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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has RAN AWAY in foreign country.

412 replies

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 22:33

Away with our DC’s, I appreciate the need for downtime but every night I’ve sat alone in silence whilst he watches films.

Tonight i broached this and said I just felt really flat and lonely after 12 days of this, still 2 to go. He said that it’s proven that men don’t need ‘chat and drama’ hence they can happily live alone for years.

I got quite tearful and said I really wasn’t starting an argument, I just wanted to chat of an evening. He kept on repeating that I can speak to him whenever I like, and I explained it would be nice to feel as if I wasn’t disturbing him and him to initiate conversation.

Then he ran away, it’s 12.32am here he’s gone. It’s really rough weather here tonight too and I’m scared. He hasn’t got a key as the fob for the electric is welded onto the key so I have no idea what to do.

aibu to phone the Greek police?

OP posts:
teabycandlelight · 20/05/2023 22:55

I had one like this. It’s abuse.

he’s obviously got his own issues, but rather than take responsibility for his own issues, he’d rather put it on you. He’s trying to engineer the situation to make it like you’re the unreasonable one for daring to speak to him.

Is it possible he’s cheating? Men like to justify their infidelity by creating tension at home and then blaming it on you.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 22:56

It’s a private villa in the mountains so sadly no hotel services to assist him. It’s also really strong winds, everything’s been flying round this evening. I am really worried and there is nothing I can actually do. As he’s a tradesman and doesn’t need his phone for business purposes he doesn’t have a roaming package so is uncontactable.

OP posts:
Uberstar · 20/05/2023 22:57

Liorae · 20/05/2023 22:47

No, i am just an anti drama llama .

Show quote history

anti drama llama?! 😂😂😂
no. You ARE being dickish

teabycandlelight · 20/05/2023 22:57

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 22:36

I am just so upset. I wasn’t even arguing I was just trying to explain that I was lonely and clearly he’d rather run away then speak to me.

He knows he is treating you badly OP, and he’s angry you’ve called him out in it.

try not to lose your temper with him. That what he wants. Stay rational and calm, but call him out on it.

ModeWeasel · 20/05/2023 22:58

If this is out of character I would be checking he is not depressed/suicidal. Assuming not I would let him stew.

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 22:58

Of course call the police. Why wouldn't you?

unsurefornow · 20/05/2023 22:58

@Temporaryname158a man who gives you the silent treatment is a man who is abusing you

Not necessarily! Please don't apply the word "abuse" so lightly, it's really offensive to people who have been abused. Silent treatment is silent treatment, nothing more and nothing less.

Lockheart · 20/05/2023 22:59

He's probably gone out in a huff and has realised he's gone out without the key and is too proud to knock to be let back in.

If you go outside (with key) can you see him from the doorstep?

Zeonlywayisup · 20/05/2023 23:00

Go to bed. He’s doing some thinking and getting some space. It won’t kill him to be locked out, he’ll just sleep in the garden. Take a shower and get some rest.

CovertImage · 20/05/2023 23:00

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Lockheart · 20/05/2023 23:00

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 22:58

Of course call the police. Why wouldn't you?

A sober compos mentis adult who has gone for a two hour sulk is not a police matter. If he's not back in the morning and is uncontactable then I'd call the police.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:01

I’m stood on the balcony watching over the area but no visible sign of him.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 20/05/2023 23:01

Is he like this when you're at home?

Blarn · 20/05/2023 23:02

When you say ran away do you mean it literally? He literally ran away while telling you to leave him alone? If so I would be worried too, that is different to stomping off in a huff.

I remember years ago on holiday what was a niggling low mood quickly became depression. I was on holiday in a lovely place but didn't feel any happier. That realisation made me awful and I couldn't wait to get home, I just felt trapped.

Original poster
Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:02

Yes, actual running whilst saying leave me alone.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 20/05/2023 23:03

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 23:01

I’m stood on the balcony watching over the area but no visible sign of him.

Have you checked the sunbeds by the pool, if you have those, or the hire car? If it's warm it's not impossible he's sleeping there.

Jellifulfruit · 20/05/2023 23:03

❤️❤️

blueshoes · 20/05/2023 23:03

Is this the first time he has walked out on you when you broach the issue? Even if he did not go out, did he ever stand up and go to another part of the room or leave the room?

Do you think he might be having an affair?

Do you think he might be suicidal or depressed?

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 23:03

Lockheart · 20/05/2023 23:00

A sober compos mentis adult who has gone for a two hour sulk is not a police matter. If he's not back in the morning and is uncontactable then I'd call the police.

Show quote history

Doesn't sound compos mentis to disappear in the mountains in a foreign country at midnight with no where else to go.

Maybe he's depressed/suicidal and been bottling these feelings up for a while? OP if you love your husband, which you clearly do, prioritise his wellbeing and make sure he's safe.

BethDuttonsTwin · 20/05/2023 23:04

Saltandsauce · 20/05/2023 22:35

He’s a grown man.
catch ur flight in 2 days and LTB when u get home.

This.

I have dealt with this kind of pathetic drama on holiday from my ex H. I should have dumped him forever at that point but sadly I allowed it to stagger on for several more years.

3luckystars · 20/05/2023 23:04

So he has no working phone for the entire holiday?

OutDamnedSpot · 20/05/2023 23:04

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 22:58

Of course call the police. Why wouldn't you?

Because an adult has been out of contact for two hours?

Namechange9625 · 20/05/2023 23:04

I would call them going by your latest post about your location, weather and his lack of phone.

Then leave him when you get back to the UK. You should never feel afraid of telling the person you love how you feel

TwoBlueFish · 20/05/2023 23:04

Has anything being worrying him? Money? Job? Gambling? Health? If he would usually chat to you at home then he sounds withdrawn and maybe has something on his mind.

How has he been in general in the holiday?

CurlewKate · 20/05/2023 23:05

Why is it dangerous for him to be out? Is he vulnerable in some way?