Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has RAN AWAY in foreign country.

412 replies

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 22:33

Away with our DC’s, I appreciate the need for downtime but every night I’ve sat alone in silence whilst he watches films.

Tonight i broached this and said I just felt really flat and lonely after 12 days of this, still 2 to go. He said that it’s proven that men don’t need ‘chat and drama’ hence they can happily live alone for years.

I got quite tearful and said I really wasn’t starting an argument, I just wanted to chat of an evening. He kept on repeating that I can speak to him whenever I like, and I explained it would be nice to feel as if I wasn’t disturbing him and him to initiate conversation.

Then he ran away, it’s 12.32am here he’s gone. It’s really rough weather here tonight too and I’m scared. He hasn’t got a key as the fob for the electric is welded onto the key so I have no idea what to do.

aibu to phone the Greek police?

OP posts:
silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 23:07

OutDamnedSpot · 20/05/2023 23:04

Because an adult has been out of contact for two hours?

Show quote history

Have you read the thread? The location, elements, no phone, fact there's nowhere he can go at this time of night is cause for alarm.

EsmeSusanOgg · 20/05/2023 23:07

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:02

Yes, actual running whilst saying leave me alone.

Give it 30 minutes, then I would call the police. Given timeof day, mood when he ran off, remoteness etc

There is either something wrong, and a wellness check is in order. Or he is being incredibly emotionally abusive. Either way, call it in if he does not return soon and seek serious help when back home.

Ostagazuzulum · 20/05/2023 23:07

It's a very extreme reaction by him. Does he struggle with his MH?

I hope you're ok.

QCKC · 20/05/2023 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SkyandSurf · 20/05/2023 23:07

OP, stop standing on the balcony 'watching over' the area. Stop giving him the satisfaction.

Go to bed. Leave him to it.

Don't bother the police because a grown man got huffy and went for a walk.

Hollyppp · 20/05/2023 23:08

I wouldn’t call the police until it’s been a fair bit longer.

greece is a safe country for him, go to bed and sleep and deal with it in the morning

Tempone · 20/05/2023 23:08

If this is out of character, yes I'd call them for advice. He doesn't sound in a good frame of mind. Try not to worry op, but it's best to err on the side of caution.

gallina · 20/05/2023 23:08

My ex used to do this to me on holiday, so that I'd cause an argument and he could run off to call his secret girlfriend

He's been my ex for 7 years now

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/05/2023 23:08

When you've fallen out in the past and he has done the whole silent treatment thing, how is it usually resolved?

How do your normal evenings at home usually go?

Babymamamama · 20/05/2023 23:08

What resonated with me is you said he sometimes does the silent treatment. Which is a controlling behaviour and a form of emotional abuse. This running out sounds like an escalation of that. He wants to make you uneasy, worried, spoil your evening. He will show up when he gets tired or hungry or whatever. Just get through the last days of your holiday then make plans to LTB when you are back home.

sixthvestibule · 20/05/2023 23:08

I don’t think people projecting their own relationship problems/bad experiences onto the OP’s current situation is very helpful right now.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:09

I honestly just feel sick. I can’t call, my SIM card doesn’t work but I’ve not had to try and call anyone before now.

Im so worried.

OP posts:
QCKC · 20/05/2023 23:10

OP - please try to sleep.

He has made his choice. You need sleep and rest.

Namechange9625 · 20/05/2023 23:11

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:09

I honestly just feel sick. I can’t call, my SIM card doesn’t work but I’ve not had to try and call anyone before now.

Im so worried.

Get online to your mobile provider (mine has an app and I can do this through there) and activate roaming.

Emergency calls are generally free and don't need network connection to call on though. Good luck

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:11

I am trying, I’m just so uneasy.

OP posts:
Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 20/05/2023 23:11

What an unbelievable twat he is. For all of it.

snowlady4 · 20/05/2023 23:11

This is certainly very worrying for you. Sounds quite selfish of him to not consider you'd be worrying.
If possible at all, I would try to go to sleep. Not easy I know. The police won't be interested at this stage. I'd leave the latch on the door if you can and the light on, so he can get in- or key under the pot, whatever is suitable. I'm sure he will be home soon enough. Let us know an try an get some rest, if not actual sleep.

BillyNoM8s · 20/05/2023 23:12

Why doesn't your sim work? You can usually activate roaming?

You know him. What is it more likely to be? Mental breakdown or he's being a prick?

QCKC · 20/05/2023 23:12

Also - this doesn't warrant a call to the police yet.

If he's not back in 24h then yes. But not now.

cryinglaughing · 20/05/2023 23:13

Oh op, I'd be a mix of worried and downright fucking angry that he thought so little of you to put you through that worry.
Obviously if there are some MH issues, then his actions maybe can't be helped.

I hope he turns up soon with a genuine apology.
Not sure I could get past this sort of behaviour though.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:13

This only happened once 11 years ago, he’d smashed beans on toast up the wall and then gone on a planned works meal and apparently got spiked. Turned up the next morning at 7am.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 20/05/2023 23:13

Go to bed, if he comes back he will knock and wake you. If not you still have 2 children to deal with tomorrow so you need some sleep. If he is not back by tomorrow you can go to speak to the local police. They won't do anything until a person has been missing for 24-48 hours. Do you think he is having some of a breakdown? Has he been a bit odd lately?

Namechange9625 · 20/05/2023 23:13

Everyone saying the police won't be interested and leave it 24hrs.

No. If you have concern for a person's welfare - in this case his mood is low, they've have a domestic, they are in a remote location in an unfamiliar country in bad weather - it's absolutely right to call them.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:13

I had completely forgotten about it but I guess this has resurfaced that same sicknening feeling.

OP posts:
bottomsup44 · 20/05/2023 23:13

The posters who are minimising this are dicks. Op is in another country, in the mountains, at night with small children and it's bad weather. Her dh has run off and it sounds like she's pretty cut off communication wise.

I would be very worried and unsettled too. I feel like he's done this to teach you a lesson in some way op, "don't try to question me or I'll create a scary and dramatic scene for you". It won't help now but it's something to think about when he inevitably turns up.