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Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 18/05/2023 16:04

Its the booby trapping with toilet paper I find makes me uneasy

This is so funny (cos it's not happening to me) but also very very bizarre behaviour

Talia99 · 18/05/2023 16:07

OnTheHamsterWheelOfDoom · 18/05/2023 15:50

I think you need to have a chat with her about it; communication is usually key with lodgers. It would be helpful to know why she is acting like this, especially if it's a new behaviour.

Does she normally know in advance when there are going to be guests?

I'm not sure I'd call it a booby trap though - that normally indicates something that looks innocuous but will harm someone (usually by exploding) if they touch it.

This - a booby trap would be spiking the loo seat with bleach to damage clothes if the bathroom is used or similar. The lodger is leaving something harmless that lets her know if the bathroom has been used so she can clean it.

I absolutely get why that makes you uncomfortable but massively exaggerating what she has actually done when you speak to her won’t help the situation.

Notimeforaname · 18/05/2023 16:07

Simply say to her "Stop leaving weird 'traps' in the bathroom. It's not your private bathroom."

TheHandmaiden · 18/05/2023 16:08

She does not sound like she is in mint condition.

Send the letter suggested, and then ask to discuss. Her reaction will tell you whether she should be in your house at all.

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 16:10

This is often the case.

If she's good just ask guests to use your bathroom.

Oh you don't like that.... well maybe she doesn't either

poetryandwine · 18/05/2023 16:18

The approach suggested by @Nodinnernogift is good, brcause otherwise she may deny it and this will get complicated.

When the two of you are standing there amongst the loo roll, you remind her that this is the house bathroom and begin to sort things. This does sound like an MH issue.

If the behaviour represents a change, is there a chance it was triggered by a particular incident?

Crobbyhaft · 18/05/2023 16:19

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 16:10

This is often the case.

If she's good just ask guests to use your bathroom.

Oh you don't like that.... well maybe she doesn't either

Doesn't matter whether she likes it though, its not her house, its OP's, and she is a lodger who doesn't have a private bathroom but is acting like she does. If she doesn't like it, she needs to find a room with an en-suite, rather than make OP and her guests feel uncomfortable.

WisherWood · 18/05/2023 16:24

"Lodger I want to clear something up. The bathroom you use is the main bathroom for the whole house. That means that visitors will sometimes be using it. I generally don't use it as I have an ensuite."

I'd go with something straightforward like that. You can then gauge her reaction to see what might be going on. It's possible she does have some mental health issues that have worsened recently. Or she just thinks she is paying rent for the whole bathroom and that therefore other people shouldn't be in there, in which case just set her straight.

If it's about shared toiletries, maybe just make sure she's got a separate place in the bathroom that's clearly for her stuff. It's horrible having to keep things like that in your own bedroom. It just says 'know your place lodger. I could boot you out now if I wanted to.' Which is true, but not great to live with.

amylou8 · 18/05/2023 16:25

Sure it's bit odd....but aren't we all one way or another? As she's a good lodger I'd be inclined to ask the occasional guest occasional guest to use the ensuite and let her have sole use of the bathroom.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/05/2023 16:25

Is it perhaps possible that a guest did leave a mess in the toilet or some fanny gravel on it that you don't know about op?
Otherwise I would do as pp suggested and polietly confront her with the booby trap in place.
If she wants to know other people have used it so she can clean before she uses it ( fair enough tbh ) maybe you could get a sign on the door to indicate so.

almostoverthehill · 18/05/2023 16:27

Have you got a tongue in your head???

3girls1boy1puppy · 18/05/2023 16:28

Do you sometimes clean the main bathroom and pay for loo roll, soap etc to go in there, do you have your own hand towel in there for yourself/guests? Whilst I totally agree with you that she is being unreasonable being stroppy about guests using the bathroom that she knows isn’t hers solely …….. I could also see why she might be pissed off if you only really use your en-suite normally, plus in the main bathroom only has her belongings/towel/soap etc and she is the only one who cleans it.

Choconutty · 18/05/2023 16:29

I really hesitate to ask, but 'fanny gravel' ?!?!

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 18/05/2023 16:32

Who pays for the toiletries in main bathroom, if her could that be the issue?

DahliaMacNamara · 18/05/2023 16:32

I'm only here for the fanny gravel.

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2023 16:37

Next time she leaves random tissue around the place smear a bit of Nutella on it.

Verbena17 · 18/05/2023 16:38

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

Sounds to me as she may have difficulties with OCD/cleaning a lot.
I would chat to her gently and ask if she’s ok and what she’s finding tricky with people using the bathroom?

IglesiasPiggl · 18/05/2023 16:39

It's often the case that if someone has a good deal for long enough, they come to think of it as their right. She's had pretty much soke use of the bathroom for a long time and has reached the point where thinks of it as "hers". You could give her the choice of paying more to have it as her private bathroom, or she stops stropping about if someone else uses it.

Im99912 · 18/05/2023 16:39

My son has a lodger and 2 bathrooms
one is my sons ensuite and the other is the main bathroom
lodger used the main bathroom but obviously if anyone is there staying over or family they will use rrr the main bathroom
no issue with this
but it was made clear to him from the start

IglesiasPiggl · 18/05/2023 16:40

"sole" use of the bathroom that should be, but soke use is probably also appropriate!

Stompythedinosaur · 18/05/2023 16:40

Definitely need to have a conversation about it - it's beyond weird.

Seas164 · 18/05/2023 16:41

I was going to say that that's not on and she needs reminding that if she wants a private bathroom, she needs to find an alternative room to rent where that's the arrangement. The silent treatment would not work for me.

However now, what the Fanny Gravel.....

Colourfingers2 · 18/05/2023 16:42

Get rid of the crazy bit before she puts glass in your food or knifes you in your sleep.

Servalan · 18/05/2023 16:42

Like @Pinkbonbon , this sounds like possible OCD to me. If that's the case, the way OCD works is that the sufferer has distressing intrusive thoughts, followed by compulsions to try and get rid of said thoughts. If the intrusive thoughts are around germs or contamination, the compulsion could be to clean.

To know, I guess you'll need to talk to your lodger to find out what is behind this behaviour. If it is distressing thoughts and anxiety around it, It could be that she needs to be pointed in the direction of medical help.

It's not OK for her to be behaving like this, but she may need help and support to stop.

Worth checking out the OCD Action and OCD UK websites for more info if this does seem to be the problem here.

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