To be annoyed at paying £200 for 40th "surprise" birthday party but not be invited to the "real" party?

[stanfordpuma]

We are a married couple and we have friends, “Eva and Matt”. We invite them to our house frequently and are super-hospitable to them in our home. They have a close circle of friends who live near to them and we know they do a lot of entertaining/socialising without us (obviously fine, we’re all grownups).
Matt recently invited us to Eva’s 40th birthday where we were asked to turn up at a prestigious venue for the “surprise” party and pay £100 each to be part of the party. We were very happy to do this, showed up early for the “surprise”, paid our £200 for the party, brought a present and wished her well.
The party at the venue was at a slightly weird time- 4pm to 8pm on a Saturday- but we didn’t think much of this. We got a babysitter for our kids (he said “no kids”) and showed up to celebrate with her.
Towards the end of the party (as we thought) we were looking for Matt to say goodbye and Eva told us that he had left. We thought this was a bit odd and wondered if they had had an argument. However my husband called Matt and he was on his way home to their house to prepare for the “after party” to which we were clearly not invited.
So- Matt invited us to his wife’s surprise party- for which we paid £200 and couldn’t refuse “because it’s her important birthday”- but didn’t invite us to the “real” party which was clearly taking place from 8pm onwards at their house.
Am I over-reacting to be annoyed that we just got invited to “fill up the numbers” for the surprise in the fancy venue, but weren’t asked to be there at their house? I understand that they’d prefer to have the “after party” with their “real” friends, but it stings a bit that we were only invited to make up the numbers (and the money) at a prestigious venue.

I’d be pissed off.

That’s incredibly rude on their part. I’d be tempted to say something

So your husband called Matt and he said he’d gone home to prepare for the after party?

would that not indicate it’s a general “everyone back to ours” thing?

otherwise why would he even mention it.

Are you sure the evening do was not just family. Did Matt say it was just for close friends? Frankly I would not have forked out all that money in the first place - if you invite someone to a party you do not expect them to pay!!

£200 to attend the party is CF enough.

It’s also really cheeky to ask for £100 a head. In fact, I’ve never heard anything like it!

Matt ( the fucker ) probably funded the after party with the £200 he conned you and some other out of.
What a pair of Arseholes.

Need more info - who was at this 'after-party'. If you weren't invited why was Matt happy to tell you that instead of making up some other excuse?
Seems a bit odd

Unfortunately not- it was very clear that we were NOT invited back to theirs for the "real" birthday party.
I should add that we wouldn't have gone back to theirs anyway- we live quite a bit away from them and needed to get home to let the babysitter go, etc. But surely a simple, for-form's sake: "you're very welcome to come to ours for a glass of wine" (as we ALWAYS say to them in similar circumstances, and they do come back to ours, and Matt drinks all our Guinness, meow) would be nice.

Drinks and nibbles for four hours and £100 each

Bargain

Gosh that’s awful

Are they super hospitable to you too? Do they ever have you over for dinner?

Husband called Matt and he was a bit cagey- it was only by talking to other people that we realised he'd gone home to prepare for the after party.

Had you been invited to the after party then surely Matt would have said something like, "see you here in a bit," when your husband phoned him after you left the surprise £200 🙄 party. Or Eva would have mentioned it as you were both leaving (assuming that wasn't a second surprise party for her). They didn't, so clearly you weren't invited which is really mean of both of them.

Have you had any contact with them since?

Once or twice. Our kids are in sports together so that makes it awkward. Don't want to make a scene.

I would massively distance myself from them.

Ask for a partial refund

I’d make a bloody scene. That’s outrageous behaviour.
they’re not your friends.

I'd imagine that the private after party was probably where the coke was coming out

Anyone that charges people £100 for finger food is so obviously such a CF, I wouldn't have been surprised if they asked you to taxi everyone else to their house for the party you weren't invited to.

I'd have gone and knocked on their door when the party was in full swing.

Actually, I would have gone home and cried, but I wish I would have the guts to turn up at the house and say with a smile "thanks so much for the invite, of course we wouldn't miss this for the world" and just watch as they try and figure out who let the cat out of the bag.

Matt and he was on his way home to their house to prepare for the “after party”

Sure this wasn't a euphemism for a sex thing? Special birthday so hubs pops home to put the good duvet cover on and turn big light off, maybe even light that Yankee candle that's been sat in the window sill since last Christmas?

I wish I were brave enough to say I'd do 1 - turn up sloshed at their party ! Waheeeey

So just a normal party buffet? No-one charges friends to attend a party.

Oh my! Yes maybe! With some random people invited to join the after party.