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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 19/05/2023 21:36

Go to the presentations using your own transport and then go home.

FrostyFifi · 19/05/2023 21:36

Are they insane?!
I wouldn't even share a hotel room with one other female colleague, never mind this utter shitshow.

2Hot2Handle · 19/05/2023 21:36

Surely everyone would need to know about camping overnight before the event, as everyone would be asking about the overnight accommodation arrangements and the company would need to provide this information in advance. There are so many issues with this including being asked to sleep in the same “room” as multiple work colleagues, being asked to sleep in a tent and being asked to sleep with mixed genders. I’d really question this one and if it is true, say you’re not comfortable for your own comfort and safety.

lissie123 · 19/05/2023 21:37

Seriously I have heard of a recent work event with where the behaviour of one particular man resulted in immediate dismissal(think inappropriate sexual behaviour). No way would I be sleeping in a tent with nine male strangers.

dreamingoaholiday · 19/05/2023 21:38

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Sorry but this is very naive.

Sexual assaults happen at work, as much as anywhere else i.e. often.

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2023 21:39

FrostyFifi · 19/05/2023 21:36

Are they insane?!
I wouldn't even share a hotel room with one other female colleague, never mind this utter shitshow.

Me neither, bad enough sharing with DH.

Atishoos · 19/05/2023 21:39

As others have also said, at this stage of my life I wouldn't share with anyone at a work event, so this tent event would not be happening for me.

Team building/integration can be done in the pub if it is paid for by the company of course. Everyone happy, can leave when you want etc. But no, so this kind of forced integration has to be abolished. I cannot think of anyone, male or female who doesn't groan with horror at the clipboard person or the dreaded email announcing such events. I have dodged all of them in my career (retired now) and still made it to senior level. Ugh and ugh again!

All dodges involved me fainting within the first hour and sent home. I was fine but I did turn up ha ha.

jay55 · 19/05/2023 21:40

I'd not share any room, tent, cave, with my coworkers overnight.
And I'd not be up for camping even in my own tent, as I'd not be able to get up off the floor easily the next day.
So I'd be off home.

SilkySuky · 19/05/2023 21:40

Absolutely not. Wtf are they thinking?

StaunchMomma · 19/05/2023 21:41

I absolutely would not.

Even if they were all other women.

It sounds so, SO shit!

TattiePants · 19/05/2023 21:41

At my old company we used to have an annual conference that would include a couple of night in a hotel. The only people who were allowed to share a mixed sex room were those who were married. Even male-female couples who had been dating for years weren’t allowed to share a room. I can’t believe any company with a half decent HR department would let this go ahead.

Atishoos · 19/05/2023 21:43

jay55 · 19/05/2023 21:40

I'd not share any room, tent, cave, with my coworkers overnight.
And I'd not be up for camping even in my own tent, as I'd not be able to get up off the floor easily the next day.
So I'd be off home.

In my case they'd need a crane or hoist to get me up off the bed on the floor. If one was not available I'd have to stay in my tent bed for the duration. 😂

It is also discriminatory for disabled employees methinks.

AgrathaChristie · 19/05/2023 21:44

It’d be a no from me.
And don’t anyone in a similar situation wear ear plugs as a pp suggested. You need all your senses working loud and clear In a situation that doesn’t appear to have seen a risk assessment.

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2023 21:45

TattiePants · 19/05/2023 21:41

At my old company we used to have an annual conference that would include a couple of night in a hotel. The only people who were allowed to share a mixed sex room were those who were married. Even male-female couples who had been dating for years weren’t allowed to share a room. I can’t believe any company with a half decent HR department would let this go ahead.

Our annual meeting (and the Christmas party) were well known for the bed hopping antics of many of the attendees.

Cinnamope · 19/05/2023 21:46

I feel like I should do a ‘I regularly sleep on a tour bus with up to 15 men as part of my job’ AMA 😂

Camping sounds shit though

Mischance · 19/05/2023 21:48

Can't bear all this team-building bollocks. Such a waste of life.

amusedbush · 19/05/2023 21:49

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than sleep in a tent, never mind share one with random colleagues pretending to be Bear Grylls.

I can't even share a bedroom with my DH so if I turned up to Forced Corporate Fun and someone announced this plan, I'd be back in my car before they finished their sentence.

TattiePants · 19/05/2023 21:50

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2023 21:45

Our annual meeting (and the Christmas party) were well known for the bed hopping antics of many of the attendees.

Show quote history

Same where I worked. Officially the rooms had to be single sex. The reality was somewhat……different!

CastleTurrets · 19/05/2023 21:51

While backpacking (years ago) one of the hostels messed up my booking and I ended up in a mixed sex dorm - was full of blokes. It was too late to relocate. I never slept a wink all night and rushed out first thing in the morning to find somewhere else to sleep!

If this situation was flung on me at work there's no way I'd comply.

I'm astounded that they think it is in any way acceptable. I wouldn't share a hotel room with one colleague (of either sex) never mind a tent!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 19/05/2023 21:51

This is a D&I car crash and I would like to think it couldn't happen at a large company in this day and age but I know it can.

Honestly OP I would ask a few questions about the arrangements and what consideration has been given to ensuring those with disabilities, long term conditions, religious and cultural needs can participate and aren't disadvantaged or excluded. Also whether they have considered the risk of sexual assault or allegations of sexual impropriety.

You can phrase it in a 'concerned for others' kind of way if you don't want to look like a party pooper. There is loads of caselaw on companies being found liable for the actions of employees at this type of event.

NotTodaySatanIHavePMS · 19/05/2023 21:53

This is the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas.

I went on a work event like this once. I pretended I'd had a call about an emergency at home and got a taxi back on the company account.

Terloz · 19/05/2023 21:54

Ridiculous. Male or female. Tent or hotel room. I once had a coach/trainer touting room sharing as a jolly good opportunity to get to know your colleagues better. No thanks. I’d like to fart, snore, struggle with a difficult period/ menopausal flooding alone. I can also live without knowing who has a colostomy bag, greying underwear and leaves a skid mark in the en-suite. Ridiculous. Away with the ‘it’s just bedding down in a sleeping bag’ nonsense. And lol at whoever said ‘I’m an adult not a venture scout’. So true. Unless there’s a national emergency you can forget such shannanigans.

OnTheBoardwalk · 19/05/2023 21:54

@Cinnamope i'd like an AMA on that. I spent a couple of nights with friends on a tour bus with a biggish band from my youth and it was an eye opener. Least you knew the risks when you took the job on!

with risk of harassment and improper behaviour complaints from all sides, I can’t see any company signing up to this. You really do need to get a proper response from someone official

I know team building events at hotels by a company I worked for years ago were banned after an office baby was conceived and caused massive fall outs

PeopleAreShit · 19/05/2023 21:56

Fuck no for so many reasons.
I would decline/get a migraine or just say no and risk my job for it.

RedToothBrush · 19/05/2023 21:59

"Can I speak to HR about this 'ere proposed camp please?"

"Yes, I'd like you to explain how a camping trip with me expected to either share a tent with nine men, or withdraw from the camp isn't either a hostile environment to a female employee or straight up discrimination"

"Yes can you confirm that you think this is ok, and not an old boys type club mentality which tries to deliberately ostracise women and make them feel uncomfortable/ at risk"

"Thanks, my solicitor will be In touch. See ya!"