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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge these parents

212 replies

BaggyJumpersandLeggings · 19/05/2023 21:36

Currently on holiday abroad.
I've noticed a family here, kids are I'd say - one is around 20 months and the other about 4, if not younger. Mum looks around 7months pregnant.
Our room overlooks kids club where there is a park and soft play and other activities. The sign on kids club says it's open 9:30-12:30 then 14:00-17:30. Now this couple drop their kids off there after breakfast not long after it's opened, they must get them for the lunch break but then they drop them back off as we've seen them collecting them around 16:00ish.
In the meantime, the parents sunbath at the pool all day.
Aibu to think this is just shit!? Why book a family holiday if you're just gonna pack them off to kids club for strangers to look after your kids pretty much all day in another country?!

Today I took my DC in there to use the park for an hour whilst I remained there and I noticed the 1 child sat on the swing looking really sad, just sat there with nobody pushing the swing and their shoes were on the wrong feet, clothes dirty from where they'd been running about/colouring in, just sat there with the tabard on showing that they're there without parents and was looking so sad and down. My heart broke when I saw that child, the younger sibling was being carried about by the staff. I went over and said hello and asked name and offered to push the swing whilst I pushed my DC. Their little face lit up just to have someone talking to them for a short while.
I just don't understand how some can do this, I couldn't ? I get maybe some need an hour or so peace here and there especially if they're live wires - and maybe some kids like it and ask to go...but for hours everyday?? I've seen those kids round the pool once all holiday, and that was late in the day, around 16:30 for an hour. Apart from that never seen them round the pool since. Poor kids.
Aibu to disagree with this holiday parenting?

OP posts:
Appleass · 20/05/2023 08:24

Im with you OP, very sad, couple of hours a day but not all day every day!

toddlermom99 · 20/05/2023 08:26

Each to their own. I wouldn't personally send my son for longer than a couple of hours but I wouldn't judge people who send them longer. You don't know their situation and quite frankly it's none of your business Confused

fizzyfood · 20/05/2023 08:30

Perhaps this is the only break they get. They might have no support back at home.

Radi0Stockport · 20/05/2023 08:31

It is so sad. We go on holiday to spend time together. Call me judgey but I also hate them sitting on iPads in restaurants. BE TOGETHER

Superdupes · 20/05/2023 08:36

Based on my experience of mums I know that do an awful lot with their kids, they're not the sort to shove them in a kids club when they go on holiday. Does anyone actually know any parents that do loads with their kids at home and then put them in a holiday club all day every day while they sun bathe on holiday?

IamSlave · 20/05/2023 08:37

@Skinnermarink why don't you then?

Tell us some time stories?

Op, how on earth do the parents know what their dc is up too once they have been handed over?

Once you hand the child over and leave you have absolutely no ides what's going on.

THisbackwithavengeance · 20/05/2023 08:42

You'd be calling social services on me OP.

My DD would beg to go into the kids clubs, would make friends in 5 minutes and then we would barely see her for the rest of the holiday as she'd want to be off playing with her friends and doing all the activities. She'd just turn up at mealtimes.

Stressfordays · 20/05/2023 08:43

I'm a lone parent of 3 between 5 and 10. We're going on our first ever holiday abroad soon and you can guarantee I am sending them kids club at least some of the time so I can get some sun and relax. I saved up hard for this holiday.

DeadbeatYoda · 20/05/2023 08:43

We could never use those kids clubs ( 1 ds autistic, 1 ds disabled) so, like @Thelondonone we have always rented villas but I always thought the kids had a great time at those clubs. Although our family have always enjoyed our holidays, I did feel a bit sorry for my kids when their friends talked about the activities they did on holiday.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 20/05/2023 08:45

Womencanlift · 20/05/2023 01:09

Some of my favourite memories of being on holiday as a kid was in the kids club. Big T Club was what it was called when you went with Thomsons

Loads of activities, took you to the beach and out for ice cream, made loads of friends that became best friends for that week. Don’t remember for a minute feeling neglected

Stop being so judgmental and focus on #makingmemories during your own “family time”

It was the Big T Club-so many hours of fun when I went in the 80s!

overthehillswegoo · 20/05/2023 08:51

She might work full time, have no family support or a break at home.
She might need this break.
She has another child on the way, she might be an amazing hands on mum at home.

The kids are likely to be happy playing with other children/toys/arts and crafts/whatever they do at kids club. I doubt they're having an awful holiday.

We just don't know. Do they look neglected?

EmeraldPanda · 20/05/2023 09:11

ToBeOrNotToBee · 19/05/2023 21:48

YABU.

She's on holiday for gods sake.

Let her have a fucking break and enjoy her time away from domestic drudgery.

This. YABVU OP.

honeylulu · 20/05/2023 09:40

My kids loved kids club on holiday. We got a bit of time to sunbathe, read, have a proper swim, use the spa etc. Also very practical as there would be a shaded/indoor section they used for the hottest part of the day when I wouldn't have wanted the kids in the sun. We'd have all been stuck back in the hotel room for a couple of hours otherwise. One holiday we went to Portugal and it was nearly 40 degrees every day. The kids begged to go to club all the time as it had air con (as well as all the activities).

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 20/05/2023 09:41

My kids beg to go to the kids club, they usually only do one session a day and I'd rather spend time with them but it's their holiday too.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/05/2023 09:51

Yes, you are a bit. You're on holiday, spending it watching what other parents are doing and rushing to post it here.

People judge, I understand that. Most keep it in their heads, feel a bit smug but leave it there. Not you though. Your judgement is SO important that it must be posted here for everybody to tell you how right you are and how wrong they are.

Sorry - not sorry - to spoil your thread. Mind your own business and play with your own kids maybe?

violetcuriosity · 20/05/2023 09:54

I always feel guilty but if we go somewhere with a kids club I always put mine in for one session a day so we can have a drink and read our books around the pool for an hour or so. They enjoy it and it lets us recharge to be fun mummy and daddy again. I don't think you're unreasonable to think they shouldn't be in there all day everyday though, I couldn't do that personally.

catgirl1976 · 20/05/2023 09:56

YANBU

For me a holiday is family time. I’ve never understood people who do this. I appreciate everyone is different however and sometimes people just need a break and you never know the circumstances but it’s not for me.

ExtraOnions · 20/05/2023 10:03

DD is an only child, and are loved the kids clubs when she was younger … she would much sooner hang out with kids her own age than with me & her dad. We always went cruising, and the kids clubs were amazing: they had their own covered splash pool, a brilliant room filled with stuff, they had movie & pizza night, kids club would call for them and they would have breakfast together, tours of The Bridge, meeting the captain, backstage at the theatre, they all went to watch the evening show together (V.I.P seating), they had sports contests (mostly round the pool so parents could join in as well. The kids club enhanced the whole trip.

Now she’s a teen, would not be seen dead in any teen activities !

Butterfly44 · 20/05/2023 10:07

Judgmental or what. Their children might love going to kids club and activities or might be sensory and need a set routine. Just because you'd do different gives you no right to judge others.

Ponoka7 · 20/05/2023 10:17

Pooterlie · 19/05/2023 21:41

I'm with you OP, awful.

My ndn used to take her kids to breakfast club at school and then pick them up at 5.45. She didn't work at the time and they were 4 and 6.

Just rubbish.

What was the Dad doing? If a parent is struggling then better that the child remains with them and goes to childcare provision. Which is why SS will fund Nursery etc. A few years down the line and she might be more able to manage things.

DrHousecuredme · 20/05/2023 10:18

Each to their own suppose 🤷‍♀️*

I am focusing on my own family. We've had an amazing time, done lots as a family it's been great* 😁

Well I secretly judge all kinds of parents to be fair but the smug "aren't I just winning at parenting?" type ones annoy me far more.

You really don't know the back story of this family.
Maybe they do put their own needs first.
But maybe they've been through something awful that's left them drained and exhausted and this is their way of trying to get a tiny bit of breathing space in a demanding life.

Hotpinkangel19 · 20/05/2023 10:19

It's sad. I don't understand parents who have children but don't want to spend time with them.

Twonewcats · 20/05/2023 10:21

YABU.
You have no idea how much they actually do with the kids or whether the kids are overall happy about going.
If the child is sitting alone and miserable in the kids club, then that's an issue to take up with the kids club, as they should be having a blast.

Twonewcats · 20/05/2023 10:22

DrHousecuredme · 20/05/2023 10:18

Each to their own suppose 🤷‍♀️*

I am focusing on my own family. We've had an amazing time, done lots as a family it's been great* 😁

Well I secretly judge all kinds of parents to be fair but the smug "aren't I just winning at parenting?" type ones annoy me far more.

You really don't know the back story of this family.
Maybe they do put their own needs first.
But maybe they've been through something awful that's left them drained and exhausted and this is their way of trying to get a tiny bit of breathing space in a demanding life.

Exactly this.

TheMoops · 20/05/2023 10:22

The problem isn't that the parents using kids club, it's that the kids club sounds like it's poor quality.

All the kids clubs we've ever used have been structured activities for a set amount of time.