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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge these parents

212 replies

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:36

Currently on holiday abroad.
I've noticed a family here, kids are I'd say - one is around 20 months and the other about 4, if not younger. Mum looks around 7months pregnant.
Our room overlooks kids club where there is a park and soft play and other activities. The sign on kids club says it's open 9:30-12:30 then 14:00-17:30. Now this couple drop their kids off there after breakfast not long after it's opened, they must get them for the lunch break but then they drop them back off as we've seen them collecting them around 16:00ish.
In the meantime, the parents sunbath at the pool all day.
Aibu to think this is just shit!? Why book a family holiday if you're just gonna pack them off to kids club for strangers to look after your kids pretty much all day in another country?!

Today I took my DC in there to use the park for an hour whilst I remained there and I noticed the 1 child sat on the swing looking really sad, just sat there with nobody pushing the swing and their shoes were on the wrong feet, clothes dirty from where they'd been running about/colouring in, just sat there with the tabard on showing that they're there without parents and was looking so sad and down. My heart broke when I saw that child, the younger sibling was being carried about by the staff. I went over and said hello and asked name and offered to push the swing whilst I pushed my DC. Their little face lit up just to have someone talking to them for a short while.
I just don't understand how some can do this, I couldn't ? I get maybe some need an hour or so peace here and there especially if they're live wires - and maybe some kids like it and ask to go...but for hours everyday?? I've seen those kids round the pool once all holiday, and that was late in the day, around 16:30 for an hour. Apart from that never seen them round the pool since. Poor kids.
Aibu to disagree with this holiday parenting?

OP posts:
Fooksticks · 20/05/2023 00:02

Of course we should judge people! That's how a civilised society holds people to check. Otherwise we'd all do whatever we wanted because no one cares ffs.

One or two days, or a couple of mornings/afternoon sessions would be ok in my book, but every day of the holiday, and all day except for lunch, is actually pretty shit.

Malarandras · 20/05/2023 00:02

This boggles my mind frankly. You have no idea how these people live, who they are or what they are going through. How might they see you, I wonder? Maybe you would be surprised.

HatchetJob · 20/05/2023 00:03

Mum at primary used fo go to Spain for 2 weeks. 2 kids used to be put in kids club all day everyday. Youngest one cried everyday about going in, mum said ‘ well it’s MY holiday’.

youngest was also in nursery full time even though she worked part time (her mum paid).
so picked up eldest from school at 3 and left her till 6. In the school holidays she still put her in all day whilst having the oldest at home. Horrid woman.

LittleBrownBaby · 20/05/2023 00:09

I find a much more positive way to live life is just to always give people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best. People generally are. What you see is just the tip of the iceberg - they could have just been through a loss, or illness or they could be on their first holiday in five years after working night shifts in the NHS. If just focus on your own choices - not theirs.

LittleBrownBaby · 20/05/2023 00:10

I'd

JenniferBarkley · 20/05/2023 00:14

By all means judge the phenomenon, kids clubs certainly wouldn't be for me, but don't judge an individual family.

A friend of mine is trying to book a quick getaway before her cancer surgery in a few weeks, I'm sure none of us would begrudge her and her husband a bit of time off.

You have no idea what this family has on their plate.

Nameinspirationneeded · 20/05/2023 00:15

You are judging the parents based on no knowledge of their circumstances. And whether the children are happy based on a snapshot of one on a swing for a few minutes.

MrsMorrisey · 20/05/2023 00:19

It's not something I'd do but I totally understand others doing it.
They are probably just enjoying a bit of peace before their baby comes.
Holidaying with kids is just like home but in a different place.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 20/05/2023 00:21

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:40

☹️ it's sad

These people may not have any childcare at home and this may be the only time out they get. Ask me how I know

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 00:26

As a kid the best holiday I ever went on was one where me and my brother spent all day everyday at a kids club because my mum was heavily pregnant and couldn't look after us all day.

My brother is very social so he basically got the entire group of kids playing his/our games - and as a 7-year-old it was the most exciting holiday I'd ever had. We both begged our parents to let us go to kids clubs - but they never did again.

So no, I don't think kids clubs are all bad tbh.

peanutbutterandbananas · 20/05/2023 00:27

I think it is none of your business, and I think it's wrong to judge other people's parenting like this. Leave it to the kids club to speak to them if needs be. I respect parents who ask for, or use, childcare for help when they need it - and IME it is better for the children.

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 00:45

I always remember my brother (who doesn't have children) telling my friend and I (we have 3 kids each) about how we should go on a cruise as its amazing they have a kids club that is open from first thing in the morning until late and then you can pay this extra service for them to be looked after into the night. He was enthusiastically telling us how he'd seen people do this and that it'd be a great holiday for us as we could leave our kids there all day and all night and go off and enjoy ourselves. We just nodded at his suggestion then when we left we both said what a sad holiday for the poor kids, we both said we go in holiday to spend time with our children not dump them in a club with strangers. I feel very sad for the children who are shipped off their entire holiday, can't be fun, especially if you have a shy child.

Throughalookingglass · 20/05/2023 00:55

Many kids are dropped into daycare - breakfast club before school and after school care - isn't it the same thing?

My kids liked kid's club when they were a bit older although it was generally an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Personally I wouldn't have left my kids in holiday daycare for hours every day but they certainly enjoyed being in it for shorter time intervals. If the mum is heavily pregnant, then she is probably using the time to sleep!

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 20/05/2023 01:00

I’m surprised no one spoke to you OP about approaching someone else’s child to push them on the swing.
Think you need to accept not everyone is the same as you and not judge.
Not everyone goes on holiday for the same reason and lots of kids like the independence to do their own thing.

JandalsAlways · 20/05/2023 01:04

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 00:45

I always remember my brother (who doesn't have children) telling my friend and I (we have 3 kids each) about how we should go on a cruise as its amazing they have a kids club that is open from first thing in the morning until late and then you can pay this extra service for them to be looked after into the night. He was enthusiastically telling us how he'd seen people do this and that it'd be a great holiday for us as we could leave our kids there all day and all night and go off and enjoy ourselves. We just nodded at his suggestion then when we left we both said what a sad holiday for the poor kids, we both said we go in holiday to spend time with our children not dump them in a club with strangers. I feel very sad for the children who are shipped off their entire holiday, can't be fun, especially if you have a shy child.

I thought the same thing pre-kids about how great it would be, although now I have kids I'm reluctant but only from a safety point of view (although I'm sure it's fine!). I don't see what's wrong with it, if anything the kids will probably enjoy it more anyway!

NotMeSecretFormular · 20/05/2023 01:08

When we went on holiday when I was little, I always wanted to be included in the kids club and do activities, but DM said no "it's common to palm kids off". My siblings and I would've had much more fun. To this day I don’t want to bloody sunbathe. Sounds like a pretty shit kids club to leave a little one sitting there in their own, and also to allow a random adult (you) to be able to approach and interact with them. You could've been any kind of scumbag. Don’t judge others but if you think you've found a safeguarding issue then act on it. That way you can protect the 'neglected' kids while remaining upright on your high horse. Or y'know feel secure that you've done the right thing.

Womencanlift · 20/05/2023 01:09

Some of my favourite memories of being on holiday as a kid was in the kids club. Big T Club was what it was called when you went with Thomsons

Loads of activities, took you to the beach and out for ice cream, made loads of friends that became best friends for that week. Don’t remember for a minute feeling neglected

Stop being so judgmental and focus on #makingmemories during your own “family time”

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 20/05/2023 01:09

@BaggyJumpersandLeggings

I don't get it either.

Holidays are about quality time together as a family, building memories. Also about giving children nourishing experiences.

Its a very sad situation that so many kids get dumped in kids clubs for so long.

nomoremsniceperson · 20/05/2023 01:12

Agree, it sucks.
I don't know why people have kids if they don't want to actually spend time with them. Yeah we don't know the family's exact circumstances but I don't think there's much that can excuse ignoring your children's existence to this extent.

Circlesandtriangles · 20/05/2023 01:20

Wow you're such an amazing mum! Your kids are having a great holiday! Well done you OP, and tut tut, shame on those other parents... utilising the kids club, what pricks!

Such a regressive post. Stop judging other parents. Your holiday must be very boring that this is how you spend your time. How did your kids manage when you were busy stalking and judging the neighbours comings and goings? Surely this wasn't how you are passing the quality time you should be enjoying together 😂

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 01:26

JandalsAlways · 20/05/2023 01:04

I thought the same thing pre-kids about how great it would be, although now I have kids I'm reluctant but only from a safety point of view (although I'm sure it's fine!). I don't see what's wrong with it, if anything the kids will probably enjoy it more anyway!

Show quote history

But holidays are a time to spend quality time together as a family, when everyone works/are in school etc time together is something you don't have. I used to love my family holidays when I was younger, not because we went to some lovely places (we did) but because our parents gave us their undivided attention, they weren't completely shattered from working and would actually have the time and energy to play with us. It's sad that people chose to have kids but then want to revert back to pre kid holidays, it makes me wonder why people have children if they don't want to actually spend time with them when you have the opportunity?

DemiColon · 20/05/2023 01:30

There are parents who pretty much neglect their kids, they just outsource care and feeding. Of course you can't really know in a situation like this, but when you suspect it's what is going on, it does seem sad.

I went to university with a lot of kids who went to boarding school, and then in the summer their parents sent them to camp. I thought at first they meant a one week type camp, like the one my parents sent me to - no, it was all summer. They had a week at home on both ends.

They lived very separate lives from their parents from a young age.

letthemalldoone · 20/05/2023 01:31

I never used a kids' club because if I was on holiday, I wanted to spend that time with my children - who were in childcare afterschool as we both worked fulltime.

You have absolutely no idea though OP, as to why these parents have made the decision to make full use of kids' clubs.

user1492757084 · 20/05/2023 01:35

My children begged to go to snow kids care - all day.
You don't know everything about the family.

Maybe the Mum is having a rough pregnancy.
Perhaps the kids say they love it.

The kids are safe, the parents are happy and resting up for a very busy period around the corner. There is sadness and joy in every day for every one.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 20/05/2023 01:45

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 01:26

But holidays are a time to spend quality time together as a family, when everyone works/are in school etc time together is something you don't have. I used to love my family holidays when I was younger, not because we went to some lovely places (we did) but because our parents gave us their undivided attention, they weren't completely shattered from working and would actually have the time and energy to play with us. It's sad that people chose to have kids but then want to revert back to pre kid holidays, it makes me wonder why people have children if they don't want to actually spend time with them when you have the opportunity?

Show quote history

Maybe their parents do spend loads of time with them.
Maybe they are there after school every day, every weekend doing lots of activities together all the time.
Maybe they home school.
There are lots of maybes
Which is why it’s wrong to judge other peoples choices.

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