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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge these parents

212 replies

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:36

Currently on holiday abroad.
I've noticed a family here, kids are I'd say - one is around 20 months and the other about 4, if not younger. Mum looks around 7months pregnant.
Our room overlooks kids club where there is a park and soft play and other activities. The sign on kids club says it's open 9:30-12:30 then 14:00-17:30. Now this couple drop their kids off there after breakfast not long after it's opened, they must get them for the lunch break but then they drop them back off as we've seen them collecting them around 16:00ish.
In the meantime, the parents sunbath at the pool all day.
Aibu to think this is just shit!? Why book a family holiday if you're just gonna pack them off to kids club for strangers to look after your kids pretty much all day in another country?!

Today I took my DC in there to use the park for an hour whilst I remained there and I noticed the 1 child sat on the swing looking really sad, just sat there with nobody pushing the swing and their shoes were on the wrong feet, clothes dirty from where they'd been running about/colouring in, just sat there with the tabard on showing that they're there without parents and was looking so sad and down. My heart broke when I saw that child, the younger sibling was being carried about by the staff. I went over and said hello and asked name and offered to push the swing whilst I pushed my DC. Their little face lit up just to have someone talking to them for a short while.
I just don't understand how some can do this, I couldn't ? I get maybe some need an hour or so peace here and there especially if they're live wires - and maybe some kids like it and ask to go...but for hours everyday?? I've seen those kids round the pool once all holiday, and that was late in the day, around 16:30 for an hour. Apart from that never seen them round the pool since. Poor kids.
Aibu to disagree with this holiday parenting?

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 20/05/2023 01:46

You have no idea what stress/illness/bereavement/mental health issues this family have gone through. Maybe they just need a break

Exactly.

I am focusing on my own family. We've had an amazing time, done lots as a family it's been great.

Makes you sound rather smug OP.

The kind of person I would avoid at home. Cos they'll probably gossip.....

Womencanlift · 20/05/2023 01:50

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 20/05/2023 01:45

Maybe their parents do spend loads of time with them.
Maybe they are there after school every day, every weekend doing lots of activities together all the time.
Maybe they home school.
There are lots of maybes
Which is why it’s wrong to judge other peoples choices.

Show quote history

Exactly! Interesting that all these posts indicate what the posters want to do and not necessarily what their kids want.

They may want to just run around with a bunch of other kids rather than just sit at the pool with their mum and dad all day or go out on excursions that they have no interest in

Nobody knows what is going on in other families. The only type of parents I will judge are the ones that leave their kids to sleep in their room themselves while they go and have tapas out of sight with their friends. But we are not allowed to judge parents like that are we 🤷‍♀️

MrsMikeDrop · 20/05/2023 01:55

For all you know she may be a SAHM and this is literally her only chance for a break. She might spend alot more time with her kids than you do, maybe best not to judge

Groutyonehereagain · 20/05/2023 01:55

I know everyone is different but I loved having holidays with my children. We did everything together as a family. We swam in the sea, played frisbee, tennis, football, cricket, I loved it and I have so many happy memories.

JudgeRudy · 20/05/2023 02:09

We all judge at some level even if we think we don't, but posting on MNs indicates this wasn't a casual critique. Your question 'Why book a family holiday if...?' Well, it's quite probable that they weren't in a position to take a holiday without the kids. This was the one and only holiday they'd get and everyone got something out of it. The parents (one pregnant) got a few uninterrupted hours of relaxation each day and the children got a bit of fun and sun at the 'holiday club'. The parents weren't getting blind drunk or leaving the hotel all day.

Different people have different priorities at different times. Maybe they play football at the park every weekend and go on picnics, treasure hunts, themeparks and 'adventures' with their kids back home, spent evenings reading together, doing crafts and gardening together....but this week they want to relax in the sun.

Aaaaandbreathe · 20/05/2023 02:11

YABU

I loved the kids clubs on holiday when I was a child. You may have gotten the child on a bad day or maybe the kids club staff aren't good there. Maybe complain about the service if you've notice something off when you are supposedly spending your holiday concentrating on your children?

I'd definitely complain that you were able to approach and befriend a child while they were in their care though.

Hope your kids were being safely looked after while you did this.

Notjustabrunette · 20/05/2023 02:26

I think it depends on the quality of the kids club. We went to a resort that had one at Easter. We took the kids there one morning with the plan to have family beach time in the afternoon. Well, they loved the club so much they went through the schedule of activities and were disappointed went I told them they couldn’t go to all of them and needed to spend sometime with their parents.

H0p3 · 20/05/2023 02:38

Haven’t RTFT but I love how for everyone commenting so far (of what I have read) this is the norm. I have never been on a holiday with my kids that involved a kids club. And if I did, after 6 years of parenting full time, all the time except when I’m working, I feel like I might, just might, send them to that kids club as much as I possibly fucking could. Maybe just enjoy the fact that is even a choice you have rather than judging others for taking it? I don’t judge anyone for using the options available. I judge people for lamenting the fact that others use those options when so many of us don’t even have them. What a privileged world we live in and what a shame that we choose not to see it.

Scirocco · 20/05/2023 02:45

YABU for judging the parents.

What you're seeing / what you've seen is a snapshot of a few days in their lives. You don't know their circumstances or anything about their parenting approach beyond that their children go to a club you wouldn't personally use.

It's fine to say "that's not for us", but it's not fair to judge other parents harshly based on a different but still mainstream approach to one bit of parenting.

Have you always been a perfect parent? Have you never needed a break? Do you not think there may be aspects of your parenting that other people might do differently?

The safety measures of this club don't seem robust enough if a complete stranger (you) can get access to a lone child. I'd maybe flag that up to the club, or even to the parents directly.

AuraBora · 20/05/2023 04:04

I agree with you, OP, and would have felt sorry for the child too. Clearly he's not enjoying himself much if his face lit up when a total stranger offered to push him on the swing...!

I think it's one thing to make use of the holiday club for a few hours a day maybe. All day every day so the parents can lie by the pool..not so much.

If the parents can't cope with actually being with their children and enjoying times together on holiday, I'd actually question why they're having another one...!

NumberTheory · 20/05/2023 04:08

Lots of kids do love these sorts of kids clubs. When we took ours to places with clubs when they were 3 to 8 ish, they would beg to go to the club and much preferred it to doing family stuff (which we did most weekends anyway).

If the kids are sad (and agree with PP that it’s possible you just saw them at a time they were over tired after an energetic session) then I agree it’s sad. Maybe the parents kind of need some down time before the new baby comes. This is how they can manage it and they’ll be way better parents after the holiday than if they didn’t get some relaxation. But it’s not great if the kids don’t want to be there.

barmycatmum · 20/05/2023 04:09

The one I think is unreasonable is the one watching and keeping tabs / writing on the internet.
this poor innocent woman isn’t spying on you, is she.
all you learned here is about yourself: what you would and would not do, in all instances, and how far you’re willing to go to broadcast your opinion without any information except observation.

you still have zero facts about her or her family, so there’s no conclusion to be drawn.

glad she’s getting a rest in the sun.

you might take up a hobby ?

Redlarge · 20/05/2023 04:11

WellitsNotideal · 19/05/2023 21:43

But if she worked you wouldn’t have had a problem I expect?

Show quote history

Well then she couldn't help it.

reachingfeverpitch · 20/05/2023 04:19

Please don't be so quick to judge.

A few years back I'd had a terrible year. We'd had a couple of serious illnesses in the family and I was a carer to both my elderly parents. I felt close to going under.

I was told at the time that if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others.

So we went on holiday to somewhere with a kids club so that I could recharge my batteries for a few hours a day, but also my kids could have a break from me (as I'd been quite down)!

We all had a good time!

Endlesssummer2022 · 20/05/2023 04:20

IamFamousIam · 19/05/2023 21:47

You have no idea what stress/illness/bereavement/mental health issues this family have gone through. Maybe they just need a break

Was coming on to say this. How do you know they’ve not gone through trauma and need a break? The children are looked after and have other kids to play with. It’s not like they’ve just locked them in the hotel room and fucked off.

You have zero idea of their lives outside of this snippet.

georgarina · 20/05/2023 04:52

When I was pregnant I had gestational diabetes and anaemia and felt awful. I would have loved to drop the kids off for a few days and have a break.

It's no different to hiring a babysitter for that time. They're having a break and time together before the chaos of a new baby. In all likelihood BECAUSE they spend lots of time together at home.

You make it sound like they're leaving them locked on the hotel balcony all day.

DrJump · 20/05/2023 04:56

My kids would love this. I would.miss them but they would want to get the most out of it they could.

IamnotSethRogan · 20/05/2023 05:19

From what you've said, the children are at kids club 4 and a half hours, they don't even utilise the full extent of it ?

You saw a small snap shot of a kid on a swing and have decided they've abandoned their child.to sunbathe. Honestly I bet the child enjoys kids club a lot of the time and having some arranged activities really breaks the day up.

I've never been on holiday to a resort place with a kids club but it sounds excellent. Kids have some fun while parents actually get to (god forbid) relax on their bloody holiday for a few hours.

Honestly, leave them alone and mind your own business.

cryinglaughing · 20/05/2023 05:30

YANBU might as well leave the kids at home with relatives than shove them there day in day out.

GetTheTrain · 20/05/2023 05:43

I gave my kids the option. They never wanted to go. So we all spent time together as a family. We both worked full time though so holiday time was very precious and we really enjoyed our holiday family moments. Such good memories.

In the OP it depends on whether or not the kids wanted to do. Many children do go and enjoy it.

GetTheTrain · 20/05/2023 05:48

Circlesandtriangles · 20/05/2023 01:20

Wow you're such an amazing mum! Your kids are having a great holiday! Well done you OP, and tut tut, shame on those other parents... utilising the kids club, what pricks!

Such a regressive post. Stop judging other parents. Your holiday must be very boring that this is how you spend your time. How did your kids manage when you were busy stalking and judging the neighbours comings and goings? Surely this wasn't how you are passing the quality time you should be enjoying together 😂

‘Your holiday must be very boring that this is how you spend your time. How did your kids manage when you were busy stalking and judging the neighbours comings and goings? ‘

People often say this kind of stuff. I don’t get it. Judging takes no time! You can do it simultaneously whilst carrying on as normal. It’s perfectly possible to have a good time whilst judging someone else ;-)

Loupenny25 · 20/05/2023 06:07

We've just come off a cruise where we used the kids club heavily for our 3 yo. Kids clubs (can) be like kids paradise! She was getting up at 6am and putting her shoes on straight away to go to kids club then crying until it opened!

I'm sure if some nosy Parker had looked at us they would have had plenty to say.

They wouldn't have known that it was the first break we've had as parents after horrible hospital stays OR that we'd been in disney 3 weeks previously with her every second OR that she's declared it "the best holiday ever" and asks constantly when we can do it again so she can go back to kids club.

We barely saw her all holiday, we always gave her the choice - swimming or kids club- cinema or kids club - show or kids club... and she chose kids club every time. But it's her holiday too so we rolled with it!

Ragwort · 20/05/2023 06:19

So judgmental and smug !

My DS loved Kid's Clubs ... even as a teenager at 17 he loved the Teen Clubs at Neilson. He is an only DC so he really enjoyed being with other DC & teenagers ... but the OP would probably judge me for having an only DC Hmm. And I was a SAHM who used playschool and holiday schemes ... we still had endless 'family time'.

frankgu · 20/05/2023 06:23

Wow, you have no idea what's going on or what happens ok other holidays or when they are at home.

Also how is it the old day if they drop them after it happens, collect them at 4pm & have them during the lunch break?

Fullrecoveryispossible · 20/05/2023 06:24

Don’t be a party pooper OP. God I loved kids clubs when I was younger. Much rather preferred all the fun activities with other kids than doing stuff as a family. I think it’s a real shame when parents get a bee in their bonnet about this and subsequently their kids have to miss out, and spend all their time with you.