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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left this situation?

202 replies

Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 19:48

I’ve come to see a friend in Aus.

Left my husband behind with the kids for what was supposed to be a really fab girls trip that we’ve been planning for months.

At the last min, my friend told me another woman would be joining too. Totally fine for me, I get on with pretty much everyone.

I arrived and my friend has one single bed and one blow up single mattress (she just moved in) between the three of us. I had to spend the first night literally spooning with a strange woman in a single bed.

My friend (who I’ve come to visit) has met a man and has spend a lot of the trip locked up in her room with him.

The other woman is really hard work. I’m the most easy going person on the planet but I spent 2 hours in a single bed with her, while she showed me every photo on her phone.

After a night of literally no sleep, I’ve booked a hotel and gone there.

I haven’t even seen my friend to tell her as she’s been hidden away with this man (very noisily too, which was funny at first but in the end was quite gross).

All my belongings are in my friend’s room with her and this man.

I’ve come to this hotel in my pyjamas with nothing but my handbag.

I am the least confrontational person ever and so so easy going (even in this situation I’m not that annoyed, just tired).

I’ve booked the hotel for the rest of the trip. I don’t want to share a single bed with a stranger. I am 42 and I earn great money. I can afford a hotel.

I’m not sure what will happen when my friend finally emerges from her room though. She’s going to be offended, I’m sure. And there’s going to be an awkward conversation.

Am I being fussy/princessy? I am just utterly exhausted.

OP posts:
afrikat · 22/05/2023 11:08

Well done OP, sounds like the rest of your trip should be fun. Hope you enjoy it!

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 22/05/2023 11:49

Exactly - VERY well done OP. An incident happened that would have really upset most people on here (as evidenced by all the posts thinking you needed support) but as you are such a fun and chilled person, it didn't bother you at all.

Hmm
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/05/2023 12:07

Are you going to invite her to stay when she visits the UK? Do you have a shed?

MzHz · 22/05/2023 12:10

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/05/2023 12:07

Are you going to invite her to stay when she visits the UK? Do you have a shed?

ha ha! @Hollibobsmadness I have a patio, i'll put a tarpaulin down and she can sleep on that. I'll see if I can find some rando for her to have to spoon with

IHateLegDay · 22/05/2023 14:05

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/05/2023 12:07

Are you going to invite her to stay when she visits the UK? Do you have a shed?

😂

Glittertwins · 22/05/2023 15:13

Good you can now laugh about it (but never let her live it down 😉)

Clarinet1 · 22/05/2023 16:30

Glad things seem to have resolved now. I think you handled it beautifully. OP.
To those saying OP should be more angry, even if she’d gone for the “Grab you stuff and never speak to friend again” approach, being angry would just be another thing to spoil her trip IYSWIM which would be a shame.

goodbyerye · 22/05/2023 19:19

Your mate sounds utterly bonkers

Great for a party but a shite host.

Enjoy your trip

MarsDestroyerOfWorlds · 22/05/2023 20:11

Good for you for seeing the positives. I hope you have a great holiday.

SquarePegInRoundHole · 22/05/2023 20:23

Love your attitude @Hollibobsmadness Hope the rest of your trip is a blast.

Pootle23 · 22/05/2023 20:57

OMG your friend is a total AH. Who does that! OK she’s got a new man, but to basically ignore friends who have travelled that far is totally unacceptable.

I say make the most of your holiday, but I would bother with the friend.

MadeInYorkshire69 · 22/05/2023 21:30

OMG … this sounds like a crazy chick-lit plot…I would go off and do whatever touristic excursions are available and enjoy your hotel.
The way people behave is quite shocking!
Maybe you can write a book about this OP x

Dilemma19 · 22/05/2023 21:43

Malificent1 · 22/05/2023 08:17

You’re all acting like a bunch of grimy first year students. Sharing a single bed with a stranger, picking up some random in the pub and prioritising that over your friend who has flown half way around the world to see you, being completely indifferent about this like it’s normal or acceptable behaviour. It’s all very, very weird.

I can’t believe 40 year olds would act like this or find it acceptable for others to act like this tbh.

This. I think op is exactly like her friend and that's why she's so 'chilled' about this. No one in their right and mature mind would laugh and giggle over this as if this is ok. Op participated all along and now that it doesn't suit her she has an issue.

KM123456 · 22/05/2023 22:22

Text her you are coming over. Bang on her door and go in and get your stuff and leave. So they are in bed? Their embarrassment, not yours. Get your stuff and take a taxi back to the hotel. Only meet them other places if you want. Find day trips, tours, activities you can sign up for. Look for local hiking clubs, outdoor stuff , not just tourist stuff. If people ask, tell them a brief,humorous recap of events. Most people will be horrified at your "friend's " behavior., and you will.look good--making lemonade from lemons, salvaging your trip, not letting her terrible behavior defeat you.
But also remember: by behaving so badly to her friends to screw this guy, your friend has eliminated any long term.possibility with this guy. How stupid can she be? He is watching how she dumps her friends for a several-night-stand, and if he is a normal guy will file the info away and judge her accordingly. She may be great in bed, but she is not a keeper. For anyone.

Middlenamespot · 22/05/2023 22:24

Dilemma19 · 22/05/2023 21:43

This. I think op is exactly like her friend and that's why she's so 'chilled' about this. No one in their right and mature mind would laugh and giggle over this as if this is ok. Op participated all along and now that it doesn't suit her she has an issue.

Show quote history

Jesus Christ 😂😂😂 I just can’t with the outrage

joycies · 22/05/2023 22:36

Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 19:48

I’ve come to see a friend in Aus.

Left my husband behind with the kids for what was supposed to be a really fab girls trip that we’ve been planning for months.

At the last min, my friend told me another woman would be joining too. Totally fine for me, I get on with pretty much everyone.

I arrived and my friend has one single bed and one blow up single mattress (she just moved in) between the three of us. I had to spend the first night literally spooning with a strange woman in a single bed.

My friend (who I’ve come to visit) has met a man and has spend a lot of the trip locked up in her room with him.

The other woman is really hard work. I’m the most easy going person on the planet but I spent 2 hours in a single bed with her, while she showed me every photo on her phone.

After a night of literally no sleep, I’ve booked a hotel and gone there.

I haven’t even seen my friend to tell her as she’s been hidden away with this man (very noisily too, which was funny at first but in the end was quite gross).

All my belongings are in my friend’s room with her and this man.

I’ve come to this hotel in my pyjamas with nothing but my handbag.

I am the least confrontational person ever and so so easy going (even in this situation I’m not that annoyed, just tired).

I’ve booked the hotel for the rest of the trip. I don’t want to share a single bed with a stranger. I am 42 and I earn great money. I can afford a hotel.

I’m not sure what will happen when my friend finally emerges from her room though. She’s going to be offended, I’m sure. And there’s going to be an awkward conversation.

Am I being fussy/princessy? I am just utterly exhausted.

You are being 150% reasonable except for traipsing around on the street in your PJs. Your friend couldn't have treated you much worse if she was an enemy! Maybe the man was the problem. If there had been a double bed for you to share with her and Mrs No, 3 on the single everything would have been fine. If there had been no No 3 everything would have been (with earplugs) but she has really messed up. Hope you make some NIVER friends in the hotel. Spooning is the pits !

Ketzele · 23/05/2023 00:22

I'm with OP, you don't spend all that money to let some dozy mate ruin your holiday.

Years ago, a friend had a holiday fling in Greece with an Australian guy. He was full of the lyrics, urging her to come to Australia and marry him. On impulse, she decided to fly out the following month and surprise him. Of COURSE he turned out to be married. So she decided not to waste her plane ticket, got herself a job, had a brilliant time and stayed out there a year.

LookItsMeAgain · 23/05/2023 13:26

I did something similar except it was probably the reverse. I wasn't on holiday it was at a work Christmas party and we were staying over in a hotel in a city close to where I actually lived at the time and spouses were invited.
After celebrating (a bit too much) we took to our room and my husband, as soon as his head hit the pillow, started to chainsaw-snore. I couldn't get any sleep so I got dressed, called for a taxi, went home, got about 5 hours sleep and then re-joined the party for breakfast in the hotel!

It's amazing how things look clearer after a good night's sleep!

Good for you @Hollibobsmadness !

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/05/2023 13:55

She still basically ditched you for a shag, and sorry but having noisy sex when long-haul guests are trapped in the next room is lowlife.

Greenshed · 23/05/2023 18:23

You’ve got the makings of a chic lit novel there 😂.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 23/05/2023 18:57

AnnieSaxophone · 21/05/2023 19:51

Omg - this is horrendous and funny all at the same time. Sorry OP but you sound bloody fantastic. If I were you, I would bail and go for a trip of a lifetime around Aus and bail out of that friendship!

This. Do some exploring and see Aus. It's beautiful!

GreenSunfish · 23/05/2023 19:17

I don’t want to be dramatic but I’d rather die than sleep in a single bed with a stranger. Well done for getting out.

Solonge · 23/05/2023 19:50

wow....that is appalling of your friend. Never mind her being put out when she finally emerges. I would be inclined to tell her that you had not planned to share a single bed with a woman you had never met before and not seen her due to her new boyfriend. Just plain rude, bad manners, rude, rude, rude.

sonjadog · 23/05/2023 20:22

Funnily enough, something similar happened to me when I went on holiday in Denver years ago. I also checked into a hotel. It made the holiday a lot more enjoyable actually as it gave me space to relax in comfort after days out with my friend!

DumboLives · 23/05/2023 20:59

In some strange way I can of admire the friend for just being out there & the OP for dealing with it in such a classy way. Not sure what to make of photo woman who invited herself and guess was trying to make the best of it.