all over the hall floor 😆

What childrens activity CAN people volunteer for without accusations of "he's only in the team /panto /nativity/ orchestra/ choir/ because his Mums on the committee" etc?

The reality is that if your child is massively keen on unicycling, its likely because theyre good at it, and theyre likely to practice at home and go to class every week... therefore get at better at it. And you're more likely to want to see that club continue and go to competitions or displays, so youre more likely to volunteer for the unicycling committee.

I had the misfortune to volunteer on DD's dance club committee (it was a parent run group, obviously!). DD was rubbish at dance, so wasnt in a starring role in displays - fair enough. Other committe member had DD who was great at dance so did get the coveted "front and centre" stage position fairly regularly. The amount of parents moaning about how unfair it was that that DD got a good position it was unbelievable. It was a kids dance class, in a rural village hall... they were all pretty rubbish at it!

I think the reverse is true, the OP is just complaining about people who complain but do nothing. Why do you take it personally?

Then perhaps you shouldn’t have joined….

I joined the pta with the very best of intentions. Jesus Christ. All the negative things said about them here are true. Yes, they put an incredible amount of hard work into fundraising. Yes, they make sure you know about it, yes the women who run it are martyrs, yes they want advantages for their kids, yes it is just like Motherland. Helped out loads of times, hated every minute.

@Alexa51 as I said above the head of ours is literally Amanda, the rest made up of petrified Anne's & Kevin's.. After a couple of meetings I quickly realised I'm a Julia..

I don't understand PTAs, if so essential why don't high schools have them, for fundraising and so on. Never joined as the meetings were after school but helped at the odd event.

I don't understand PTAs, if so essential why don't high schools have them, for fundraising and so on. Never joined as the meetings were after school but helped at the odd event
Most secondary schools I've worked in have had PTAs.

Secondary schools do have the economy of scale that some primary schools don't though, which might also be a factor on funds and budgeting.

Same. I only joined mine when my youngest started the school as I wanted to be more involved and make the school better for the kids!

I work, as well, I don't judge people not in the PTA, but if you want to help make it nice for your kids and everyone else's- it wouldn't kill you to help out a bit!

This, I joined as I wanted to have a connection to the school. DD joined reception in the COVID years, we were never even allowed a visit before she started. I have personally been shocked at the kind of things the school has asked us to fund (what seems like basic stuff)

Our PTA isn't cliquey, is mainly made up of working parents with a range of professional jobs, skills which we use to our adv. I would say it isn't representative of the economic demographic of the school but we try to be mindful of that .

So far, DD doesn't seem to have been advantaged by my "influential" role on the PTA committee.

define essential....

From the website parentking, first thing that pops up on google but sums it quite well:

The most common items supported by PTA funds were:

• Educational materials (books, classroom equipment, sports equipment)
• School trips
• Playground equipment
• School renovation projects
• School costs (e.g. staff training)

Many PTAs support learning by funding technology, books, art supplies, science equipment or even items for a forest school for outdoor learning. One PTA told us they buy online subscriptions to class learning tools.

Sport and activities are often fundraised for; like sports kits, equipment, playground toys and even swimming lessons.

We’ve also heard from some groups spending on school improvement for example a life-saving defibrillator, a new stage, library seating, and furniture. One of the most commonly funded is playground improvement.

Money towards things to do can help support the learning such as visits from authors, a trip to the theatre, a panto visit or even a day at the zoo.

Last but not least there’s always fun extras that can enhance the experience of each child; Christmas goodies, Easter eggs for a treasure hunt, ice lollies on sports day, rainy day games, leavers’ gifts and a top up of fruit every week.

We could argue that it should not be up to the PTA to have to find the funds for all the above, but as it stands, that's where the money goes.

I would say it's all pretty essential.

@55balloons ha ha - yes, I think I'm Julia too. @Peccary - I would agree - I don't think any children of PTA bods get any preferential treatment. There are lots of pleasant parents who help out here and there as they want to support the school. However, the main Queen bees who run it at ours are definitely doing it to be 'seen' and to improve their standing at school - one in particular loves to feel a bit superior (so much name-dropping on the class WhatsApp) and the virtue-signalling is relentless. Sadly I've found it to be quite a miserable business but just leave them to it.

Well, my DCs PTA do a great job and I'm sure many do. I don't know most of the PTA which I see as a good sign! It means they are quietly getting on with it and sending emails when necessary etc... Not shouting from the rooftops or bossing everyone around . I think the work they do is v valuable and I'm really really grateful.

However, with an experience of a previous school, and knowing my SIL who is involved in a PTA at another school, I can say that not all mums/dad's involved in PTAs are great people. In my sons last school the PTA brigade were a nightmare! So so full on, in everyone's business and a couple were definitely only on the PTA so they could tell everyone how virtuous and martyr like they were. I volunteered to support the committee because I felt I ought to do my bit to help the school, and was given a job description and told I would be interviewed(? 🤔🙄) I decided at that point it wasn't for me thanks v much! I mean who needs to be interviewed to help sell a couple of cakes or man the rifle stand at the school fair?

My SIL is the head of the PTA (or so she says), in her kids school. I hear about it all the bloody time. How great the PTA is for this, how wonderful they are about that. How she has single handedly raised thousands of pounds. How everyone would be lost without her blah blah blah. How the PTA are amazing and wonderful. She knows all the teachers by first names (I expect most run when they see her!!) And talks about them all the bloody time! She is sooooo bossy and tells everyone what to do, etc... She drives me insane and there is no way I'd be in a PTA with her, or send my kids to the same school! Ever!

I'm sorry, but the PTA is not for me. I'm sure there are many good eggs and many PTAs doing a great job. But there are also lots of bossy martyr mums who think they r the bees knees who are on some of these committees too. Thats what gives them a bad rep!