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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 19/05/2023 20:54

Women or men I would not accept work imposing on me sleeping in the same room as anyone at all.

Team building events are bullshit. I've always bonded with people by working with them. Going out for dinner or lunch at a pinch.

StaySpicy · 19/05/2023 20:54

Sounds horrendous. No-one should have to go camping with colleagues. Especially not under the guise of "team building" and especially not as a surprise.

AffIt · 19/05/2023 20:54

Absolutely no 'international company' would even consider that for a second, it's an HR nightmare.

I suggest you go and get the arrangements of all of this in writing, quicksmart.

AuraBora · 19/05/2023 20:54

Yanbu.

Horrific! I like camping with my family but with a bunch of people from work - truly awful! I wouldn't even share a hotel room with a female colleague..it just feels like an invasion of privacy.

EmmaEmerald · 19/05/2023 20:54

OP "The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers."

actually, this does make me wonder....what do others think? Do they think they are in a hotel or what?

oviraptor21 · 19/05/2023 20:55

I wouldn't be sleeping in a tent or sharing accommodation with anyone.
What does your contract say?

LaLaLouella · 19/05/2023 20:55

I'd send an email to whoever us organising this asking for exact details about what is planned as you've heard rumours which have concerned you.

If it's sleeping in tents just say no, you are not being unreasonable to not feel comfortable doing this with colleagues.

The company I work for would not dream of asking professionals to do something like that.

standardduck · 19/05/2023 20:55

YANBU.

I wouldn't share a tent with any strangers, male or female. What a weird set up.

GreatBigBoots · 19/05/2023 20:56

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

It would be nice to think that, but having been on lots of team building/away day etc 'enforced fun' type work events where lots of people, particularly the men, got incredibly drunk and behaved terribly. I definitely would not have wanted to have to share sleeping quarters with them. These were all well paid, professionals, some of them in quite senior positions. It was all seen as part of the 'fun' and almost encouraged.

fluffiphlox · 19/05/2023 20:57

A tent?!

Escapefromhell · 19/05/2023 20:58

I have done this in the past on survival style management training events. Everyone sleeps under a tarp or in a tent. You don’t get changes to go to sleep, it is not like anyone exposes themselves. It isn’t as if there is a shower or anything. Just for one or two nights it is fine. No different from falling asleep in a plane full of strangers on a long hall flight

Goodread1 · 19/05/2023 20:59

I definitely would not accept doing this @Touranosaurus 100 per cent, !

especially will men who I don't know, !!!!!

Absolutely 💯 Crazy 🤪 idea.in first place, !

If it was women only separate tents , that would be different, OK, to do as team building exercise, !

and men only separate tents !

Totally different, obviously,!

Achwheesht · 19/05/2023 20:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

shyalice · 19/05/2023 20:59

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

I was sexually assaulted at work by a coworker.

YANBU OP.

itsmylife7 · 19/05/2023 20:59

I wouldn't sleep in a tent with ten people be they man or woman 🙁

widowtwankywashroom · 19/05/2023 21:00

YANBU and there is no way on this earth would I camp in a tent with men I didn't know! Not for all the tea in China!
But like others have said, ask the question, before refusing. From a H&S perspective I cannot see how this would be allowed?

Freefall212 · 19/05/2023 21:00

In what world are any top level senior execs sleeping in a dorm style tent? Man or woman? I can’t imagine anyone being on board with this plan at all.

stevalnamechanger · 19/05/2023 21:01

I would pack my own one man tent 😂😂

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 21:02

Sadly not a rumour. I don’t want to provide details that could potentially be outing but I have the info from a reliable source who was equally horrified.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/05/2023 21:02

This is insane. Enforced fun + free alcohol + mixed sex sleeping areas is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Any incident would be seen as negligence by the company. Absolutely mad. So no ywnbu. In fact I'd be warning any other women. Or stating that you will not be going unless you have an individual or single sex secure sleeping area (actually could you accept on this basis and then the onus is on them to advise if not the case?)

BlusteryLake · 19/05/2023 21:02

I don't think many senior level people would be comfortable with this, men or women.

Connect3 · 19/05/2023 21:03

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 21:02

Sadly not a rumour. I don’t want to provide details that could potentially be outing but I have the info from a reliable source who was equally horrified.

You still need to speak to the organisers

youveturnedupwelldone · 19/05/2023 21:03

This is dire.

If I turned up for a "team building" type thing and it involved sharing a tent with anyone at all I would turn round and go straight home.

By the way almost every sexual misconduct case we have at work happens on something like this where people are out of the usual work environment and think the usual rules don't apply. I wouldn't put myself in the situation where that might be a possibility.

AlltheFs · 19/05/2023 21:03

Wouldn’t happen in my sector-we have a lot of staff who couldn’t do this for religious reasons (it’s a BAME majority employer). I’m glad of that!

verdantverdure · 19/05/2023 21:04

YANBU

Oh god no @PimpMyFridge

Nobody ever behaves badly if it's connected to work

You only have to think about staff Christmas parties to prove that point.

Some people don't even behave well at work. That's why HR have sexual harassment policies.

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