Am I the female equivalent of a cocklodger?

[Allwelcone]

I have 3 kids, 12, 14 and 15, with DH, and 1 from b4 who has left home. My "career" is crap due to time out for childcare, mutually agreed with dh.

I used to have a proper ft job before kids but since then and leaving London ive never worked ft and my salary has been dire, but I do only want to work for "jobs-with-meaning" so salary suffers. I went back to work as soon as youngest was in reception. I usually have worked 2.5-4 days a week.

I have a job interview tomorrow but the hours are miniscule (half time) and it's worrying DH as we are so overdrawn.

Now i have a 4-day pw charity job i do not enjoy at all, wrong skillset, chaotic managent, boss giving off signals that doesn't want me around (neg comments and I still havnt got passed probation for 9 months) so I do need to change.
But am I being lazy for not going ft? Am I being really inconsiderate? Dh hasn't said anything. I'm worried I'm being selfish. Our home could do with someone there, the kids need input and ferrying.

Whats my standing in the mumsnet arena?

There are better paid “unskilled” jobs out there. Warehouse jobs pay ok.
I think it’s fine to work not full time because quality of life matters too, but if you are also working for free too then you are totally BU as you’re not getting the chill time or the money.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the job, but perhaps this is the wake up call you need to put more effort into the job hunting.

Polish up your CV, make your LinkedIn profile sparkle and start applying for lots of jobs. I was made redundant at 50 having just moved to the SE. It was 2011 so competition for jobs was intense and I had to take 30% pay cut just to get back into the job market. There were 4 under 18s in the household at the time (my SCs), and everyone had to do their bit around the house as me finding a job was a family priority. I’d applied for over 50 jobs before I even got the rubbish lower paid job.

Yes, it’s hard work applying for loads of jobs, but I treated it as my ‘work’ during my time out of work. If you aren’t working full time then your non- working days need to be given over to finding a new job.

Although you’ve not been explicit I suspect you do a lot of stuff for the DCs and whilst it was necessary stuff when they were at primary school, is no longer the case now your DCs are older. This is definitely the time to get them involved in household things - you will do them no favours if they don’t know how to change their beds, make meals, hoover, wash up etc. Not a good thing for them to think that the woman of the house does all the chores and childcare either.

It may also be good to have a look at what extra curricular activities the DCs do and whether under the current financial situation they are all affordable, including the costs of all the ferrying around you do. Helping them understand that there are financial limits in life is a valuable lesson and will help them when they leave home and have to manage their own finances.

I think I disagree with most replies. If you have manageable debt then I’d stay as you are. Find that part time job that keeps you in work and contributing but also gives you little to no stress enabling you to be present for your children. You mentioned you have an older child and I bet you feel the time between teen and leaving home went in the blink of an eye! I know it did for me. There will still be time to work once the children have gone to college /uni. Retirement age is always being extended. Enjoy the time you have them at home, if you can.
However if finance is such that you may loose the house or something drastic like that then of course do what you need to but I’d say manageable debt and cutting back a bit is worth the pay off.

I guarantee you, that with 3 kids, and working 20 hours a week outside of the home, you will not be working "half time" at all! You'll be grafting for just as many hours as your DH, only half of your time (looking after the kids, ferrying to clubs, laundry, cooking, cleaning) will all be unpaid. Try measuring your leisure time. I bet you, that you do not get more leisure time than your husband.

This struck a cord with me as I am the same age Similar enough circumstances. Lost a lot of work due to COVID and still trying to recover financially. Set myself a six month limit to do jobs to try to get money in. It is tough going, luckily in my two jobs the people are work with are lovely. I'm on month five of the plan and my mental and physical health is in tatters with 60 hour weeks. One thing if you haven't already is to look at your finances and see if you can get anything reprofiled. There's a great charity Stepchange who can advise regardless of your income. Ironically one of the projects I worked on was the financial impact of C19, austerity etc and middle incomes have suffered and are the slowest group to seek advice. Citizens Advice can help too. Finally, don't ever give up on wanting a job with meaning. I see lots of very practical comments regarding increasing income but do consider getting some good quality financial advice on that overdraft and you can possibly do both.

Yes. Because anyone who works full-time can't possibly also run a household. Oh wait, apart from the millions who actually do. You know what, it's fine to do the household stuff and stay home, but please own it instead of buying into the nonsense that you're so terribly busy running a home that you simply don't have time to work.

That might be true if OP's children were 2,4 and 5.
But they aren't - they are 12,14 and 15. They don't need lots of hands on care, and they are capable of doing a lot of jobs round the house in their position of being part of the family that lives there.
And a lot of the support they need will be the evening when presumably DH is there.

I used to work 30 hours a week. I guarantee that I had as much, if not more leisure time than DH with a full time job. Which is why I moved to a full time job, because actually I felt I should be pulling my weight a lot more.

My view is it’s fine to the minimum required to get by. That applies to paid work and career. As long as your household has enough cash to get by and provide for retirement into the future, there’s nothing to say everyone must work full time or seek to get on in their career. It doesn’t have to be justified.

I think some people suggest OP is doing something wrong because they don’t have the choice to work less. Many people, especially women also have a martyr syndrome. Unless they are making their lives harder or struggling, they feel they aren’t doing enough and must do more. No. Some people have fortunate circumstances and can live an easier life.

But they don't have enough cash. That's the whole point of the post.

Exactly

But they don't have enough cash. That's the whole point of the post.
This! It's the whole point.
They're in their overdraft and OP's priority is only wanting to waft around doing a meaningful job that doesn't pay well.

I'm not sure what you think of as "meaningful", but I'd have thought supporting your family was pretty meaningful.

I know you mean the job itself, but is answering the phone or typing a letter all that different when you're doing it for a full wage for your family rather than a small wage from a charity - effectively donating the difference to the charity?
Perhaps you mean a job where you interact directly with the beneficiaries, so your wage is some money for your family and some personal satisfaction for you? In that case, would you trade that personal satisfaction for more money for your family?

On the theme of worthwhile jobs, I think it's not always as black and white as people make out. A few years ago my stepson was looking for work and supermarkets came up as a possibility. He was very dismissive and did not want to work for people who were just trying to make money out of us. My view was that they are providing an essential service that I, at least, am very grateful for. I also felt that the front-of-house staff there, by being cheerful, efficient and helpful (as they are in some stores) had some positive impact on my daily life. BTW, I hope that by being equally friendly towards them, I can make their (meaningless?) job more bearable.

I’d say if it’s only an overdraft they have then they are doing better than most!

I’d say if it’s only an overdraft they have then they are doing better than most!
It's irrelevant how other people are doing financially.

The OP says herself that they're "so overdrawn".

She also says
She doesn't enjoy working
Only wants to have jobs with meaning
She has the 'wrong skillset'
Some digs about her boss and she hasn't passed her probation in 9 months
And also says
She's a juicy loudmouth
Doesn't really like admin
Would get sacked from corporate for not caring enough

She acknowledges herself something needs to change.

So ultimately there's a decision to be made: prioritise family finances (for example still working part time in a similar role but not in the charity sector, or using the skills she has in another sector) or decide having a poorly paid part time job with meaning is more of a priority than family finances.

I worked full time and when my DC were 12 they started helping in the flat. They made their own beds, made salads, peeled potatoes, hung out the wash and brought it in and folded it and occasionally cleaned the flat between them. Took a lot of pressure off me. I'm sure yours can help too. Gives you more time to yourself.
Obviously you need to find a paying job until you're back on your feet again.
Good luck.