Lodger and booby traps

[Hoppygolightly]

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP, you don’t need to have a think. She needs to decide if she is going to stay and get over it/stop being passive aggressive or if she is going to leave and rent somewhere else. That’s it.

Don’t let her feel like you are going to be a pushover because she’ll try to take a mile. It’s already bizarre that she thought you would never have visitors and she would have the bathroom to herself. She sounds a bit odd.

What's her issue with men?

What to do? You don't have to do anything OP. Your lodger on the other hand needs to quit the PA huffing and puffing and the toilet paper nonsense or find somewhere else to stay. Don't let her make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. She knew the deal when she moved in.

This is her problem, she was unreasonable to assume you wouldn't have any guests ever.
she isn't paying for exclusive use of a bathroom so her choices are to put up with guests using it occasionally, pay extra for the exclusivity or move out.

She was fine for a year, so she can put up with it, she's probably fallen into the usual lodger trap of getting too comfortable and thinking she can do as she likes.

That's interesting, thank you.

This is very much her problem. She either accepts the conditions of the house that she lodges in or she moves out.

Do not let her dictate what happens in your own home.

Do not give up your bedroom and en-suite for her.

Make it very clear to the next lodger that the bathroom will be used by guests.

So she wants an en suite for the price of a room. But doesn't want to pay for it.

Instead, she wants you, to ask your visitors, to your home, to go through your bedroom to use the bathroom.

It's incredible that she's succeeded in pass aggressively cowing you into tip toeing around her!

I agree with all of this, especially the part about how little, in the scheme of things, she pays.

So she doesn't want to share a bathroom; it's not OCD or anything?
She is a bit of an idiot if it didn't occur to her that you might have visitors. Although having said that, DP and I have always described to potential lodgers the general 'lifestyle' in our house e.g. what sort of hours we keep, if/how often people come round, what it entails (quiet cup of tea or big BBQ etc), if we have overnight guests and a vague idea as to how often. Maybe something to think about in future.

She wants to stay in zone 1 but can't afford rental on an ensuite Well, I want NOT to have a lodger (much as I like my current one!), and I want my whole gaff renovated and the garden designed. There's lots of things I want, but guess what – if I can't pay for them, I can't have them.

Must say I'm not sure what you're going to have a think about; the only solutions acceptable to her would seem to be that you have no visitors or you make them use your en suite, which aren't really tenable.

Because OP shouldn't be denied access to a designated shared area of her own home. The lodger has her private bedroom, the bathroom is not for her sole use.

Just because you have rights you don't have to exercise them. The OP is clear that the lodger is otherwise very good and she actually likes having her around. This can't be said of an awful lot of lodgers. Much better to try and sort this situation out now than have a succession of new and potentially worse lodgers.

I do get where the lodger's coming from. Because you have your own bathroom, OP, 99.5% of the time the house bathroom is her territory. And then suddenly strangers are using her space and she feels invaded. That's what the ritual cleaning is about. You don't know her story but so many women have traumatic episodes in their history. I'm not normally of the 'Be kind' persuasion, but I see her behaviour as stemming from vulnerability and not malice.

She wants to stay in zone 1 but can't afford rental on an ensuite , get where she is coming from, as to what to do, I don't know

The answer is staring you in the face. Now is your big chance to get rid of her and get market rent for your room. This is taking up too much head space.

I don’t understand what you’ve got to think about? You’re renting a bedroom to her cheaply. You have guests occasionally. It’s great that she gets her own bathroom 95% of the time, but occasionally she’ll have to share YOUR HOUSE’S BATHROOM with people that visit. If she can’t deal with that she’ll have to move on. It’s her that needs to think/decide.

Thanks, do have some sympathy if it's odd related but as I said earlier she won't talk about it and I don't like to press

Bought us both a take away just now and suggested she might be better off moving further out of London zone wise and getting her own place or studio

She agreed , so might be best option, do like her here , but friend at weekend felt very uncomfortable at the house and i.dont want that to happen again

Never black and white! She is a lovely person but I like to feel relaxed at home with no tension as I hope she does and that is not the case right now

Good job, OP!

You sound like a lovely landlady, you deserve it back.

Thanks !

To those who rightly raise the question, just over a year ago rents in central London were quite cheap ! Relatively

Now gone up alot !

But when we agreed a rent it was April 2022 and rents were quite low

It's really such a shame you can't help by telling your guests that come every other month to use your bathroom.

If this is your only gripe....

Then my suggestion of £700 pcm is likely too low.

As someone who is paying an eyewatering amount to live in zone 6 I think she is vvvvv unreasonable.

Thanks, yes it seems such a small thing really reading back, but I genuinely feel uncomfortable.with toilet paper stuffed in door jamb etc and round toilet seat and the PA cleaning routine if someone goes in there, hard to explain but makes me very uncomfortable especially when I have friends round

Helped to read all the posts above, and things have come to a head which or good, although I didn't ask for an explanation of loo roll stuff as just couldn't

Lol come here !.

Double room, garden view , shared kitchen and big loungeand garden, mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

Your costs haven't gone up in a year though. And this housing crisis has been happening for a very lone time,

If OP's costs haven't gone up, I'd be surprised. Everyone else who has a morgage and energy bills has had their costs go up

But the toilet paper stuffing etc would stop presumably if you agree to let her have sole use of the bathroom? Obviously, there's no reason why you should - especially if she's not even paying market rent - but it does sound a bit like you're looking for an excuse to get rid...

Yes they have actually ..

Council tax , water rates and service charges all up hugely

Mortgage my problem

Council tax max 5% and apart from SC the rest isn't that much.