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Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 18/05/2023 15:27

Radical suggestion but why don’t you talk to her about it? Sounds like she thinks it’s her private bathroom buts it’s actually the bathroom of the house that she usually gets solo use of. Easy misunderstanding to clear up!

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 18/05/2023 15:27

Wtf have I just read?!!

That is not okay. It is your house the cheeky mare.

Explain the house bathroom is not just hers to use.

OnTheHamsterWheelOfDoom · 18/05/2023 15:27

I've also got a lodger, and this is rather odd behaviour.

How did you advertise the room - did she perhaps get the impression that she would have exclusive use of the main bathroom? Often expectation management is key.

Is she excessively clean in other areas of the house, such as the kitchen?

Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 15:28

How often do you have people over out of interest?

how long has she been with you?

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:28

Thanks yes she knows it's the main bathroom not her private bathroom

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 18/05/2023 15:28

Reinforce that the bathroom isn't for her own private use. She's not a good lodger if she's doing weird stuff like this!

Nodinnernogift · 18/05/2023 15:28

"Lodger I want to clear something up. The bathroom you use is the main bathroom for the whole house. That means that visitors will sometimes be using it. I generally don't use it as I have an ensuite."

No apologies, over justifying or being dragged into defending yourself.

Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 15:29

So a year

is this a new thing?

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:32

I'd say visitors may be every other month who use that bathroom so not often

She is tidy in kitchen and lounge, her room is a mess but that's her business

Its the booby trapping with toilet paper I find makes me uneasy

OP posts:
Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 15:36

This is weird

so very irregular guests

and she was planning on leaving bog roll under the door for a month?

is this a new thing?

Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 15:37

Wait every other month

and she has set a booby trap following a visit yesterday?

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:38

Yes!

OP posts:
Nodinnernogift · 18/05/2023 15:43

Yeah I'd be really annoyed in your shoes. I'd probably say "can I've a word?" walk with her to the door, point at it "what's this about?"

Say absolutely nothing so that she has to hear for herself how ridiculous her reasoning is then respond "this bathroom is for the whole house, myself and guests included. I rarely use it as I hace an ensuite but that doesn't make it your private bathroom"

The cheek of her. It's your house.

Bordey · 18/05/2023 15:44

I'd remind her it's not her personal bathroom and address the behaviour head on. Remind her your house/guests and she's making you all feel uncomfortable. Either she's happy to share or she finds a new home.

Pinkbonbon · 18/05/2023 15:45

Maybe she has ocd.

It can make you very uncomfortable when other people use your bathroom if you have ocd. Especially if she is germaphobic.

Not excusing her behaviour bit it would be horriy stressful for her. Even someone sitting on the toilet seat she uses wpuld be like...if someone licked your cups all over and let you drink from them.

Especially if she doesn't know what has been used.

Imagine going into your kitchen and not knowing what was safe to touch and what wasn't.

OK you'd think she would have opted for an ensuite if she had this issue. Bit sometimes these disorders come on or worsen suddenly
Due to stress ect...

Pinkbonbon · 18/05/2023 15:47

Alternatively maybe the bathroom was messy beforehand and she's worried about the state guests find it in. And when a guest comes and it's messy she thinks 'fuck, I better clean it fast so my landlord doesn't kick me out'.

howlismoving · 18/05/2023 15:48

Defo needs a convo she must think it's her own bathroom and you're letting people use it

OnTheHamsterWheelOfDoom · 18/05/2023 15:50

I think you need to have a chat with her about it; communication is usually key with lodgers. It would be helpful to know why she is acting like this, especially if it's a new behaviour.

Does she normally know in advance when there are going to be guests?

I'm not sure I'd call it a booby trap though - that normally indicates something that looks innocuous but will harm someone (usually by exploding) if they touch it.

Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 15:50

so she has suddenly started having a problem with this?

2bazookas · 18/05/2023 15:53

Tell her, right away, in writing that

A) she does not have exclusive use of the house bathroom; it's available to all visitors and you.

B) Unless she immediately curbs this obsessive/ unreasonable behaviour you will serve notice to quit.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 18/05/2023 15:55

Eh… I’d just leave her to her aggressive cleaning if she’s otherwise ok.

I would put a stop to the leaving toilet paper everywhere though.. tell her you’ll let her know if visitors have been so she can clean if that’s her thing.

purplecorkheart · 18/05/2023 15:58

I would have a chat with her and remind her that it is the bathroom for the whole house and visitors to the house and not her exclusive bathroom. Maybe ask her did a particular bathroom in a bad state and if they did say that you will remind them to clean up after themselves but tell her you will not be stopping guests using the bathroom and that if she does not want visitors to use her soap etc that she should keep it in her room.

I would also start using the bathroom the odd time to show that it is not exclusively hers even if you just go in and stare in the mirror for a few minutes

2bazookas · 18/05/2023 15:59

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:28

Thanks yes she knows it's the main bathroom not her private bathroom

Of course she does.

So this is new irrational behaviour, and its unlikely to be a one-off.

I'm afraid this is just the start.

Flowerblooms · 18/05/2023 16:01

not talking to you after someone has used the bathroom is not on and leaving bits of toilet roll around is not ok either. Pull her up on it, if the chat doesn’t go well give her notice.

Nordicrain · 18/05/2023 16:01

ShirleyPhallus · 18/05/2023 15:27

Radical suggestion but why don’t you talk to her about it? Sounds like she thinks it’s her private bathroom buts it’s actually the bathroom of the house that she usually gets solo use of. Easy misunderstanding to clear up!

This really.