To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

[Foly]

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building.

My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me.

He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context.

It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour.

However, after this he came to my door to -

• ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..?

-tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine

It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥

What can I do besides moving out? 😩

I had this, but with a neighbour much older than OP's. He would knock at front door, peer in my windows, bang on back door over fence, shout my name, try and bring me presents. My mistake was ever being nice to him, as he was a lonely old man. He had been my neighbour for 8 years already at this point with minimal contact when he suddenly wanted contact.

After a few weeks of it I was just plain rude to him, and thankfully he then ignored me for a couple of years. It was horrible though when it was happening, I just felt so uneasy in my own home never knowing when he was going to appear and demand attention. It was the beginning of dementia in his case.

Definitely a do not disturb, I am working sign. And a door chain.

Don't prolong time between his knock and your answering the door, like a dog that only teaches him to be persistent. Similarly don't sometimes answer other times not.

Don't tell him anything further about you, your job, your number, who's in your life, that you're busy.

Don't tell him not to knock unless it's an emergency or leave a sign saying as such, it's still giving him a conditions under which he thinks you'll talk to him.

If you pass him when out don't stop or slow down, even in the shared corridor.

Don't give him any reasons as to why you aren't answering, again these are conditions he will try to wriggle around. This is one of those "no is a complete answer" scenarios.

The ring door bell and chain latch and documenting all of this are great ideas. You might also need headphones to help you bear the times he's knocking. You've got to grey rock him.

@ReformedWaywardTeen

You need to start logging dates and times of the harassment. Because let's call it what it is. A vastly older male is continually harassing a solo, younger female despite requests not to.

But the whole point here is OP hasn't so far requested he stop! And going through the thread so far there are only three or four posters suggesting she do so, in plain English, compared to at least twice as many posters suggesting she stage some ridiculous charade with a "burly male" disrobing specially for the neighbour. (So that male has to hang around all day every day until ndn gets it into his head to knock again?!)
Truly mind-boggling.

I want to do this but I'm scared it'll escalate. I probably sound ridiculous saying that but he lives right next to me. I'm worried about what he might do.

Next time he knocks...

"Look mate, stop with the endless knocking, go away and leave me alone. If you attempt to play silly buggers after this, the next people knocking on your door, will be the Police. Now, go and don't come back."

Have you tried explaining to him that you can't come to the door for more than a second or two when you're in the middle of teaching?

Get a Ring doorbell and an Alexa for your desk. When my ring doorbell is pressed, it is linked to my Alexa, so the screen automatically brings up the live image of the front door. You can have the volume off on the Alexa so that no noise disturbs your work. If you see the annoying neighbour, just ignore. Or you will see if it a delivery that needs answering.
When you are working and see neighbour at the door, just ignore. When you are not working and he rings, just communicate through the camera “Is it urgent? Sorry I’m a bit busy right now”. He’ll soon get the message when you don’t open the door to him.
Most likely he is a harmless and lonely guy, probably has a crush on you. But if he makes you feel uncomfortable, just ignore until he stops. And don’t give him a key or your phone number!

You're in a block of nine flats . Have you asked other neighbours if he pesters them ? There must be other men living there , I would get one of them to have a word with him as it will have more sway than the random big burly blokes suggested !!

Ask landlord what his neighbours are like

Maybe he did to previous tenant and why they moved

Can you speak to previous tenant

Be blunt

Tell ndn not to keep coming round

If you need him you will knock on his door

If he persists mention police

A ring door bell is good as will record and give proof /evidence if further action via police is needed

And a man answering the door would be handy

Surely you have a male friend , cousin , friends partner /husband who would oblige

He's a creep, and being nice to him and placating him is likely no safer than telling him to fuck off.

Next time he knocks, tell him you're not interested in being friends and to leave you alone.

If he tries again, tell him you'll contact the police if it continues. And mean it.

Get a ring doorbell, even if you can't use it while working then you can when you're not. The camera may be a deterrent to him as well once you've mentioned the police.

And get a chain for your door, and make sure your locks are sturdy.

This has the potential to become serious, and politeness isn't going to stop that happening

She doesn't need to tell him that. He'll just think he can invade her privacy outside the working day.

He just needs to be told to stop disturbing her at all.

I think this is good advice.

Spell it out. You’ve knocked on my door three times already, You’re not taking the hint, *Sorry but we’re next door neighbours not friends”.

He doesn’t think he’s a annoying creep. Put him right.

I would open the door in an explosive manner & before he speaks firmly say
"You need to stop bothering me. I am busy"
Close door firmly in his face

He's a creep, and being nice to him and placating him is likely no safer than telling him to fuck off

I 100% agree with this. We are looking at this situation through the lens of being female, our socialisation to always "be nice" and the fact that a polite no would be enough for us.

These men dont see it like that at all. They just see something they want and any no, no matter how nicely its phrased, can inflame them to get angry.
From my experiences, the ones in this thread and my friend's experiences, men like this STILL get angry even if you turn them down "nicely" because they dont respect "no" and thats the point. They keep pushing and pushing and pushing because they dont respect women's boundaries so being nice is certainly no guarantee he will remain respectful. I have turned down men incredibly politely in the past and they still got angry and rude- because this is about them and their attitudes towards women, its not about the response they get.

You're silly 😂

Sorry that's meant for the pp who had same problem with their mum lol

Big mistake

He knows you're home.

You are worried that it will ‘escalate’ - it’s has already escalated because he is persistent.

If you are firm he might flounce off, be rude or sulk - hopefully that’s a temporary reaction that you just tolerate for that moment and it stops.

You can be blunt and firm without being rude or emotional. Think of how a man would deal with it. Write down some blunt short phrases and practice saying them out loud. Ensure they are closed statements and nothing is up for discussion. Just repeat twice - ‘No I’m not interested.’ ‘No that doesn’t work for me’ and then say ‘As I have said no….’ - then stop with the words and take action - close the door, keep walking etc.

Never take in parcels for him - he might well deliberately order them as an excuse.

Don’t give any info as he will wriggle around it.

Don’t ignore him because he will persist. The law is on your side - it is legally stalking / harassment if you have told someone to stop approaching / contacting you and they do it twice more - you could inform him of this also.

You could pop a blunt note in his door.

’I do not want you to knock at my door or approach me again as I value my privacy. If you do so I will consider it harassment and take appropriate steps.’

All of the above - especially:

*He's a creep, and being nice to him and placating him is likely no safer than telling him to fuck off.

Next time he knocks, tell him you're not interested in being friends and to leave you alone.*

Get a ring doorbell.
Tell him to stop knocking on your door and tell him if he persists it is harassment as you have requested he stop and you will report him to the police

Then if he persists and still knocks you have evidence he will not leave you alone.

For security reasons ring doorbells are incredibly useful.

I've not read the whole thread, and it might have been suggested before but referring regularly and within ear shot (if not to his face) to your "boyfriend" (real or just for this purpose) might help. Although if he is as thick skinned as the OP's first couple of messages maybe not...... :(
Some older men really are delusional.

In my Creepy Neighbour situation he enjoyed being there and making me feel uncomfortable. The less I liked it the more he got out of it, or so it seemed. It really upset me for a long time.

Did you mean to be so rude?

Have you ever been in a situation as vulnerable as OP is.

What I suggested was far more helpful than a bloody bloke turning up opening a door starkers.

DFOD.

This is so sad. Some men get off on evoking emotion in women - from appeasing and pity through to discomfort, agitation and aggression.

Give him none. Blunt. Assertive. Direct.

Like how a bloke would communicate.

How was @GrumpyPanda rude?