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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
Roundandnour · 19/05/2023 21:59

Even if I didn’t have disabilities or a rape victim, it would still be a massive fuck off from me.

And oh it’s fine you don’t get changed. The majority of rape victims start out fully clothed ffs.

Cinnamope · 19/05/2023 22:01

OnTheBoardwalk · 19/05/2023 21:54

@Cinnamope i'd like an AMA on that. I spent a couple of nights with friends on a tour bus with a biggish band from my youth and it was an eye opener. Least you knew the risks when you took the job on!

with risk of harassment and improper behaviour complaints from all sides, I can’t see any company signing up to this. You really do need to get a proper response from someone official

I know team building events at hotels by a company I worked for years ago were banned after an office baby was conceived and caused massive fall outs

It’s much less ‘risky’ and actually a lot more boring than you’d imagine. There is no choice, you either do it or you don’t work. There are always a few bad eggs but most people who can’t act appropriately don’t get hired again.

AdoraBell · 19/05/2023 22:03

YANBU.

Notimeforaname · 19/05/2023 22:09

You simply say "I'm not comfortable sleeping in a tent with 9 men so I womt be staying there.

Then you either get a taxi and leave after the team event, or ask that they arrange a all female tent or one just for you if no other females... or lastly, just don't go.

Did anyone actually say for sure that you are definitely in a tent with 9 men? This is for sure?

Delpi65 · 19/05/2023 22:10

Oh my! No way would I participate with this - it's a big No from me - YANBU to attend

Newspeaker · 19/05/2023 22:11

It's reasonable to ask about the sleeping arrangements before going on a company event of any kind. Also reasonable to refuse to go if they aren't suitable or the organiser won't tell you.
I wouldn't camp, due to a chronic neck problem I'd be in pain by the morning, and I wouldn't share a room with anyone, not even one meek and friendly female colleague. So a tent - they could shove it where the sun don't shine.

letthemalldoone · 19/05/2023 22:13

I'd be off sick for a couple of weeks.

Tooshytoshine · 19/05/2023 22:15

Went camping with work - we each had our own tent. All women... It was seen as entirely unreasonable to share personal space.

YANBU

caringcarer · 19/05/2023 22:17

Why can't you have your own little tent?

Haribosweets · 19/05/2023 22:17

No way! I wouldn't share with females if I hardly knew them. I will share with close friends only and get very uncomfortable otherwise. I would definitely be making excuses if true

UkuleleRose · 19/05/2023 22:21

TooOldForThisNonsense · Today 20:47
YANBU

i wouldn’t be sleeping in a tent with George Clooney far less anyone else

Okay, let's be reasonable here...

Mariposista · 19/05/2023 22:24

Absolute no chance

loonyloo · 19/05/2023 22:27

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Ooh that's a bit naive I think.

echt · 19/05/2023 22:29

The only time I was asked to share a bedroom with another woman on a works' PD I refused, saying I don't share bedrooms except by my own express invitation. And I got my own room.

No other argument needed.

Blancmangemouse · 19/05/2023 22:34

It’s the farting and snoring and smell in the morning that would put me off most.

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/05/2023 22:34

I can’t believe mixed tents would reasonably be expected. Totally unacceptable. If this is defo true, I would be getting my excuses ready as there’s no way on the planet I would be doing that.

ShandaLear · 19/05/2023 22:36

That’s nuts. I’d go nuclear - you’re a Senior Exec and you’re expected to 1) go camping, and 2) share a room with 9 men you are not comfortable sleeping with in the same space. It’s nuts. I can’t image they’d have organised this in the same way so a man would have to share with 9 women colleagues.

Anon1231990 · 19/05/2023 22:37

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

YANBU

I have actually had to do this.....it was uncomfortable (nothing untowards happened) but I didn't feel like I had a voice (still don't)

I went along with it. There were other women there (maybe 4/30 of the group) it was a weekend for up and coming senior managers to essentially test people.....

It was like a condensed cheap version of the apprentice..... I almost quit after it! And probably should have done as the culture of the organisation is not good in regards to women...

I was just about to try and make you feel better about going, and yes I survived, no unwanted sex pests etc but it was awful... Knocked my confidence and wish I had been brave enough to call out a completely unacceptable process.... But I toed the line 🙄 having said this I am an introvert, perhaps it is easier if you aren't 🤷🏼‍♀️, 🙏

I hope it goes well whatever you decide

GnomeDePlume · 19/05/2023 22:38

YANBU

This is why corporate events should stick to the presentations.

I have attended far too many corporate team building activities where no thought has been given to the people taking part. People have ended up in hospital.

How on earth does a surprise camping trip work? Suitable clothing? Has everyone got their medication with them? What about cultural or religious constraints which mean that men and women cant be in close confines with each other or have daily religious rituals to be performed? Is the location fully accessible for all people?

Waitymatey · 19/05/2023 22:40

If they insist, and don’t appreciate it against your culture to share sleeping space with members of the opposite sex, then just before they leave for the campground explain a situation has arisen and you look forward to seeing them all again the following morning.
TBH, in an all male group mist men don’t usually want a token woman in their space, anymore than we want them in ours.
You will be respected for setting boundaries

bringincrazyback · 19/05/2023 22:40

I cannot believe there are any YABUs for this.

OP it's ridiculous they want you to do something like that! Are your management on glue?

EwwSprouts · 19/05/2023 22:41

No I would not be sleeping in a tent with males. They are playing russian roulette if they are mixing that with permitting alcohol. You have a right to see the risk assessment for the whole event.

TrainedByCats · 19/05/2023 22:41

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Are you for real? I assume you’ve not worked in predominantly male fields 🙄

That would definitely be a no from me and I’d be having a word with hr

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 19/05/2023 22:42

Both voting options are valid. It might well be innocent fun but you should be allowed the choice.

Blondewithredlips · 19/05/2023 22:44

It is my idea of hell. All that farting and snoring eeewww