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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 19/05/2023 21:05

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 21:02

Sadly not a rumour. I don’t want to provide details that could potentially be outing but I have the info from a reliable source who was equally horrified.

Then you can email someone (line manager or organiser or HR) and say you are not able to attend this event for the reason that you deem it inappropriate to be asked to share sleeping space.

Or you can say you have d&v on the day.

But you are not being unreasonable at all.

Summerfun54321 · 19/05/2023 21:05

Agree it'll be a survival style thing. It won't be all getting in your pj's and sleeping like sardines in a tent.

AlisonDonut · 19/05/2023 21:06

How about 'No'.

What the fuck are they thinking?

BanningTheWordNaice · 19/05/2023 21:06

I’m voluntarily going camping with some of my colleagues next month and there is still no way in hell I’d go camping with colleagues I didn’t choose to go with. What the hell.

Supertayto · 19/05/2023 21:07

Fuck. No.

bryceQ · 19/05/2023 21:07

Absolutely no way would I do this. I find it hard to sleep with DH! No way would I want to sleep in a tent with random men, that sounds like a nightmare.

TheStrangestTimes · 19/05/2023 21:08

Good God. No.

You don't have to go along with this insantity.

Why do things have to be so "extra" (extraordinarily bizarre) - your own hotel room, perfectly fine. Anything else... No way. A goddam tent with men you don't know? Was the person who arranged all of this on glue?

Atishoos · 19/05/2023 21:08

It would be great if the men objected to sharing with one woman.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 19/05/2023 21:09

I can't imagine any company would force mixed sex sleeping as a surprise! That really does feel like a lawsuit about to happen

Also, 10 in a tent? That's a big tent. Maybe it has separate "rooms", think pods, so you wouldn't be mixed? You are only assuming you would be with 9 men this time because you were last time.

Regardless, if you have concerns then speak to the organisers and also pitch the point that it would make a lot of people uncomfortable to be forced into mixed sex sleeping, and that potentially some females wouldn't even be allowed to due to religious reasons so they are running the risk of discrimination

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 19/05/2023 21:09

I can't imagine any company would force mixed sex sleeping as a surprise! That really does feel like a lawsuit about to happen

Also, 10 in a tent? That's a big tent. Maybe it has separate "rooms", think pods, so you wouldn't be mixed? You are only assuming you would be with 9 men this time because you were last time.

Regardless, if you have concerns then speak to the organisers and also pitch the point that it would make a lot of people uncomfortable to be forced into mixed sex sleeping, and that potentially some females wouldn't even be allowed to due to religious reasons so they are running the risk of discrimination

BlackeyedSusan · 19/05/2023 21:10

If anything even minor happens there will be serious reputational damage for the company. Are they willing to risk it?

Alaimo · 19/05/2023 21:11

Quite a few times I've shared accommodation with men I barely know, shared compartments on sleeper trains, dormitories in backpackers hostels, tents too. However, that's always been my choice. To force it upon people is absolutely insane.

You know what will also be insane? The snoring in a tent with 9 men, especially if alcohol is available. That only would be reason for me to say no to this.

Fizzadora · 19/05/2023 21:12

Does your character need building?
I always refused to join in with these juvenile, ridiculous corporate games and yes it was detrimental to my career but I stuck to my guns. It was a major bank infiltrated by all this corporate tripe from the US in the mid 80's so I had many, many years of it.
I would be emailing the organisers for clarification and accidentally copying in all attendees to forewarn them.

Alsobeyondshit · 19/05/2023 21:12

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 21:02

Sadly not a rumour. I don’t want to provide details that could potentially be outing but I have the info from a reliable source who was equally horrified.

A reliable source?

What do the organisers say?

Bearpawk · 19/05/2023 21:12

Nope, that can fuck off. I won't even share a hotel room with a good friend of the same sex if I can help it these days

AlltheFs · 19/05/2023 21:13

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 19/05/2023 21:09

I can't imagine any company would force mixed sex sleeping as a surprise! That really does feel like a lawsuit about to happen

Also, 10 in a tent? That's a big tent. Maybe it has separate "rooms", think pods, so you wouldn't be mixed? You are only assuming you would be with 9 men this time because you were last time.

Regardless, if you have concerns then speak to the organisers and also pitch the point that it would make a lot of people uncomfortable to be forced into mixed sex sleeping, and that potentially some females wouldn't even be allowed to due to religious reasons so they are running the risk of discrimination

Not just women. The men I work with absolutely couldn’t and wouldn’t share a sleeping space with women for religious and/or cultural reasons.
As an employer we are always sensitive to all and this just wouldn’t get off the ground anywhere in our sector.

tillyandmilly · 19/05/2023 21:14

Sounds awful! I would say no - no one can force you!

purplepencilcase · 19/05/2023 21:14

Erm no. No way would I agree to that and I'm pretty much up for most things.

sunsetssky · 19/05/2023 21:14

Absolutely no way.

You need to tell them no or come up with an illness.

Dixiechickonhols · 19/05/2023 21:15

Just No. Can’t believe it would pass any Risk Assessment.

BungleandGeorge · 19/05/2023 21:15

I wouldn’t want to be in my own pod or tent with a group of men I didn’t know either

CatsOnTheChair · 19/05/2023 21:16

Hell no.
Absolutely no way I'd share a room or a tent with people from work.
I have, however, slept in large, mixed dorms. I think it's the sole female bit that would stop me in that case, but the work link would make it a no go.

Maireas · 19/05/2023 21:16

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Right. So men have never been known to behave badly at a work event?.

VestaTilley · 19/05/2023 21:16

YANBU and I would refuse to do this.

Complain to HR if needs be. Astonished a modern company would suggest this.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/05/2023 21:17

Is this forced fun obligatory? Ask for a risk assessment.

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