Lodger and booby traps

[Hoppygolightly]

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

One thing you could do is play mind games and "spring" the booby trap every week or so. Along with stuff like "oh yeah I had the boiler serviced today".

Within a couple of months your toilet would be sparkling and your whole house would smell of lemon cif.

A bit evil though.

This to be honest!

Your own room can be a tip and you can still have ocd around other peoples toilet germs. I hope she will be open with you and an agreement reached. Even if it’s just you will tell her when someone has used it. She will hopefully then be able to relax and not need to set these traps as she will know the days that she needs to clean it and won’t need to be checking whether anyone has been in on the other occasions as she knows you will let her know.

Ask her why the paper is there and then remind her that she does not have sole use of the bathroom.

At the end of the day it is your house not hers, and you shouldn't be made to feel annoyed or uncomfortable in your own house!

Haha I was the lodger in this set up once (no mess or passive aggressive cleaning though) and I hated when landlord had guests over because there was no lock on 'my' bathroom so it made things a bit... stressful. When it was just me and the landlord it was safe beacause they only used their own en suite. Just checking there's a lock in your situation?!

You .... probably prefaced with you are a great lodger etc. "we need to talk about your behaviour around the use of the bathroom in my house"

X I have found these things in the bathroom......can you explain? Just to remind you it is not your private space please keep your things in the bathroom cabinet (space provided....or own room) then own the space display guest towel ornament plant but clean after a guest if necessary

Set your own booby traps back, sausage on top of the door frame etc

Does it matter, practically? So she's laying traps to see if anyone goes into the bathroom and then cleaning when they do. Clearly she's being a twat, but do you actually have to do anything about it? She can go on cleaning obsessively if she wants, one less job for you, and you can just ignore the huffing and puffing.

Is there a downstairs cloakroom that visitors could use instead of the main upstairs bathroom? Obviously not if they want to shower.

Maybe before guests come, you can go into the main bathroom to check it is clean and then spotting her booby traps start huffing and puffing and exclaiming loudly 'who leaves toilet paper all over the place'.

I'd probably say "can I've a word?" walk with her to the door, point at it "what's this about?"

Yep. I'm glad you're taking this advice. It's perfect, because she has no way out. She can't lie, and she has to explain and justify something that there is no justification for. Which makes it really easy for you to say again, that she has no right to do this, because she does not have exclusive use of the bathroom.

If she does have something like OCD, then she has to be open with you about it so that you can discuss it and (if you're inclined) find ways to help her manage the situation.

Although I think the lodger is being unreasonable, I do sympathise with her to some extent. I can see how she will have fallen into the mindset of viewing the shared bathroom as 'hers' and it must feel really intrusive when other people use it. Ironically it probably wouldn't have become an issue if you had guests more regularly.

Does she ever have guests visit? If she doesn't it must feel particularly annoying to her that it's always your guests using her bathroom, so to speak, and you get to keep your ensuite to yourself (I know, I know, its your house - but I am just trying to see it from her POV).

You say that it would cost quite a bit more to rent an ensuite room - is swapping rooms something you would be willing to consider? Give her the option of either paying more for the ensuite room, or accepting the fact that the shared bathroom is reflected the fact she isn't paying for a private bathroom.

That said, why would she think this when she is only renting a bedroom?

What the heck is fanny gravel😯

I'd be concerned about her mental health. I don't know what you do as a landlady. Perhaps you sit her down and say 'I noticed that you're sticking loo paper in the door of the bathroom. Let's talk about it, it seems like an odd thing to do. It leaves me wondering if you're all right.'

Do you have a pump bottle of handsoap and a guest towel in there too OP?
Maybe put her things in a nice basket away from the sink? That way she knows it's still your bathroom too and also her things aren't going to be used by guests.

Thoughtful and sensible

She's obviously someone who has a phobia and needs her own bathroom. She must have agreed to move in believing the main bathroom was for her solo use.

The suggestion you offer her your ensuite bedroom for a higher price is a good one, if you could stand it. But the huffing and puffing has to stop if she agrees to stay put with the shared bathroom.

Good luck with the chat op 👍

Sounds like she's got a bit too used to having it to herself.

OCD doesn’t mean having a tidy room. It sounds like she could have contamination based disordered thinking, and the issue is other people’s germs, particularly in the bathroom.

Thanks all

She is a nice person and only gets passive aggressive with this issue

I like having her here , just so awkward when anyone round and I have to explain no please don't use main bathroom go to my bedroom and use my ensuite , the frantic cleaning after someone has used main bathroom particularly if they are around implies some kind of bathroom accident and embarrresse everybody me included!

Talking tonight

Its central London and an ensuite in this area about 1000 a .month, she pays 600 a month as smaller double room and I haven't put rent up for ages

She can't afford that

Why should she? Lodger's not paying for exclusive use of the bathroom. Might be something that OP could offer to her of course- raise rent by say 50 percent to have it to herself.

Very strange especially if her bedroom is a mess.