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Original poster

Sibs think we should sell to pay care home fees

731 replies

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 21/05/2023 23:15

Context: Victorian semi, converted into two one bed flats by myself and my parents in the '90s. I married and DH and I have continued to live in and own the ground floor flat, with extension and garden (and paid off the bloody mortgage!) , parents owned (paid for outright) and lived in the upper flat. Mum died a decade ago and Dad has recently moved into a care home so his flat has to be sold to pay the fees. DH is also battling a chronic illness.

My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live". My Sis is telling them to back off and I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

OP posts:
WickedSerious · 21/05/2023 23:20

What's their reasoning for wanting you to sell the whole house?

Badbudgeter · 21/05/2023 23:22

Was the conversion done properly? Planning permission. Separated into two properties on land register, paying separate council tax etc.

If so I’d tell them no.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 21/05/2023 23:23

What's the legal ownership of the flat you live in?

Do you have paperwork saying it's yours?

HeddaGarbled · 21/05/2023 23:25

If it’s worth more as a whole house than two separate flats, it’s worthy of consideration.

QuickDuck · 21/05/2023 23:26

Why on earth do they even think you should consider selling your flat? Do they own property? Maybe suggest they’ll sell theirs and you’ll find them somewhere else!
Bizzare for them to suggest it.

SW2002 · 21/05/2023 23:27

Perhaps the brothers could sell their own homes to pay the fees and you and your sis could 'find them somewhere to live?'

No? (shocker!!) Thought not!

They. Can. Piss. Right. Off. Then!

QuickDuck · 21/05/2023 23:27

HeddaGarbled · 21/05/2023 23:25

If it’s worth more as a whole house than two separate flats, it’s worthy of consideration.

It will likely be worth more, but it’s op’s home. The care fees shouldn’t come out of the value of her home so why does it matter?

TomatoSandwiches · 21/05/2023 23:29

You paid of a mortgage which means it was all done properly.
Tell him you'll consider it when he sells up his house first.

HeddaGarbled · 21/05/2023 23:38

New neighbours might be noisy or unpleasant.

Obviously you don’t have to move if you don’t want to, but there’s no need for “I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone”. They’re family, they’re involved in the sale of your parents’ flat, and exploring options and expressing opinions is not unreasonable.

Look at the pros and cons and then tell everyone what you’ve decided.

suburbophobe · 21/05/2023 23:43

My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live".

HAHAHAHA.

Fuck them. Stand your ground.

I know all about bossy siblings. It's hard but they do NOT OWN YOU.

Monkeypuzzlegane · 22/05/2023 00:13

Just checking OP do they think they have any right to your flat? Was it given to you at a cheaper rate back in the day? Are they miffed about the flat split at all?

i suspect you paid fairly for it so they are out of order. But feels like there might be more to this?

mainsfed · 22/05/2023 00:13

It’s not clear who owns what. Could you clarify, OP?

anon067 · 22/05/2023 00:29

I wouldn't sell if you don't want to. The fact it may be worth more as one (not always the case) is irrelevant.

Crumpleton · 22/05/2023 00:36

If it's your home payed for by you, which it sounds like it is a you say you paid off the bloody mortgage! then why on earth does your DB think you should sell your flat?

SequinsandStilettos · 22/05/2023 00:37

Makes no sense at all.
Your mum's flat will have to pay her care fees until it runs out.
No inheritance, such is life.
Your flat was/is separate and you have paid it off/it is your home.
Even if you got a good deal on it, your parents had the benefit of you being nearby.
Your brothers' suggestion makes zero sense.

mdinbc · 22/05/2023 00:44

I'm sorry you are in this situation, but you will need to get your ducks in order, either now, or eventually when your father passes away, and the property will need to be divided. It really depends on how the ownership is legally written, are you joint tenancy where you all own the property together, or tenancy in common, where you each separately own your share.

If tenancy in common, your father's flat can be sold on its own, and the proceeds can be used by him, for care and to go to his estate eventually. If you own it jointly, perhaps get an evaluation, and you could buy out his share, give the proceeds to your father, and rent it out so you can afford to stay there.

I say better to take care of it now, rather that later. Good luck.

BreadInCaptivity · 22/05/2023 00:47

Makes no sense.

One flat is sold so beyond family ownership?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/05/2023 00:50

Who, exactly, owns what? Don't allow your brothers to bulldoze you out of your home.

BelperLawnmower · 22/05/2023 00:54

To little information to pass judgment.

bridgetreilly · 22/05/2023 01:36

They are bonkers. Your flat is a separate property. Your parents’ flat can be sold or rented, but you don’t have to do anything with yours. Unless they are all selling up to pay the care home fees too. No? Thought not.

Murdoch1949 · 22/05/2023 01:59

If you want to sell your half as well, then ok. Conversion back to a house will not be straightforward, and will need cash. You also need to be prepared for neighbours not as nice as your parents were, that may change your views on your flat if you remain.

blahblahblah1654 · 22/05/2023 02:06

No way, it's your home. Your mums home will be used to pay for care home fees, not yours. Tell your brothers where to go.

JenniferBarkley · 22/05/2023 02:55

I'd want to tell them to feck off on principle.

However, if the building would be worth more as one house, there may be a purely financial argument for doing so if it enabled you to buy somewhere nicer. Especially given the risk of new noisy neighbours upstairs. If you considered this, given you have extended your part of the house is likely worth more than half, so get both flats valued and make sure it's legally set in stone that your share is in proportion to the value of the flats.

Of course, it may that that even if selling would enable you to buy a mansion you would have no desire to move and of course that's fine.

Do they have cause to feel hard done by, did you buy at a cheap price and did they get equal help from your parents? Tread carefully if so for the sakes of your future relationship (if you want one).

anyolddinosaur · 22/05/2023 03:05

Who owns the freehold? You may not have had a formal agreement over what is and is not permitted under the leases and how the property is insured and repairs and upkeep managed. That needs to be sorted out before selling one flat, for your protection. Once it is then the amount realised from the sale is not likely to be greater than a sale of one flat alone.

It sounds like your brothers think you lived there on a grace and favour basis rather than having bought the flat at the same time as your parents. That needs to be made clear to them. Any financial help your parents may have given is not really relevant and I imagine you have been the one supporting your parents on a daily basis until now.

Up to you whether you want to move or not, you may get less pleasant neighbours.

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 22/05/2023 03:11

Don’t do it OP. You could end up homeless.