To have left this situation?

[Hollibobsmadness]

I’ve come to see a friend in Aus.

Left my husband behind with the kids for what was supposed to be a really fab girls trip that we’ve been planning for months.

At the last min, my friend told me another woman would be joining too. Totally fine for me, I get on with pretty much everyone.

I arrived and my friend has one single bed and one blow up single mattress (she just moved in) between the three of us. I had to spend the first night literally spooning with a strange woman in a single bed.

My friend (who I’ve come to visit) has met a man and has spend a lot of the trip locked up in her room with him.

The other woman is really hard work. I’m the most easy going person on the planet but I spent 2 hours in a single bed with her, while she showed me every photo on her phone.

After a night of literally no sleep, I’ve booked a hotel and gone there.

I haven’t even seen my friend to tell her as she’s been hidden away with this man (very noisily too, which was funny at first but in the end was quite gross).

All my belongings are in my friend’s room with her and this man.

I’ve come to this hotel in my pyjamas with nothing but my handbag.

I am the least confrontational person ever and so so easy going (even in this situation I’m not that annoyed, just tired).

I’ve booked the hotel for the rest of the trip. I don’t want to share a single bed with a stranger. I am 42 and I earn great money. I can afford a hotel.

I’m not sure what will happen when my friend finally emerges from her room though. She’s going to be offended, I’m sure. And there’s going to be an awkward conversation.

Am I being fussy/princessy? I am just utterly exhausted.

Personally I think your friend is a selfish arsehole, and you are way too passive about her treating you like shit. I worry that you maybe accept people treating you like shit all too readily, and you need to value yourself more. Certainly a lot more than your 'friend' values you.

Because it was too late at night by that point!

So where is random shag bloke actually meant to be staying?

Your friend is an arsehole. Who does this? if she dares to criticise you for getting a hotel I agree with PP, give her both barrels.

Theres no way I'd be sharing a single bed with some person I'd never met before- thats absolutely ridiculous and rude AF.

The other woman is really hard work. I’m the most easy going person on the planet but I spent 2 hours in a single bed with her, while she showed me every photo on her phone.

I’m sorry but this made me laugh, what an odd and awkward situation to find yourself in.

What the shit !!??

Few things

You've been planning this trip months. Travelled from across the world. Likely spent thousands. The time and cost makes Aus a "once in a lifetime" type destination for the majority of people who travel there. And your friend thinks it's acceptable to have you slumming it in a single blow up bed in an empty apartment instead of sorting out some proper accommodation for you? You're not a teenager on a backpacking trip. If her apartment was not suitable for guests then she should have either (a) made it suitable by forward planning and pulling her finger out or (b) told you it wasn't really suitable and suggested a reasonable hotel.

Sharing a single bed with a stranger at aged 42 after travelling across the world is ABSURD. Having a guest come to stay for 2 weeks and then not doing ANYTHING to prepare is ABSURD. I make my spare room up and put out fresh towels, buy in some nice things I know my guests enjoy when I've got guests coming to stay for one night and have travelled an hour to get here, never mind come from the other side of the world ! What the hell is wrong with her.

Inviting along another friend without it being part of the plan - weird. Fine to invite her on a few nights out or day trips but having her stay with you.. makes no sense. Who would do that.

Finally, inviting a random man for the entire thing. Absurd and out of order. Does your friend even want you there? Did she want you to come? If so why would she do that? Is she that desperate for male validation that she would shack up with the first man who shows her attention even when she's got her friend visiting from across the world? Absolutely potty.

I'd stay in the nice hotel for the rest of the trip and make it the holiday of your dreams. Don't entertain her unless you enjoy having no self respect, people pleasing and making people believe you have no boundaries.

Did you not knock on her bedroom door at any point for your stuff? If so, why not? I would have been hammering on that door and getting all of my belongings out of that sex dungeon asap.

This whole post is baffling!

What a nightmare. But going forward I think this is very positive - now you can see them and have fun, but have your own space and a good night's rest too

Madness

Yea this is very cool well done on the immediate action OP 😎 I'd ditch the lot of them and plan some once in a lifetime trips out and about in Oz and just indulge yourself and have a great time. I'd cut your losses with this friendship.

I’m sorry, but I’d be gone, maybe arranging some lovely days out alone. Your friend is a horrible cow, I’m appalled that she’s done this when you’ve traveled all this way.

Zen for sure, she's not being passive as she's already IN Oz. Passive would be accepting this BEFORE she flew over. She's there now so has to quickly roll with the punches. Two choices : be a depressed drama llama and have a shit time or make the best of it, and she's making the best of it.😄

Your friend is so rude to you. She’s landed some third wheel on your huge trip to catch up with her, and now she seems to think that third wheel makes it ok to have also shacked up with a stranger and you get to listen to them have sex while talking to annoying third wheel? What effort did she actually go to for your visit? Furniture - no. Time free for you - no.

Your friend is bang out of order and shouldn't expect her visitors to be that understanding - especially after a really long journey/lack of sleep.

I hope you manage to enjoy your holiday regardless. That your friend apologises and that the group dynamic turns out to be a good one.

You're a legend for checking into a hotel in your PJs!

Actually now wondering if the bloke is aa random and she 'just met him'?

I think your attitude has been amazing, and you are right to make the best of it. Your friend has been careless and a bit thoughtless, but sounds like you are able to roll with it. Stay in the hotel, don't fall out with them and have a fun time, safe and secure in the knowledge you have your own room to go back to. Do not, under any circumstances, allow strange phone woman to invite herself over to share...

I'd prefer a nice hotel than buying an airbed and continuing to share this space with an old friend and 2 random strangers if money wasn't an issue.

This definitely has the makings of a wonderful book about it. A summer read it by the beach type book!

Keep going @Hollibobsmadness - I hope you have your luggage back now

You keep saying how easy going you are, but it sounds like you are just a pushover.

Here's a single bed to share - No, I won't be sleeping like this
[shagging with all your stuff in the room with no let up for 16 hours] - knock on the door and say "I need my stuff, can you please pass it to me"

The above would be pretty normal, and not uptight, reactions. Just putting up with it is frankly bizarre. Sharing a single bed with a strange woman at 42 to not cause a fuss/ prove your easy going nature is just insanity to me.

I had similar years ago but at least I was already in the same country (just a pain of a train journey) and she did at least end up marrying the guy but it still smarted big time

You’re all acting like a bunch of grimy first year students. Sharing a single bed with a stranger, picking up some random in the pub and prioritising that over your friend who has flown half way around the world to see you, being completely indifferent about this like it’s normal or acceptable behaviour. It’s all very, very weird.

I can’t believe 40 year olds would act like this or find it acceptable for others to act like this tbh.

I agree with this I’m afraid. I understand your desire to find the positives in this situation but your friend has been a total arsehole to you and your reaction has signalled to her that you will tolerate this.

There’s being zen and there’s being a doormat.

I also agree. As soon as I discovered I'd be sharing a single bed with a stranger I'd have taken my stuff and checked into a hotel.

You can still take action to protect your boundaries in a calm, zen fashion. Its not either screaming about it and taking action OR meekly putting up with something. There is a vast middle ground between those two options. Your friend is treating you like dirt. You dont have to accept it and you can still do that calmly and with a peaceful zen manner.

My God. How exhausting! This sounds like a situation I’d run into at 18 years old, not 40 - you’ve managed it beautifully - well done, OP.

good lord … no, you were never unreasonable.

Yeah actually I'd have to agree with this. How can two adults even fit in a single bed, the whole situation is really disturbing. It's like grimy students or something. Glad you escaped OP, but you shouldn't even be questioning it.

Thanks all for sticking with me!

I got a great nap in the hotel room and felt like a new person after and joined them for an early dinner. Life feels a ton better and I feel completely empowered and having a great time.

To answer some questions before the thread is pretty much done:

They were massively apologetic. I felt the exact opposite of a pushover for standing my ground (yes I did one night in the single bed. There was a lot of alcohol and jetlag that led to just going along with that decision). Keep in mind when I first saw the single bed, I thought I’d be sleeping on the air mattress because new bloke hadn’t appeared at that point.

The new bloke being around didn’t actually bother me (he’s gone home now and we all quite miss his company. He was lovely). The fact I had to listen to them shagging and they took the air mattress and commandeered the room with my stuff in it, was when it became a pain the in arse.

Random woman is another friend from the U.K that I’ve never met. My understanding is that she is wasn’t actually invited and invited herself. I also (in theory) completely didn’t mind this when I originally knew about it. I actually like meeting new people (assuming I don’t have to spoon them!).

and to answer the most asked question…why didn’t I knock on the door to get my stuff…

I already had a phone charger and all my credit cards etc in my handbag. All I wanted to do was get to a hotel and sleep and I wasn’t thinking beyond that (as I knew I’d come back at a better hour to get the rest). My suitcase wasn’t nearly packed and ready to wheel out. My stuff was everywhere. At no point did disturbing in ‘proceedings’ to repack, further delaying my getting to a hotel, seem remotely appealing.

and how am I so chilled? Honestly I feel blessed to have the opportunity to take a trip like that. There was a time I had an awful life with a horrid man (before I met my current DH). We were piss poor and an exciting day out was if we went to the big Tescos. Now my life is very very different and I don’t lose sight of that in these situations.

If I’d have met them for dinner and it had been awkward or they’d been annoyed or anything else, I would not have been chilled. In fact they went over and above to make it up to me, apologise and make sure we had the most brilliant evening. There is no need for it to be anything but a good story at this point. We have lots fun planned for the rest of the trip and apart from one night’s sleep, I’ve really lost nothing. Off out for some drinks now! Thanks again everyone.