AIBU to be confused and hurt over no invite

[YouShouldBeDancingYeah]

I have been friends with a group of women since my teens. We generally stay in touch via social media / WhatsApp and meet a few times a year locally.
We are all approaching (or are over!) a big birthday this year. I opened FB this morning to find a post from one of the group thanking “all her friends for the best birthday party ever” and loads of photos of them all in her garden celebrating. Obvs I didn’t get the memo…or an invite!
Ive spoken to a few of them over the last few weeks and obviously not one of them mentioned it. Even stranger, I’m due to meet birthday girl for lunch this week and prior to today she’s been behaving completely normally.

The adult in me really just wants to forget it and focus on people in my life who actually want me there. But the inner 13 year old in my head is raging and crying over this and this apparent rejection! And I’m going over and over in my head about what I could have possibly done to be snubbed like that.

So WWYD?

1. Forget, block and move on
2. Meet birthday girl for lunch as planned and say nothing?
3. Meet birthday girl and find out how your invite got so lost in the post…

Thank you!

3
but I’d be tempted to comment “oh wow looks amazing!” Or message her and say “still on for xxxx catch up? I didn’t realise you’d had a party.”

Meet her for lunch, I would act normally.. have dessert....not missing dessert for anybody/anything.. then 'the party went well then?' ... smile, raise eyebrows...
You will know by her reaction..

Are you the only one who wasn’t there? Crazy it was on social media too.

3

From our particular friendship group yes, I was the only one not there. I’m honestly thinking if it was truly malicious then she’d have blocked me seeing the SM post. Which just makes the whole thing so odd!

Will you pls update us? I'd be inclined to ring to confirm and say "lovely birthday photos, who organised the party?" And see what she says. If andwr isn't adequate or reaction cagey I'd ring back or message a few days later or the day before rhe lunch and cancel. The I'd fck off the group of fake friends and move on.

Are you absolutely certain you didn't somehow miss a message in the group chat? It's the kind of thing I would do!

1. I would be incredibly hurt by this.

If it was a surprise party then surely the other girls in your friendship group would have made sure you were included. It seems bizarre that they would have left you out.
Have you had a bit of a fall out with any of them???
YANBU
I would be pretty gutted and feel so sad about it. I defo would choose option 3

1. I'd be very hurt too

It sounds like there was some genuine misunderstanding. I hope you get some closure.

I'd be really hurt too. You'd need the hide of a rhino not to be. Although it's so rude, I can't help feeling there's been a hitch or an oversight somewhere.
But it would be 3. The most expensive thing on the menu, two desserts, champagne cocktails and her paying for the lot.

Did you ask her what she was doing for her big birthday beforehand?

Frankly I would be really disappointed if I was the only person not to be invited. There really is not justification for doing that and I would simply reevaluate the friendship.

She will probably come up with some vague explanation when you ask and the whole thing just shows you that she does not really value you as a friend.

This is what I can’t work out! I definitely haven’t fallen out with anyone, and if it was organised by someone else I don’t know why another of my friends wouldn’t have mentioned it. It’s just sooo odd 😞

I wouldn’t do any of those options. I would want to know, but I would want to know before I go to the lunch.

If your lack of invitation was just an oversight surely she or one of the others would have got in touch by now and said sorry - we missed you, wish you'd been here.

I wouldn't meet her for lunch.
Fuck 'em

She said she was spending it with her family. No reason not to believe her.

DH once arranged a surprise party for me. Luckily he ran the list past my sister, who spotted several glaring omissions. Could it be that kind of thing?

Hopefully that makes it more likely that someone else organised it

Went to a big (surprise) party for a v good friend of mine, I didn’t think to check who else was invited. A few weeks later my friend commented that as her husband had done the invites the invite group was a bit weird and he’d missed some people she’d have wanted there, invited some she wouldn’t, invited some who definitely should not be at the same event as others if alcohol involved due to likelihood of fights etc, he’d tried really hard and did great broadly, but just missed a few/ made some odd decisions! Maybe something like that happened?

I'd message to say "looks like you had a nice birthday party. Are we still on for lunch on xx?"

Good luck! Be brave and ask?

I once asked a really good friend what she did for her 30th and she said “on just an early night” but Facebook gave her away as she had a proper party and I wasn’t invited. Definitely hurt my feelings a lot! I was not brave but should have said that I knew about it

I agree I'd want to know before meeting up for lunch.

I'd message birthday girl or one of your other friends and just ask them.