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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left this situation?

202 replies

Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 19:48

I’ve come to see a friend in Aus.

Left my husband behind with the kids for what was supposed to be a really fab girls trip that we’ve been planning for months.

At the last min, my friend told me another woman would be joining too. Totally fine for me, I get on with pretty much everyone.

I arrived and my friend has one single bed and one blow up single mattress (she just moved in) between the three of us. I had to spend the first night literally spooning with a strange woman in a single bed.

My friend (who I’ve come to visit) has met a man and has spend a lot of the trip locked up in her room with him.

The other woman is really hard work. I’m the most easy going person on the planet but I spent 2 hours in a single bed with her, while she showed me every photo on her phone.

After a night of literally no sleep, I’ve booked a hotel and gone there.

I haven’t even seen my friend to tell her as she’s been hidden away with this man (very noisily too, which was funny at first but in the end was quite gross).

All my belongings are in my friend’s room with her and this man.

I’ve come to this hotel in my pyjamas with nothing but my handbag.

I am the least confrontational person ever and so so easy going (even in this situation I’m not that annoyed, just tired).

I’ve booked the hotel for the rest of the trip. I don’t want to share a single bed with a stranger. I am 42 and I earn great money. I can afford a hotel.

I’m not sure what will happen when my friend finally emerges from her room though. She’s going to be offended, I’m sure. And there’s going to be an awkward conversation.

Am I being fussy/princessy? I am just utterly exhausted.

OP posts:
Augend23 · 21/05/2023 20:19

Gosh that sounds horrendous. Absolutely stay in a hotel for the whole time. It sounds dire. I hope you can enjoy the trip, but I think you need to have an honest conversation with your friend.

Sparkletastic · 21/05/2023 20:20

Ok here's what I'd say:

'I've moved into a hotel. We've been planning my stay for a long while and I was looking forward to spending time together. You've included another friend which was unexpected and now you've thrown your new lover into the mix. This isn't what I'd hoped my stay would be like. Can you appreciate why I'm disappointed? What can we do to get this back on track?'

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 20:20

I don't like even sharing a room or bathroom tbh.

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 20:20

Sparkletastic · 21/05/2023 20:20

Ok here's what I'd say:

'I've moved into a hotel. We've been planning my stay for a long while and I was looking forward to spending time together. You've included another friend which was unexpected and now you've thrown your new lover into the mix. This isn't what I'd hoped my stay would be like. Can you appreciate why I'm disappointed? What can we do to get this back on track?'

I agree.

Lsquiggles · 21/05/2023 20:21

That's even worse that he's just some random! I'd just say sorry friend I didn't come all this way to listen to you shagging, let me know when you're available for some girl only outings as I came to see you not random bar man

Surely she can just see him of an evening rather than let the fling dominate your entire time together?

CaroleSinger · 21/05/2023 20:21

I have to say I'd probably be re-evaluating this friendship. I think she's being really rude considering the distance you've travelled. This is pretty poor form.

itsmylife7 · 21/05/2023 20:23

Honestly OP I'd wait for a "pause " in the bedroom activity, knock, go in
retrieve case and leave.

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 21/05/2023 20:23

Sparkletastic · 21/05/2023 20:20

Ok here's what I'd say:

'I've moved into a hotel. We've been planning my stay for a long while and I was looking forward to spending time together. You've included another friend which was unexpected and now you've thrown your new lover into the mix. This isn't what I'd hoped my stay would be like. Can you appreciate why I'm disappointed? What can we do to get this back on track?'

Ah come on, she's just got carried away with an exciting new man - OP's got herself a nice hotel, can make the most of the holiday, and take the piss out of her friend for this til the end of her days. No need to get all serious.

Vitriolinsanity · 21/05/2023 20:24

Can Spoon not pack up your gear?

Fucking awesome convo at Reception. You win the Internet today for that alone.

Original poster
Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 20:27

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 20:20

I don't like even sharing a room or bathroom tbh.

Me neither! She had warned me the sleeping arrangement wasn’t perfect but that her and I would be sharing a double bed. I can manage that for a few nights.

Turned out to be me and a stranger in a single!

OP posts:
Vitriolinsanity · 21/05/2023 20:27

@RosettaTheGardenFairy Op has firmed out thousands, flown round the world to end up close contact with a random, listened to sex, checked into a hotel in her pyjamas and can't get her stuff.

Even the eternal optimist has to call time on a shit show.

Sparkletastic · 21/05/2023 20:28

You've forgotten the sharing bed with random woman and this being the OP's long-awaited holiday Rosetta. Don't be afraid of 'serious'. It's never a bad thing to have healthy boundaries around other people's thoughtless behaviour.

FlamingoQueen · 21/05/2023 20:29

I would go and collect your bag. If your friend is in her room then just knock, get your bag and go back to the hotel.
Then, I would go and find a different hotel (further away) and have an awesome holiday on your own.
When I was younger I stayed with a friend who invited another friend to stay even though I didn’t like the other friend. Ended up asking to stay with a family I knew and didn’t see the friend. I hate being made to feel uncomfortable.

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 21/05/2023 20:32

Vitriolinsanity · 21/05/2023 20:27

@RosettaTheGardenFairy Op has firmed out thousands, flown round the world to end up close contact with a random, listened to sex, checked into a hotel in her pyjamas and can't get her stuff.

Even the eternal optimist has to call time on a shit show.

Oh I'm not saying she should be happy about it, I just don't think a serious 'I'm disappointed in you' message is necessary. OP's already sunk a load of money into the trip, make the most of it, get something out of it (away from friend) and then laugh it off with friend when she emerges from the land of lust and realizes she's been an arse. They're obviously close friends, this will be a hell of a story to reminisce over for years to come.

You can be pissed off without be grumpy & boring.

Middlenamespot · 21/05/2023 20:32

jeez what age is your friend, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to sleep in a single bed listening to people shagging all day (university 😂). All I want to know is how is the hotel? Does it feel epic to have escaped?😂

TomatoSandwiches · 21/05/2023 20:33

There must have been signs she was a selfish rude cunt before this op, this type of behaviour doesn't suddenly manifest out of the blue 😳

Am also really impressed with your booking into a hotel with PJs and a handbag btw 😂

Middlenamespot · 21/05/2023 20:34

I also would’ve be too pissed with your friend, keep hanging out and meeting up. Then go back to the comfort of your hotel 🥰 not worth falling out over in my opinion.

Lcb123 · 21/05/2023 20:34

That’s horrific. Given you’re there now, if you can afford it can you make a proper holiday out of it and do some travelling around? I wouldn’t give a 2nd thought to your ‘friend’.

PolkaDotMankini · 21/05/2023 20:36

YANBU at all. I wouldn't have put up with this on my gap year, let alone as a grown woman! I'd be hiring myself a car and doing my own itinerary for the rest of the trip.

EmpressMoo · 21/05/2023 20:37

YANBU but I would just message her now and say you couldn't sleep so you've checked into a hotel in your PJs and make light of it. If you want to have it out with her tomorrow, probably best to do it in person and without her thinking you have gone off in a strop without telling her. She is more likely to see that she is being unreasonable if she hasn't already decided that you are unreasonable...

Original poster
Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 20:40

It’s just occurred to me that the first day I’d arrived, after flying 10000 hours, I went to take a nap and she and the other woman played loud music and chatted outside the door, so I had absolutely no chance. So I do see that there was selfish behaviour brewing even before he came into the picture.

The strange thing is that when we were planning the trip, she was such a keen host that she was worried about whether she’d bought me the right toothbrush!

I’m on my way back now to get my suitcase….

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 21/05/2023 20:40

Wtf!

Def get your stuff ASAP. Tell your friend where you are that you'd like to see her as you've come a long way to visit but you're not sleeping on a single mattress with someone you don't know in a place where she is having sex all ths time with her new man - your too old for that sh1t. Hopefully if she is a friend she'll understand that. I do hope it all works out x

Original poster
Hollibobsmadness · 21/05/2023 20:41

Middlenamespot · 21/05/2023 20:34

I also would’ve be too pissed with your friend, keep hanging out and meeting up. Then go back to the comfort of your hotel 🥰 not worth falling out over in my opinion.

I definitely won’t fall out with her over it. I just want to stand my ground and stay at the hotel where I can get proper sleep though. I don’t even feel angry. I’m just tired.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 21/05/2023 20:43

Oh my god why won't you fall out with her? She's a massive dick for treating you this awfully

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 21/05/2023 20:48

Figgygal · 21/05/2023 20:43

Oh my god why won't you fall out with her? She's a massive dick for treating you this awfully

OP's in her 40s, married with a couple of kids. She's flown a long way to see a friend, who's busy having sex with some random guy. Maybe I'm projecting as I'm also married with a couple of kids, but this is exactly what I'd want from a girls trip! How ridiculously funny!

She can meet up with her friend and chat about this guy and then enjoy her time in the hotel (not the floor!). It's like being a teenager again! Beats the hell out of a middle aged sight-seeing trip; spending all day together talking about kids, and admiring a fucking view.

But as I said, I'm probably projecting massively and am clearly in the minority so I'll bow out.

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