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Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
Dobbycraft · 18/05/2023 16:50

Do you ever clean the main bathroom and wash the towels, refill soap etc? If not I can see why it would annoy her

Cherry2010 · 18/05/2023 16:51

She obviously assumed the bathroom is hers only. You need to tell her it’s not.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 16:51

Some very helpful comments thank you

I clean the whole house every Sunday and buy all toilet roll, soap , bleach and cleaning stuff. I also put hand towels and bath mat in main bathroom

I would stress if anyone stays over and wants a shower they tend to always use my ensuite so they use my products

Its become such a drama if someone uses main bathroom now that it has become de facto hers , as I don't want the passive aggressive behaviour afterwards

Agree it might be OCD of some kind but she won't talk about it so at a loss

Doesn't mean I'm not irritated at rolls of loo roll being used to wedge door and toilet seat !!!

OP posts:
Choconutty · 18/05/2023 16:52

Oh dear lord, I was right. I didn't want to know, and thank the flying spaghetti monster that I didn't know already.

Thelnebriati · 18/05/2023 16:54

Setting booby traps sounds more like mild paranoia.

rwalker · 18/05/2023 16:55

Just ask her why there’s toilet lap wedged in the door and take it from there

HurryShadow · 18/05/2023 16:56

If she was really massively particular about her own room and cleanliness I'd have brushed it off as a concern that she's got some sort of health/cleanliness anxiety, but if her own room is a tip, then that's clearly not the case!

I'd move the "traps" and if/when she says anything reiterate that while she has sole use of it the majority of the time, it is not and never has been her own private bathroom. Your visitors will continue to use it when they visit, and if she doesn't like it, she is more than welcome to find a room to rent that comes with an en suite elsewhere.

Or, alternatively, let her have it as her own personal bathroom, make your visitors use your en suite, but charge her more accordingly!

WisherWood · 18/05/2023 16:59

Its become such a drama if someone uses main bathroom now that it has become de facto hers , as I don't want the passive aggressive behaviour afterwards

Be funny if she took to using this method to gain control of the whole house.

Pixiedust1234 · 18/05/2023 16:59

I think you need to swap rooms.

Lodger has the bedroom with ensuite, exclusively hers.
You have the second bedroom with main bathroom, used by you, visitors and trades people.

PhyllisFogg · 18/05/2023 16:59

Kindly, OP, you are being a bit flaky on this one.

You've had loads of ideas here and just need to start talking to her.

Was it agreed you would provide towels for her use?
Do you wash them or does she?

I'd have expected a lodger to buy their own towels and wash them with their other laundry.

I'd put towels out for guests and make sure she knew that.

Batalax · 18/05/2023 17:00

It’s really not on is it. You need to point out that she might prefer to move out and rent somewhere with an en-suite if it’s an issue for her.

YDBear · 18/05/2023 17:01

You can just tell her what’s what. That it isn’t her private bathroom. And if she doesn’t like that she can move out. And if she gives you any more stupidity tell her to go. Let’s face it, lodgers are 10 a penny these days, people are desperate to find accommodation and you don’t have to put up with any crap from
anyone. And her behaviour is probably only going to get worse. Get rid before she boils your bunny.

Inkypot · 18/05/2023 17:03

Would you be able to talk with her about it tonight? I would feel the same way as you OP and it would irritate me as well.
Definitely talk to her and be clear that this isn't ok.

PhyllisFogg · 18/05/2023 17:03

After a year it's odd this has started now, surely?

I'd say

1 You have the use of the main bathroom but bear in mind it's also for my guests.

2 You can of course keep your toiletries in there and any personal hygiene items, but again, be aware the room will be used by other people.

3 Please don't use loo paper to prop the door open or put it under the loo seat. It's a waste of paper. If my guests leave the bathroom unclean, then I will see to it of course.

4 If you aren't happy with this arrangement please look for somewhere else and give me X weeks notice.

TwoBlueFish · 18/05/2023 17:06

Just remind her that it is not for her exclusive use and if she continues to make you feel uncomfortable if your own guests use your bathroom, in your house then she can find somewhere else to live.

GasPanic · 18/05/2023 17:06

Pixiedust1234 · 18/05/2023 16:59

I think you need to swap rooms.

Lodger has the bedroom with ensuite, exclusively hers.
You have the second bedroom with main bathroom, used by you, visitors and trades people.

One obvious solution.

I think she has some sort of OCD or hangups about other people using the bathroom.

Her wanting to go in and clean it to within an inch of its life when someone else has used it - I would have no issue with.

Her being territorial and passive aggressive about it, I probably would have issue with.

It's a hard one because ultimately if she is a very good lodger otherwise then it may well be better the devil you know.

I woudl probably have it out with her. Let her know that it is a communal bathroom and your guests are going to use it every now and then.

If she wants to clean it afterwards she is free to do so, but she needs to quit with the attitude problem. Or move out if she wants her own space.

DogInATent · 18/05/2023 17:07

Just remove all her tell-tales whether someone's used the bathroom or not.

But ffs talk to her about it. Don't avoid the issue.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 17:07

Thanks everyone, I am going to steel myself to have a chat tonight and ask why the toilet roll is wedged in the door and loo seat. Hate confrontation!

If it's that much a big deal she would be better off looking for an ensuite , but that would be alot more expensive

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 18/05/2023 17:08

rwalker · 18/05/2023 16:55

Just ask her why there’s toilet lap wedged in the door and take it from there

Literally, just do this. Whatever the answer is, it will be an opportunity to remind her that it's a communal bathroom.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/05/2023 17:09

I would use the bathroom every day, and leave a few bottles and a towel in there. Even just wash your hands or touch up your makeup. This way she will either adapt to sharing a bathroom with others, or migrate to another home where she can have sole use of a bathroom.

GasPanic · 18/05/2023 17:10

PhyllisFogg · 18/05/2023 17:03

After a year it's odd this has started now, surely?

I'd say

1 You have the use of the main bathroom but bear in mind it's also for my guests.

2 You can of course keep your toiletries in there and any personal hygiene items, but again, be aware the room will be used by other people.

3 Please don't use loo paper to prop the door open or put it under the loo seat. It's a waste of paper. If my guests leave the bathroom unclean, then I will see to it of course.

4 If you aren't happy with this arrangement please look for somewhere else and give me X weeks notice.

"After a year it's odd this has started now, surely?"

Not really. Lodgers generally get more relaxed and more piss taking over time.

Or more comfortable with their environment if you prefer the positive spin.

Ultimately people will continue to push until you push back at them. Living with other people is something people normally do for financial reasons, not because they actually want to.

Moveoverdarlin · 18/05/2023 17:11

If she gets pissy every other month and then cleans the bathroom manically afterwards, I could live with this. Assuming it’s your visitors and not hers, I would tell your visitors to use yours otherwise lodger gets in a huff and have a laugh about it with them. If it was everyday you probably need to have a word, but a lodger that is a bit of a clean freak is probably a good thing.

Saucemonkey · 18/05/2023 17:14

conversation is needed here, that includes a frank telling that it’s not her sole bathroom but the house bathroom she is fortunate to not have to normally share. Then state if she doesn’t like this she can leave. We all have choices in life, this is her one.

Inkypot · 18/05/2023 17:16

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 17:07

Thanks everyone, I am going to steel myself to have a chat tonight and ask why the toilet roll is wedged in the door and loo seat. Hate confrontation!

If it's that much a big deal she would be better off looking for an ensuite , but that would be alot more expensive

Good luck and whatever you do don't give her the option to take your room!

GracePalmer33 · 18/05/2023 17:17

Tell us what she says!!!!