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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge these parents

212 replies

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:36

Currently on holiday abroad.
I've noticed a family here, kids are I'd say - one is around 20 months and the other about 4, if not younger. Mum looks around 7months pregnant.
Our room overlooks kids club where there is a park and soft play and other activities. The sign on kids club says it's open 9:30-12:30 then 14:00-17:30. Now this couple drop their kids off there after breakfast not long after it's opened, they must get them for the lunch break but then they drop them back off as we've seen them collecting them around 16:00ish.
In the meantime, the parents sunbath at the pool all day.
Aibu to think this is just shit!? Why book a family holiday if you're just gonna pack them off to kids club for strangers to look after your kids pretty much all day in another country?!

Today I took my DC in there to use the park for an hour whilst I remained there and I noticed the 1 child sat on the swing looking really sad, just sat there with nobody pushing the swing and their shoes were on the wrong feet, clothes dirty from where they'd been running about/colouring in, just sat there with the tabard on showing that they're there without parents and was looking so sad and down. My heart broke when I saw that child, the younger sibling was being carried about by the staff. I went over and said hello and asked name and offered to push the swing whilst I pushed my DC. Their little face lit up just to have someone talking to them for a short while.
I just don't understand how some can do this, I couldn't ? I get maybe some need an hour or so peace here and there especially if they're live wires - and maybe some kids like it and ask to go...but for hours everyday?? I've seen those kids round the pool once all holiday, and that was late in the day, around 16:30 for an hour. Apart from that never seen them round the pool since. Poor kids.
Aibu to disagree with this holiday parenting?

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 20/05/2023 10:23

Hotpinkangel19 · 20/05/2023 10:19

It's sad. I don't understand parents who have children but don't want to spend time with them.

Because maybe some parents realise that kids just want to be kids and not spend all of their time with their mum and dad. It’s their holiday too and sounds quite selfish for parents to insist that they spend every minute with them

Fair enough if the kids want to do family time all day every day but to not give them the option if it’s available makes it sound like it’s all about the parents choice

Twonewcats · 20/05/2023 10:25

Superdupes · 20/05/2023 08:36

Based on my experience of mums I know that do an awful lot with their kids, they're not the sort to shove them in a kids club when they go on holiday. Does anyone actually know any parents that do loads with their kids at home and then put them in a holiday club all day every day while they sun bathe on holiday?

How do you know there's any "shoving" going on? Is it so alien to you to think that kids might WANT to go to a kids club?

TheMoops · 20/05/2023 10:26

Superdupes · 20/05/2023 08:36

Based on my experience of mums I know that do an awful lot with their kids, they're not the sort to shove them in a kids club when they go on holiday. Does anyone actually know any parents that do loads with their kids at home and then put them in a holiday club all day every day while they sun bathe on holiday?

Me🙋🏼‍♀️
Although we don't put him in all day but he goes to one session a day so that we have a couple of hours to relax without constantly being on alert. Plus it's a couple of hours out of the sun for DS doing activities with kids his own age.

FrodisCapering · 20/05/2023 10:27

It is absolutely none of your business. If the child is looking "sad" sat on the swing then maybe the provision isn't great and the parents need to take it up with the management.

If the poor woman has two small kids and is heavily pregnant she deserves all the rest she can get in my opinion. Some people have no outside help at home, zero. This holiday might be the only time they get as a couple.

Concentrate on your own holiday and less on what others are doing!

Rubyupbeat · 20/05/2023 10:27

No worse than leaving your baby or child at a child minders or nursery all day if you don't need to.

TheMoops · 20/05/2023 10:28

Because maybe some parents realise that kids just want to be kids and not spend all of their time with their mum and dad. It’s their holiday too and sounds quite selfish for parents to insist that they spend every minute with them
Exactly. Last year DS spent ages looking at the kids club programme planning which sessions he wanted to go to. It's an exciting party of his holiday.
*

123wdcd · 20/05/2023 10:28

I used to think absolutely no way. My DC loves them. Would in no way do it all the time, but they really want an hour or so most days. The other extreme is kids with the parents but not doing child friendly activities.

Original poster
BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 20/05/2023 10:36

I appreciate everyone's opinions and fully understand there could be more to it. I am not against kids club I just think these were far too young to be in there IMO. The younger one, still in nappies was being carried about and passed between staff.
And it's very hot here. The staff aren't going to reapply their Sun cream and the kids aren't old enough to say they're too hot or not feeling well or ask for a drink.
I've been away with in laws who have put their boys in kids club and the kids have been quite happy to go in but they were 6 and 9 I think that's fine 🤷‍♀️
Lots of different opinions on here though, fair enough. Just my opinion was that I didn't agree with it and I felt sorry for the kids.
And I haven't been spending hours and days on end stalking 🤣 just spotted them being dropped off and picked up at times when we were going for breakfast, on our balcony or round the pool where the parents were sunbathing. I have spotted the mum drinking wine too, but then again that may also be accepted and fine for some people on here, and that would be a whole other thread anyway

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 20/05/2023 10:37

Yabu

Pooterlie · 20/05/2023 10:38

@Ponoka7

The dad worked FT.

She wasn't struggling at all. We would coincide in our gardens multiple times a day and have lovely chats about life. She just wanted to minimise the parenting bit of her life.

I can relate to needing your own time, I just think you put your kids first, where you can.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/05/2023 10:45

BumpyaDaisyevna · Yesterday 22:55
Poor woman is heavily pregnant with 20 mth old and 4 year old.

Perhaps this is their first holiday in a while after bereavement redundancy mental health stress - who knows.

If you have plenty of energy and internal resources to be a lovely lively engaging mum for your kids on holiday that's great - brilliant for you and your family.

But don't judge for there may come a time when you are at the end of your tether with nothing left to give.”

This. Not something we ever did but we didn’t feel the need. Perhaps the alternative was leaving the children with family and going alone for a break. Suspect the children would be less happy with that.

Toottooot · 20/05/2023 10:47

Wooptie fucking ping - here’s your medal super-ma for spending every minute with your geets.

HollyFern1110 · 20/05/2023 10:50

WellitsNotideal · 19/05/2023 21:44

OP you say the mum is heavily pregnant too ? She may have just gone on maternity leave and now having a holiday and really need a rest. It’s not like they’ve left their kids alone and gone for tapas ! They’ve left them responsibly in the kids club

That's pretty much what I was going to say.

They need a break on holiday. They've used the kids club not left them alone.

EatYourVegetables · 20/05/2023 10:56
Biscuit
lifeturnsonadime · 20/05/2023 10:56

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:36

Currently on holiday abroad.
I've noticed a family here, kids are I'd say - one is around 20 months and the other about 4, if not younger. Mum looks around 7months pregnant.
Our room overlooks kids club where there is a park and soft play and other activities. The sign on kids club says it's open 9:30-12:30 then 14:00-17:30. Now this couple drop their kids off there after breakfast not long after it's opened, they must get them for the lunch break but then they drop them back off as we've seen them collecting them around 16:00ish.
In the meantime, the parents sunbath at the pool all day.
Aibu to think this is just shit!? Why book a family holiday if you're just gonna pack them off to kids club for strangers to look after your kids pretty much all day in another country?!

Today I took my DC in there to use the park for an hour whilst I remained there and I noticed the 1 child sat on the swing looking really sad, just sat there with nobody pushing the swing and their shoes were on the wrong feet, clothes dirty from where they'd been running about/colouring in, just sat there with the tabard on showing that they're there without parents and was looking so sad and down. My heart broke when I saw that child, the younger sibling was being carried about by the staff. I went over and said hello and asked name and offered to push the swing whilst I pushed my DC. Their little face lit up just to have someone talking to them for a short while.
I just don't understand how some can do this, I couldn't ? I get maybe some need an hour or so peace here and there especially if they're live wires - and maybe some kids like it and ask to go...but for hours everyday?? I've seen those kids round the pool once all holiday, and that was late in the day, around 16:30 for an hour. Apart from that never seen them round the pool since. Poor kids.
Aibu to disagree with this holiday parenting?

Perhaps the kids prefer it there rather than sitting by the pool all day?

The kids are safe, why shouldn't parents relax on holiday?

itsmylife7 · 20/05/2023 10:56

have spotted the mum drinking wine too.

Omg I can't believe you've made this comment too. So the mum had some wine and puts her children in holiday club. 🙄

itsmylife7 · 20/05/2023 10:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ILoveMyCaravan · 20/05/2023 11:05

The children are being looked after in presumably a safe place. It could be a LOT worse! At least the parents haven't left them on their own!

TheMoops · 20/05/2023 11:09

I have spotted the mum drinking wine too,

You really aren't coming off well here OP.

Skinnermarink · 20/05/2023 11:10

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

No you’ve lost me now OP. She can drink a fucking glass of wine for Christ sake. Yes, even though she’s (apparently) pregnant.

Throughalookingglass · 20/05/2023 11:13

Thinking more about this, the sort of holidays where adults sit sunbathing all day are incredibly boring for children. If the parents aren’t going to go to the beach, go sight seeing or do sports activities together, then kids club is a far better alternative to just doing NOTHING.

I can’t fathom why these holidays are marketed as ‘family’ holidays. Sitting on a lounger for ten days is dull as dishwasher for so many adults. It must be torture for children.

bladebladebla1 · 20/05/2023 11:16

I'm using a kids club on my next holiday. Just for 2 hours a day for peace and quiet. Everyone knows holidays with kids are not relaxing and that's a lovely treat for us as we don't get that luxury of alone time at home. I don't really care what people think about it either. I realise you're saying it's because they leave them all day so maybe you wouldn't judge me for a couple of hours but just in case... I ain't bothered 😂

Buddercud · 20/05/2023 11:19

YABVU for judging because you have absolutely no clue about their lives or circumstances.

I never used kids clubs etc but would never judge someone who did.

bladebladebla1 · 20/05/2023 11:20

Drinking wine? Oh my god, whatever next

spottysnail · 20/05/2023 11:40

I wouldn't put them in all day either OP. However I don't see how it's much different to having them in nursery all day every day at home, which many people seem to do!

I can definitely understand them wanting to use the kids club some of the time though. Being 7 months pregnant running around after a 20 month old and a 4 year old must be exhausting. Especially in a hot country.