Am I the female equivalent of a cocklodger?

[Allwelcone]

I have 3 kids, 12, 14 and 15, with DH, and 1 from b4 who has left home. My "career" is crap due to time out for childcare, mutually agreed with dh.

I used to have a proper ft job before kids but since then and leaving London ive never worked ft and my salary has been dire, but I do only want to work for "jobs-with-meaning" so salary suffers. I went back to work as soon as youngest was in reception. I usually have worked 2.5-4 days a week.

I have a job interview tomorrow but the hours are miniscule (half time) and it's worrying DH as we are so overdrawn.

Now i have a 4-day pw charity job i do not enjoy at all, wrong skillset, chaotic managent, boss giving off signals that doesn't want me around (neg comments and I still havnt got passed probation for 9 months) so I do need to change.
But am I being lazy for not going ft? Am I being really inconsiderate? Dh hasn't said anything. I'm worried I'm being selfish. Our home could do with someone there, the kids need input and ferrying.

Whats my standing in the mumsnet arena?

You can't afford this indulgence.

When it comes to jobs if you’re struggling with money then you don’t have the luxury to do something that has meaning it needs to cover the bills.

Id also not be happy if my other half’s idea to have more money was to sacrifice the one holiday a year vs them getting a better paid job or working more hours when it’s completely doable.

In sure your dh would love a meaningful part time job but they don’t Tend to fully pay for life sadly.

If I was your husband I would find this extremely irritating and difficult not to resent.

As a family, he's working full time and living in an overdraft. While you have no reason for not working full time and contributing to the family pot.

"Jobs with meaning" would also annoy me. Firstly you don't have the luxury of being super selective when your family is struggling. Secondly, surely providing for your family is the most meaningful job of all.

Yup point taken. I basically have zero work ethic for earning it would seem. It has to have an extra dimension, otherwise ...i dunno...
I do work extra hours etc. Am I a massive moralistic princess?

I think you sit down together and look at the budget. Iv found there's extra mental stress being the main wage earner. I never realised until I became one in the relationship. It also sucks if your working quite a bit but don't get any kind of things you enjoy like a holiday.

Am I a massive moralistic princess?

I think you want us to beat up on you:) But I am also going to bet that you do most of the housework and teen wrangling. Will DH step up if you get a full time, higher paid job?

You could add value by sorting out the finances. Rather than earning more, go through the bank statements ruthlessly, and change anything its possible to get better value on.

It is not fair to suggest your DH gives up a holiday so you can work half the week. Not when all children are secondary age. I think you know this.

4 DC is quite a lot for mostly 1 person to support.

I don’t think you’re a cocklodger but I do
think YABU. Your kids are old enough to manage, you’re (how deep?) in your overdraft, you need to be looking at more than a half time low paid job.

Thanks for the honest replies I'm reading them all. We sort of can and sort of can't afford this "luxury" of my job area choice. We've had a weird year with extra expenditure.

All I know is I need to get out of my current job, they might chuck me out anyway.
And as pp have said, ypu can't always walk from non profit to Corp just like that.

I don't know what you do but there are Corp jobs that are about working with the third sector and local government jobs in that arena too.

https://jobs.theguardian.com/jobs/charities/?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmZejBhC_ARIsAGhCqnd2V1IGdXgMu5L2cW5Ltt478JRbYWiulpLclVJxcbTibmId-F_UI8gaAu76EALw_wcB#browsing?CMP=PPC_JOBS_GGL_

You could take the new 2D a week job, but you'd need to work evenings in a restaurant/bar/shop cos it sounds like you can't afford not to work 😞

Aaaahhh yes! It's a bit 1950s round ours.

OK- off to cook now

It's not a race ri the bottom or a who has it harder but I've always worked full time with kids with no option. Now that yours are older I don't see why your husband has to carry the family anymore, but I'm probably coming across as jealous because I am

This

I disagree that having a job with meaning is the issue. It's having a part time job with meaning which is possibly the problem? Your DH is concerned about you working PT too. So I think it's u to go for a PT job when you've got one which is close to FT.

If your family is in debt, you can't afford holidays and you can't afford to not maximise your income. You and your husband need to sit down and work out what that will look like for your family.

I don't think you're a cocklodger equivalent, but I do think you're taking the piss.

Your kids are all in high school and you're DH is struggling to support you all financially - you need to get a job that will support your family properly - you can't afford to faff about working moral part-time jobs.

You are contributing. You're earning, and you're supporting three teenagers, which is pretty demanding. I assume you're also doing more than half the housework and admin.

But regardless of that, if you're overdrawn something will have to give. Given that you don't even enjoy your current job, looking for a new one is a no-brainer, and don't restrict yourself to ones which actively make the world a better place. Look for anything which you can do, pays better than what you've got, and doesn't involve selling fags, guns or opioids.

I'd also suggest that you spend the next day you've got off doing a MoneySavingExpert drains up financial review. That really will contribute. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

The children will be fine without you.

I guess it depends why you're overdrawn. Is it a one-off thing that's caused it so you can get a better paid, less enjoyable job and get the bank account healthy again and then go back to a PT enjoyable job? Or are you living beyond your means (or your means are insufficient to live!) so your job will be permanent til retirement?

I personally couldnt live overdrawn so I'd have to get a job and sort it out.

There’s plenty of meaning to be found in supporting your family financially. Whatever it is your DH does for a job it’s allowed you to enjoy pt work and flexibility, that’s meaningful.

Most people have had a year of extra spending and it’s not going to get better anytime soon.

You could work ft and/or get a better paying job then volunteer doing something that gives you warm and fuzzy feelings on top.

Living in debt is extremely stressful and he’s not unreasonable to want a holiday and not to make cut backs if you could bridge the gap if you found a better paying job even if it’s not one you adore.

You're not a cocklodger but you need to get a job that will stop you all sinking into debt.

Is it just me or have salaries gotten lower? Looking at that charity job link