AIBU to be confused and hurt over no invite

[YouShouldBeDancingYeah]

I have been friends with a group of women since my teens. We generally stay in touch via social media / WhatsApp and meet a few times a year locally.
We are all approaching (or are over!) a big birthday this year. I opened FB this morning to find a post from one of the group thanking “all her friends for the best birthday party ever” and loads of photos of them all in her garden celebrating. Obvs I didn’t get the memo…or an invite!
Ive spoken to a few of them over the last few weeks and obviously not one of them mentioned it. Even stranger, I’m due to meet birthday girl for lunch this week and prior to today she’s been behaving completely normally.

The adult in me really just wants to forget it and focus on people in my life who actually want me there. But the inner 13 year old in my head is raging and crying over this and this apparent rejection! And I’m going over and over in my head about what I could have possibly done to be snubbed like that.

So WWYD?

1. Forget, block and move on
2. Meet birthday girl for lunch as planned and say nothing?
3. Meet birthday girl and find out how your invite got so lost in the post…

Thank you!

Thank you!! I’m going to have to do this. Sorry you’ve been through it, it’s a horrible feeling isn’t it?

Perfect.

I'd definitely have to ask prior to meeting up. I wouldn't be able to wait!

This basically!

My friends came all day to both of my kids weddings. When her son got married, we weren't invited so I messaged her saying "thanks for the invitation". She replied saying she was sorry but they already had the full capacity at the venue. Obviously the friendship wasn't as important to them as it was to us.

Me too. I couldn't play it cool either in person, my emotions just show all over my face !

Yes I'd do this too. I couldn't wait til the lunch!

Agree 3. It's very reasonable to want to know why you were not invited. Let us know how it goes!

I would ask OP!

I would pull back and move on. For some reason she didn’t want you there. If it were me, I wouldn’t care what the reason is. I would just know I wasn’t wanted there and I’d move my focus elsewhere. That’s me though. You should do what will make you feel best. Just be prepared to not like what you hear if you do ask for an explanation.

Definitely 3

No matter how old you get, this always hurts. I could never directly exclude someone.

Still friends? How could you not have said anything..?

I wouldn't do any of those options - I'd have to find out first and then decide whether to bother with lunch because if I'm not a good enough friend to be invited to a party for a significant birthday then I'm not up for one on one meetings.

All of the people saying maybe it was a surprise party - if it was a surprise then the other friends would surely have mentioned it when speaking to the OP over the last few weeks. Also the OP has been friends with the person since their teens so not a new friend who could be missed off a guest list. It's nice to think it's an accident or an oversight but sadly it is more likely to be a deliberate snub.

I so want to be able to be like this!! I should really be concentrating on people who want me in their lives not looking back at stuff like this which reminds me of being at school!!!

I absolutely wouldn't say this. If there's been an error, you're making out sound like this was deliberate on her part, and that will damage the friendship

Much better is finishing along the lines of this suggestion
message her and say “still on for xxxx catch up? I didn’t realise you’d had a party.”

If it was a surprise party and they forgot you, wouldn’t your friend already have told you how sorry she is for you not being invited though..

Were partners there too? One of my dear friends has been known to exclude me in the past and only include people who the partner gets on well with her husband if it’s an event with partners. It can hurt as there is nothing wrong with my husband! he’s just not a man’s man type who plays sport with her husband.

If they’re good friends can’t you just put “oi, where the bloody hell was my invite?!” in the group chat. Or at least ask one of the others. In no circumstances would I be able to say nothing!

#2. For all you know it was a surprise party organized by someone else.

You have to ask - it’s win win. If there was a mix up and your invitation was list you will feel happier.
If she doesn’t care about you then you won’t waste time on a person who is a frenemy.

If it's a deliberate omission on her part (which it may not be), I'd be wondering why she wanted to meet for lunch one to one, since it's a lot more intimate and involves a lot more interaction with you than being at a party would. Unless there someone in your friend group who actively dislikes you and asked that you weren't invited - which seems very childish.

Yes I'd want to know before meeting for lunch. I'd hate to have to confront her in person and then get an answer that was very hurtful. I'd rather deal with that on my own. So I think I'd message her beforehand, difficult though I'd find it.

It's a horrid situation- hope there is an innocent explanation.

Surely that wasn't your friend's decision to make?

No, it certainly wasn’t..

I agree with paperlate, don't meet her for lunch and tell her why. There's nothing really that she could say that would make this ok.

To do 3 would just make her flounder and scrabble for excuses. You're better than that and if you push, you still won't find out the reason most likely.

If you don't meet her and tell her why then you have closed the door from your side. If your friendship is truly important to her then she will have to come back to you with a tremendously valid reason/abject apologies and then you'd have a decision to make. Or she won't... but at least you will be the one walking away and not getting hurt any further.

If you decide to do 3, maybe don't report back here... that's what so many are hoping for. Vicarious pain.