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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
Stircrazyschoolmum · 19/05/2023 21:17

Be careful OP.. this has got Daily Mail written all over it!

ModestMoon · 19/05/2023 21:18

OP are you absolutely sure? It could be that they expect you to sleep in a tent alone or that there are other women and they've based the teams with this in mind. There's no way I would ever sleep near men I don't know, they can't possibly expect that of you.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 19/05/2023 21:18

I wouldn't share a room with a female colleague, so like fuck would I sleep in a tent alongside multiple blokes.

You have two choices -

  1. Get in touch with the organiser. Tell them you have heard this as a rumour and would like to clarify that you will not be sharing sleeping accommodation - rooms, tents or otherwise - with anyone else.
  2. Keep quiet and ensure you have transport options so that you can tell them on the day that you will be staying elsewhere.

Personally I'd go with option 1, because pulling companies up on this shit stops it from happening again, and does not put you on the spot on the day.

Iknowthis1 · 19/05/2023 21:18

The whole thing is a recipe for disaster. Whoever organised it is clueless

Floralnomad · 19/05/2023 21:19

YANBU , but I wouldn’t be camping anyway , work trip or not .

malarkyintheparky · 19/05/2023 21:19

I would send a brief email to the organiser.

'Looking forward to the team building event. Can I just confirm that sleeping arrangements will be single sex?'

If they haven't thought about it then it gives them the chance to!

burnoutbabe · 19/05/2023 21:20

I assume also communal toilet blocks?

Or portable loos?

Having just started braces, and wearing contact lenses, a nice clean bathroom /sink is needed 3 times a day. Surely others have similar needs?

Dixiechickonhols · 19/05/2023 21:21

I can’t imagine the men happy either. Especially in close confines it would be so easy got you to say one had inappropriately touched you etc.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2023 21:21

I find it very hard to believe that a big company would expect women and their male colleagues to share sleeping quarters.

LSSG · 19/05/2023 21:21

Escapefromhell · 19/05/2023 20:58

I have done this in the past on survival style management training events. Everyone sleeps under a tarp or in a tent. You don’t get changes to go to sleep, it is not like anyone exposes themselves. It isn’t as if there is a shower or anything. Just for one or two nights it is fine. No different from falling asleep in a plane full of strangers on a long hall flight

This sounds like hell on earth

BlokeHereInPeace · 19/05/2023 21:22

If it's a large international group, there'll be an HR team. Email them saying that you understand that this activity involves doing things that you feel are unacceptable. You are at work so your employer has a duty of care. Ask to see the risk assessment. Tell them for reasons that you do not have to disclose you are unable to participate in anything that involves a) sleeping outdoors b) sharing such space with people you don't know c) sharing such space with men who are not immediate family.

Or just tell them to fuck off, I thought that all this nonsense had finished.

And anyone who thinks that people behave themselves because its work, no. I work for a tiny company and decided a long time ago that work and alcohol don't mix. There is always, always, someone who can't take their drink.

ferntwist · 19/05/2023 21:23

YANBU. This is hard to believe, so insensitive of the organisers. Is there any way there could actually be male/female tents and that’s not clear from the plans you’ve seen? I’m clutching at straws!

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2023 21:23

Atishoos · 19/05/2023 21:08

It would be great if the men objected to sharing with one woman.

When OH used to do site visits a couple of ladies who were with him complained to HR he wasn't sociable with them. Didn't eat dinner with them or sit and chat with them. Next trip he arranged with the booking people to be in a local village pub while the ladies were in the hotel.

Budikka · 19/05/2023 21:25

I wonder what the legal position is? If you can find out some "get-out clause", maybe you could drop someone a hint.... "I hope you have checked out everything complies with Act..... Clause......"

FiveShelties · 19/05/2023 21:25

BlusteryLake · 19/05/2023 21:02

I don't think many senior level people would be comfortable with this, men or women.

I don't think many junior level staff would be comfortable with this either.

GP75 · 19/05/2023 21:25

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Having worked in HR for 25 years and handled more sexual harassment claims than I'd like to remember I can absolutely tell you you're wrong.

pizzaHeart · 19/05/2023 21:27

you have two options OP :

  • to email asking them to confirm that sleeping arrangements are single sex and give them chance to provide you a separate tent
  • don’t tell them anything now and then refuse to participate in a team building event completely
to be honest I would go for the latter option. I hate camping.
PaigeMatthews · 19/05/2023 21:29

BlokeHereInPeace · 19/05/2023 21:22

If it's a large international group, there'll be an HR team. Email them saying that you understand that this activity involves doing things that you feel are unacceptable. You are at work so your employer has a duty of care. Ask to see the risk assessment. Tell them for reasons that you do not have to disclose you are unable to participate in anything that involves a) sleeping outdoors b) sharing such space with people you don't know c) sharing such space with men who are not immediate family.

Or just tell them to fuck off, I thought that all this nonsense had finished.

And anyone who thinks that people behave themselves because its work, no. I work for a tiny company and decided a long time ago that work and alcohol don't mix. There is always, always, someone who can't take their drink.

This is tge direction id take too. Single sex sleeping arrangements.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 19/05/2023 21:29

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Really? No inappropriate behavior or sexual assault in common settings? Did you really just type that?

blahblahblah1654 · 19/05/2023 21:30

Definitely not being unreadable. I would refuse. If they can't provide an alternative for you, don't go. Tell them you're not comfortable sharing a tent with 9 men being the only woman. We've stayed in twin room hotels with work and sharing with the opposite sex has never been considered.

Nacknick · 19/05/2023 21:30

Budikka · 19/05/2023 21:25

I wonder what the legal position is? If you can find out some "get-out clause", maybe you could drop someone a hint.... "I hope you have checked out everything complies with Act..... Clause......"

The Equality act would do. It doesn’t sound like this event is at all suitable/accessible to anyone who is disabled or has a health condition.

Let me guess… not a whole lot of diversity in the workforce?

Ardiaei · 19/05/2023 21:32

Absolutely not. Not with men or women. Think of all the involuntary parping under the sheets. I’m quite a trumper myself and couldn’t bear to hold them in all night. No thank you.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 19/05/2023 21:33

Think you should request the health and safety assessment if you are likely to be outnumbered by men.

Think you should also find out more details.
This sounds like a survival type thing. You won’t be changing into different clothes for bed just jumping into a sleeping bag and sleeping.
Ive done similar and my profession is mainly men too ( architects ). Tbh it wasn’t something I even thought about, however, they were guys in my practice plus a few clients I’d worked with before. So Not complete strangers.

If the activity makes you uncomfortable you should talk to your boss.

ELCismyspiritnana · 19/05/2023 21:33

Ask to see the risk assessment, but ask the head of health and safety for your organisation directly and in confidence. I suspect they will very quickly put paid to this nonsense.

ELCismyspiritnana · 19/05/2023 21:35

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

You are very very lucky if you have ever been to a work event where absolutely no one has behaved inappropriately. It's almost obligatory in the minds of some (almost overwhelmingly middle aged men) employees 😅

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