To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

[Foly]

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building.

My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me.

He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context.

It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour.

However, after this he came to my door to -

• ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..?

-tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine

It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥

What can I do besides moving out? 😩

Creep alert!

Not rtft so I'm sure this has already been suggested - Tell him you wear noise cancelling headphones whilst you're working so not to bother knocking anymore, also tell him you have a 6"4" boyfriend who can help you with all those things.

If you are thinking like this (and I sympathise) but you really need to do something to nip this in the bud or before you know it you'll be scared to leave your flat. It's just not acceptable that a neighbour can make you feel like this.

I agree with others about getting a burley man to open the door naked but at the same time I'm sat here rolling my eyes that in the 21st century a single women might have to resort to this!!!

If you can't face him in person maybe write him a quick note saying "I've noticed you've knocked on my door several times recently and it's really not necessary and it's making me feel uncomfortable. Please only knock on my door when it's absolutely necessary".
It's likely that this male has no idea that his actions are inappropriate so pointing out that it's making you feel uncomfortable is likely to make him stop.
If it still then continues then you do need to get the police informed as it will then be harassment.
Definitely keep a log of all the times he's knocked.

As others have suggested get a male friend / brother to come round or even your Dad, when he knocks they can send him packing with a ‘She’s busy working, she’s got a high stress job where she can’t answer the door every two minutes.’

Hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your door

I wouldn’t add the ‘only if necessary’ part, it gives wiggle room and is subjective. An absolute ‘stop it’ is sufficient.

My feeling is he probably does know it’s inappropriate and even if he doesn’t, not OPs problem.

I don’t know why there are so many suggestions of explaining to him why you can’t answer the door OP, you don’t need to do that.

I don't think she needs to explain.

I think you should write him a letter and keep a copy. No emotion. Polite. Say that you work from home and find him contacting you distracting and annoying. You need to say annoying.

After that, if he persists - police.

I can understand that you are scared it will escalate but unless you do something it might anyway. Men like this rely on women being polite.

If you cannot just tell him to leave you alone you may have to look at other options. He will not stop by himself.

You shouldn't have to get a bloke to scare him away but that may be the quickest thing. Even if it's your DF banging on his door telling him to stay away might work. A big naked bloke with a loud voice would definately do the trick.

I think not many people suggest telling him to leave her alone because you don't want to make him angry and risk escalating the behaviour to something dangerous. Yes, in a perfect world that is the logical answer. But in reality men pose a real threat to women, and we've probably all experienced how men can get violent when you regect them. Not saying it's right, but it's what happens. And this is Ops real life she has to live out here, and she's on her own and vulnerable.

If it was me I would start not answering the door and when I did would be very short and say I was busy, don't have time to talk etc. Don't be nice or smile.

You're going to have to be clear and blunt. When/if you answer the door to him again, if he starts with a threadbare excuse to talk to you cut him off (a pp is right, certain men hate that). Tell him firmly that you do not need and will not need his help with anything and you don't have time to keep coming to the door.
Log all his visits so far and any further attempts. Maybe call 101 now (although mine was a completely different issue, I found them v helpful and reassuring) and definitely don't hesitate to call them if he continues/it escalates.

Lol. My brother and 4 BIL are all lanky. My DH is a marine but doesn't look it. The toughest looking of them all is my stepdad at 72 lol.

Don’t tell him it’s making you uncomfortable. He knows it is already and hasn’t stopped.

Ring Doorbell set to the auto ‘we can’t open the door right now’ response. You can just override and answer via your phone on the occasions you do want to speak to the delivery driver / mate who is at the door.

If you do answer the door to him, the ‘FGS, what NOW?!’ response is good (get a chain as PP suggested).

If he doesn’t get the message then ‘I don’t want you to knock - it’s disturbing my privacy. Please only call if it’s an emergency’ and close the door.

You do not owe him anything and he gives zero fucks about your feelings - why care about his?

I think if it has potential to turn violent staying polite, saying you’re busy will not deter this. The police will ask if you’ve told him ‘no’. If he’s knocking this often, have a friend with you when you tell him

I was going to suggest a sign on the door. Similar to this, but without the "please".

Just "do not disturb, I am working. No exceptions". In red. Put a new one every day with that days date on it.

I've done this in the past when I've been recording for work, interviewing or presenting to the whole company, you can't just stop to answer the door then.

But it sounds as if he's on the verge of being a stalker. Use your chain, whenever you do answer, whatever he says, say "no thanks" and shut the door. Don't engage at all. Later start saying "no thanks, please stop knocking on my door".

The benefit of a ring type doorbell would be that this would be caught on camera, and if he ever escalates, you can show the police you did not engage.

A similar thing happened to me when I was in my 20s and the man was maybe in his 40s. He lived directly above me. He used to invent reasons to knock on my door and talk about nothing.

I owned that flat, I couldn’t move, but I do remember vividly him once walking right in and then smoking a cigarette (!) at my window and I was a bit scared and desperate for him to leave. He talked at me for ages.

Some men are full on creeps.

It gradually stopped because I started blanking him a bit when he walked past in the hallway, and stopped answering the door (looked through the peep hole whenever anyone knocked - although it was always him. Anyone else would have buzzed).

I was too young and not confident enough and it was pre me-too so I had no idea what to do beyond the blanking and ignoring when I could. In hindsight, I feel pretty angry about it.

So I agree with others: blank, ignore, avoid answering the door.

i had this with a neigbour but worse 9 -10 times a day from 8 in the morning to 8 at night if i didn`t answer the door he came to my window i was GF flat after 5 long years i moved even after telling him straight he still done it i would not answer the door keep the blinds down it awful so pleased i moved out life was is to short it was constant with him even if i was having dinner he would just sit on the wall out side my window and start talking crap i just got fed up in the end i had no peace the list goes on with him so thankfull for my new home i can have windows open and no one banging on the door its bliss.

First of all, stop being polite and nice!

You do not owe anyone your time so don’t let them take it from you. Stop engaging with him.

Be blunt and make it clear his attention is unwanted. You don’t need a burly bloke, you just need to think like one.

Don’t listen to what he has to say, interrupt him immediately and say very firmly ”Go away. Stop bothering me, I’m busy. Find someone else to talk to.”

Then shut the door and ignore.

OP I also teach online. I think you just have to be firm and tell him you won't be answering the door as you're working and cannot be disturbed. So please don't even knock, as I won't answer.

Don't do this.

Don't use working as a excuse. It implies that your happy to see him when you're not working. It gives him wiggle room "oh ok, what time do you finish?" Or "I'll drop round on the weekend" sort of thing

As awkward and uncomfortable as it might make you feel to do it, I think the only way to deal with it is to be really blunt @Foly - “it’s not appropriate that you keep knocking on my door constantly. I’m asking you now to stop”.

Something like the above. Don’t tell him to only knock if there’s an emergency because just about anything will then be an emergency or very important.

Im in my 60s and live alone. The older I get the more I won’t put up with this shit. I ended getting the police for one twat who wanted me to leave a cars distance between his and mine ‘in case the battery needed jump-leading*. He knocked at all hours to ask me to move my car. In the end I called the non emergency police and they sent someone round a few weeks later and said he wasn’t to ask me again or to talk to me or it would be a harassment notice. That stopped him.

Id say be firm, do not be kind sounding. Just ‘ Stop knocking on my door. It’s very annoying and disturbing my peace. I don’t want you to knock again. ‘. If he does it again , tell him next time you’ll call the police. Brutal, but he has no boundaries and will take any possible niceness, politeness, reasons, as a sign he can keep doing it. He’ll just find another excuse such as coming round later, “I knew you probably wouldn’t be working at 9 pm” etc.

Agree you need to be firm, but also understand that you don't want to provoke him into getting nasty through feeling rejected. It's a sad fact that these pushy men don't like being shut down and although he will 99% just stop bothering you, there is always a chance he will become unpleasant.

Pair of men's trainers/mens' coat where he can see them is a good prop. But next time he knocks (and you are in a position to answer) be clear that it has to stop.

Something along the lines of:

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you have to stop coming here and knocking on my door. I have my camera on all the time as I am teaching (worth him knowing you are physically alone but others can see/hear you) and I can't answer.

I don't pick up the phone to my family, boyfriend or anyone else when I am online, it's just not an option. So thank you for the various offers and if I want to take you up on anything, I'll let you know.

I'm married to a big burly plasterer, I'm willing to hire him out for a small fee if you like? (Strictly for door opening/weirdo intimidation mind, nothing kinky!).

"Night worker asleep, please do not knock" works for me

Actually - and I would add something to deter him outside of work hours as well.

And to be honest, it's not really appropriate for you to keep knocking on my door for non-urgent reasons.