To think Dh should be able to do bedtimes without me being called up

[Themegapintthingisback]

We have a Dd, 4, we alternate bedtimes, Dd needs us to lie with her for a bit after stories etc, until she falls asleep.
A couple of times a week, there’s some kind of incident and Dd starts crying and wants me, I then come up and lie with her of have to take over. I’m more patient than Dh and he often loses patience with her and tries to hurry her etc/gets cross.
She’s had a slight temp and fever nightmares this week and understandably is nervous to sleep. She’s needed a lot of reassurance and has slept with us all night, which is fine.
Tonight was Dh’s bedtime, I hear Dd crying again and Dh telling her not to be silly, Dd was saying how the shadows of the light shade was scaring her etc, she started to cry badly for me and wouldn’t go to sleep without me. I stayed upstairs with her until she fell asleep (Dh stayed too)
Aibu to expect Dh to be able to to bedtimes and be gentler with Dd
and to just do better, without her always wanting me, or is this normal?

Yes exactly. He’s impatient and short with her, and if she says she’s scared of something he tells her she’s silly. He isn’t calm and reassuring to her at bedtime, he just wants it over with. No wonder she wants her mum.

The ops daughter doesn't do what she's told and does mess about at bed time mummy doesn't leave the room and doesn't want daddy to if she messes about it sounds like she wants lo to decide to stop playing not do it when asked a child like that will have issues at school/childcare.

At one hand you are a martyr and cry out that you never get a break

At the other hand you maintain this problem by saying

" I don’t suppose many people *Want to lie with their child until they fall asleep, but if they need it, they do it, surely? I’d much prefer to be downstairs from 7 with the whole night to myself, but being a parent isn’t always like that is it."

Parenting IS like that if you create rules and boundaries and not giving in to every tanty your dd throws.

She doesnt NEED you at night

She WANTS you at night

There is a big difference op

@SparklyBlackKitten Ridiculous to say that a four year old never needs her mother at night!

My twins are four. They absolutely DO need me at night sometimes. They have bad dreams/wake up started/feel scared etc. etc. Being a parent doesn't stop once your kids are in bed!

Op. Your husband sounds a lot like my ex husband was. Note the ex.

Waking after nightmare, sick etc is not the same as needing you to lie with them like a teddy bear making yourself the comforter so when they wake in the night as we all do they need you back again....that's like how you feel if you fell asleep on the sofa and woke in bed....what the hell where am I etc. You need children to get used to going to sleep in their own bed in the conditions they will be in when they will be in when they wake in the night to give a chance to self settle....we all wake in the night we just don't remember because we can self settle.

Precisely. Why start it? Kids have to learn to go to sleep on their own or where will it end.

I'm so sad to see so many replies suggesting 4 years old is too old to need a parent with them to fall asleep.

My child is 6 and I've always done that. I'll do it as long as he needs it, as my mum did for me (& siblings).

Can I come at this from a different point of view...

My DM never left me to self settle, she always stayed till I fell asleep until the age of 7ish after which time she always came up to bed at the same time as me so I knew she was upstairs.

This has meant that even now in my late 20s I cannot self settle and cannot sleep alone, it has created issues for me!