AIBU to be confused and hurt over no invite

[YouShouldBeDancingYeah]

I have been friends with a group of women since my teens. We generally stay in touch via social media / WhatsApp and meet a few times a year locally.
We are all approaching (or are over!) a big birthday this year. I opened FB this morning to find a post from one of the group thanking “all her friends for the best birthday party ever” and loads of photos of them all in her garden celebrating. Obvs I didn’t get the memo…or an invite!
Ive spoken to a few of them over the last few weeks and obviously not one of them mentioned it. Even stranger, I’m due to meet birthday girl for lunch this week and prior to today she’s been behaving completely normally.

The adult in me really just wants to forget it and focus on people in my life who actually want me there. But the inner 13 year old in my head is raging and crying over this and this apparent rejection! And I’m going over and over in my head about what I could have possibly done to be snubbed like that.

So WWYD?

1. Forget, block and move on
2. Meet birthday girl for lunch as planned and say nothing?
3. Meet birthday girl and find out how your invite got so lost in the post…

Thank you!

I'd want to know why.

Did you ever ask them why

I would be fuming!! That’s a horrible thing to do to anyone I would ask her over the phone I wouldn’t be able to wait till lunch

No. There's no reason that would make it ok to do that when for years we had celebrated everything as a group (or as a group and with others). I wasn't interested in their excuses.

I would have to ask before I met up with her as I couldn’t sit there and be fake with someone I’m angry with

so hurtful though I hate stuff like this and I see it so often on here it’s awful!

let us know what she says ….good luck !

This thread kind of illustrates the different outlooks and approaches people have. In this situation I would not dream of asking the other person why I wasn’t invited. I’d be a bit pissed off sure, but I would never ask them. Not because I’m ‘sulking’ but because in the end it really doesn’t matter to me that much. Someone doesn’t want me in their life? Their loss, not mine. I’ve better things to be doing and I get on and do them. I get that for some people this would hurt a lot - I do. But the people thinking ‘you must ask it’s weird not to’ make about as much sense to me as I probably make to them!

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted

Similar thing happened to me too. It was a surprise party, but organised by someone who I thought was a good friend too. They (after and on the day of the event) told the birthday girl and another good friend of mine there wasn’t enough room for me to go too. Bollocks - it was a walk in the countryside and an evening at the pub. I think she just forgot about me (the person arranging the surprise has form for this).
I’m glad I asked, as finding out it wasn’t the birthday girl has made things much easier as I see her most weeks.
So basically ask! It will eat you up otherwise and at least by knowing you can decide what effort you can be bothered putting into which friendships. I was initially really hurt, but I’m ok now and have adjusted expectations accordingly.

Its a 3 from me

3 absolutely definitely, that’s bang out of order for such a long friendship. Then depending on her answer maybe 1.

Hard to not take personally when everyone has been invited except you id say

Similar happened to me. Person I thought I was besties with had a huge party and didn’t invite me. She did however invite a few people she hardly knew because they were rich and she wanted to be friends with them.

It made me realise that I actually didn’t like the person much. If she could do this to anyone then she wasn’t someone I wanted to be friends with.

OP I think we are all dying for ab update.

I think I would literally have to just ask outright. I'd probably text something like this 'Hi (name), I just wanted to check that you are still wanting to meet up on (x date). I just wanted to check that I've not done anything to upset you, as I was a bit surprised that I wasn't invited to your birthday party the other day.'

Any update op?

I think I would find it hard to be cordial to birthday girl, just ask!

Has there been any updates yet? I'm very invested in this 😆

@KezzabellaB I came to say the same thing!

What was the outcome OP?

Any update OP?

Have you spoken to her yet?

Yes…sorry it’s taken me a long time to update. Was a surprise party with two days notice for invitees. Sister did invites via FB…I’m not FB friends with her sister! No animosity we were just never friends. The friend said she was genuinely confused at some of the guests her sister had invited and knew there were others she’d wanted to be there that weren’t. Group have been in touch they only realised I wasn’t there on the day and thought I couldn’t make it due to last minute invites and the obvious last minute ness of it all. There has been no awkwardness or weirdness I think it was a genuine oversight. Am going to put it behind me. Thanks for all your kind messages I was genuinely very upset.

Glad to hear there was an innocent explanation. That must be a massive relief.

That’s really good to hear. A happy ending for once!

Thank You for the update!